Why do I feel guilty about the death of my pet?

We love our pets and when they die, it is heartbreaking and devastating. For most of us the sad truth is that we will outlive our pets and at some point will have to say goodbye. 

Making the decision to end your pet’s life is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make. If your pet dies as the result of an accident or is lost or stolen, those too are difficult and distressing situations to deal with. 

The hidden grief of pet bereavement 

Pet bereavement is sadly still a hidden grief and you might not feel able to grieve openly for your pet or companion animal, worrying that others won’t understand, dismiss your feelings or worst of all, ridicule them. 

You might wonder why you are experiencing feelings of guilt about the death of your pet. Guilt is actually one of the most common feelings in pet bereavement and loss and most pet owners will experience guilt in their grieving journey.

Here are the most common things pet owners feel guilty about:

Making the decision to euthanise - you might feel like you are killing your pet but when we make this decision, we make it out of love because we want to spare our pet suffering and give them a peaceful death. You might feel guilty for making the decision to euthanise too quickly or too late. You might feel guilty if you decide not to stay until the very end with your pet-please know that this is okay and doesn’t mean you didn’t love your pet. We are all different and deal with difficult and distressing situations in our own, unique way. 

Not noticing signs of illness - you might feel guilty for not noticing sooner that something wasn’t quite right and feel that if you had, your pet might still be alive. Some animals, cats for example, don’t show symptoms until it is too late. You are not a mind reader and you don’t have a crystal ball. Don’t be too hard on yourself. 

Not being able to save your pet - we love our pets, we look after them and they are an important part of our lives. Just like humans, pets can get poorly, they can get terminal illnesses, they get old and they can have accidents. Some things in life are simply beyond our control and sometimes we simply cannot save our pets from dying. 

Not being able to protect your pet - if your pet died in an accident, you might blame yourself for not looking after them better or preventing what has happened. Our pets have a mind of their own and sometimes they make unwise decisions or react in the moment. We all make mistakes and you are only human. As difficult as this might be, try to forgive yourself. 

Whatever happened, the likelihood is that you will experience feelings of guilt. Please know that this is normal and totally understandable. 

The thing is though that there are things in life that are beyond our control. You couldn’t have stopped your pet from getting ill. You might not have been able to stop them from getting out of the house or running away. 

Processing feelings of guilt

Guilt can be a heavy burden to carry. Here are some things you might want to reflect on to help you with processing your feelings of guilt:

You did your best with what you knew at the time - None of us have a crystal ball and it is always easier to look back in hindsight and see all the things we should have done. You did your best at the time with what you knew. 

Your pet knew that you love them - Pets very much live in the moment and most pets know that they are loved because you show them that every day. If you stayed with your pet during the euthanasia process, they will most likely have picked up on your scent and known you were with them. 

Some things are beyond our control - As much as we like to think we are in control, there are some things that are simply beyond our control. The reality is that death is a part of life. 

Try to forgive yourself - You did your best for your pet. Accidents and mistakes happen. Don’t be too hard on yourself and try to forgive yourself. 

Self-care and self-compassion - Grieving for your pet is difficult and heart breaking and dealing with feelings of guilt takes its toll. It’s important that you look after yourself and try to extend the same compassion towards yourself that you would show to others. 

Writing - You might find it helpful to write down how you are feeling. Writing in a journal can be therapeutic and an outlet, helping you to process your emotions. Alternatively, you might wish to write a letter to your pet, expressing how you feel. 

If writing is not your thing, you might like to try other art forms of expressing your emotions, for example painting, drawing or making a collage. They can all be useful in helping you to process what is going on for you.

Surround yourself with people who understand - Pet bereavement and loss is still a hidden grief. If you can, try to surround yourself with like-minded people who understand the pain and heartbreak losing a pet causes. 

Please know that you are not alone and help and support are available if you are struggling with feelings of guilt, Pet Bereavement and Loss. Yes, feelings of guilt are normal but that doesn’t mean it’s not difficult to deal with them, so if you do want to talk to a professional, please get in touch.

Your pain and your grief are valid.

Losing your pet and saying goodbye is heartbreaking. Grief is a difficult journey. Please take care of yourself. 

Help and Support 

• Association of Pet Bereavement Counsellors
• Blue Cross Pet Bereavement Helpline
  0800 096 6606
• Paws to Listen - Cats Protection Helpline
  0800 024 9494