When “How are you?” isn’t enough: The truth behind “I’m fine”

You know that moment when someone asks, “Are you alright?” and without even thinking, you reply, “Yeah, I’m fine. You?” It’s automatic. Expected. Easy. But underneath that answer, so many of us are carrying so much more.

Why "I'm fine" doesn't always mean what it says

You know that moment when someone asks, “Are you alright?” and before you even pause to think, you find yourself replying, “Yeah, I’m fine. You?” It slips out so easily. Automatic. Expected. But deep down, you might know it’s not the whole truth.

So many of us move through life carrying more than we let on. We smile. We get on with things. We tell ourselves we’re coping – even when something inside feels heavy or unsettled. And often, we’ve been doing it for so long that we hardly notice the weight anymore.

Gently noticing when you're not really "fine"

Take a quiet moment and ask yourself: When was the last time you checked in – really checked in – with how you’re doing?

Some signs that you might be pushing things down include:

• feeling emotionally worn out, even after rest
• pulling away from people or things you used to enjoy
• struggling with sleep, appetite, or motivation
• being harsh or critical towards yourself
• finding it hard to concentrate, or feeling a bit disconnected from life

If any of that resonates, it’s OK. These are gentle signals from within, nudging you to pay attention and offer yourself some care.

Asking yourself the kind questions

Sometimes, all it takes is a slightly different question to shift how we feel. Instead of the usual “How am I?” try something more spacious:

• How am I arriving today?
• What emotions have I been pushing aside?
• What might I need right now – more rest, more support, more quiet?
• What would it feel like to be honest with myself, just for today?

These questions aren’t there to judge. They’re invitations – soft ways to come back to yourself.

What therapy can offer you

Therapy isn’t just for when things feel unmanageable – although it helps then, too. It can be a place to breathe, to speak freely, and to take off the emotional armour we all wear.

When a therapist asks, "How are you arriving today?" it’s not small talk. It’s an opening – a chance to explore not the polished version of you, but the real one. The one who might be tired, uncertain, hurting, or quietly hopeful.

You don’t need to have the right words. You don’t need to know where to start. All you need is the willingness to begin.

What counselling is really like

There’s no script in therapy. No performance. Just a calm, private space where you can:

• speak your truth without fear of being judged
• make sense of what’s been heavy or confusing
• look at how the past might still be shaping the present
• learn ways to care for your mental and emotional well-being
• slowly start to reshape the story you tell yourself about who you are

You’re not expected to have a plan. You’re just invited to be yourself, one step at a time.

If you're wondering whether to reach out...

If something in you has been wondering whether therapy might help – even quietly – trust that instinct. It’s a sign you’re ready to be listened to, held in a new way.

Taking that first step can feel like a risk. But it can also be the beginning of something gentler, more honest. Therapy isn’t about being fixed. It’s about being met where you are.

And if all you can do today is think about the possibility – that’s a beautiful beginning.

 You don’t have to carry it all by yourself. You don’t have to have it all together. And you definitely don’t have to say “I’m fine” when you’re not.

Whether you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, numb, or quietly aching for something to change, you deserve a space where you can show up exactly as you are.

You don’t need the answers. You don’t need to explain yourself. You just need a place where you can breathe, speak, feel, and begin.

So if you’re ready, even just a little – come as you are. You’re welcome in therapy.