Waiting for an ADHD or autism diagnosis?

For someone who has spent years wondering why everyday life feels more difficult than it seems to for others, seeking an ADHD or autism assessment can be an important step towards understanding themselves.

Yet for many people, asking for help is only the beginning of another difficult experience: waiting.

Behind every referral is a person who may already be struggling with anxiety, exhaustion, relationships, or simply trying to manage everyday life.

And while they wait for answers, those difficulties do not disappear.

The emotional cost of waiting for answers

In October 2026, an independent review chaired by Professor Peter Fonagy examined rising mental health difficulties and the increasing demand for ADHD and autism assessments in England.

The review recognised that mental distress has genuinely increased, particularly among young people. Economic uncertainty, educational pressures, social media and loneliness were among the wider pressures identified.

It also highlighted the need for earlier support rather than making people wait for a diagnosis before receiving help.

What does waiting actually feel like for the individual?

For some people, it means years of questioning themselves. Why do I find certain situations overwhelming? Why do I struggle with things that other people seem to manage? Why am I constantly exhausted from trying to keep up?

Without an explanation, these experiences can gradually affect confidence and self-esteem.

When struggling becomes self-blame

As a counsellor, I recognise how easily people can begin to interpret their difficulties as personal failings.

Someone who struggles with organisation may describe themselves as lazy. Someone who finds social situations exhausting may believe they are simply not trying hard enough.

Others may have spent years masking their difficulties, working exceptionally hard to appear capable while privately feeling overwhelmed.

Over time, this can create a painful cycle of anxiety, frustration and self-criticism.

An assessment may eventually help someone understand their experiences differently. However, emotional support should not depend upon receiving a particular diagnosis.

Whether someone is autistic, has ADHD or is experiencing difficulties for other reasons, their distress deserves to be taken seriously.

Why waiting lists are more than statistics

The consequences of prolonged waiting were brought into sharp focus following the death of 34-year-old Bethany Hewitt in February 2026.

Bethany had been referred for an ADHD assessment three years earlier. She died before that assessment took place.

Following the inquest, the coroner raised concerns about lengthy assessment delays, missed opportunities for follow-up and difficulties accessing appropriate support. The coroner warned of a significant risk of future deaths unless action was taken.

Her case highlights why timely assessment and continuing mental health care matter.

Although an assessment can provide valuable understanding, people experiencing significant emotional distress may need support long before a diagnostic appointment becomes available.

You do not need a diagnosis to deserve support

One of the difficulties with waiting for an assessment is the feeling that life is somehow on hold until an answer arrives.

Yet there are ways to begin understanding and supporting yourself in the meantime.

It may help to notice which situations leave you feeling overwhelmed, recognise when you need rest or consider whether expectations you place upon yourself are realistic.

Talking openly with someone you trust can also reduce the sense of isolation.

If difficulties are affecting your mental health, speaking with your GP is important. You can ask what support is available while you wait and whether your referral needs reviewing.

You do not have to wait until you are at breaking point before asking for help.

How can counselling help while you wait?

Counselling cannot replace a specialist ADHD or autism assessment. However, it can provide a space to explore the emotional impact of living with uncertainty.

You may want to understand patterns of anxiety, develop greater self-compassion or explore why certain experiences have left you feeling different or misunderstood.

For some people, counselling involves recognising how years of self-criticism have affected their confidence. For others, it may mean learning to communicate their needs or finding ways to manage emotional overwhelm.

The approach should always reflect the individual, including their communication preferences and any sensory or processing needs.

Most importantly, counselling should not begin with assumptions about whether someone has ADHD or autism.

It begins with listening to the person and understanding their experience.

Understanding should not have to wait

A diagnosis can be an important part of someone's journey towards understanding themselves. For some, it brings relief and helps make sense of experiences that have been confusing for years.

But the absence of a diagnosis does not make someone's difficulties any less real.

You do not have to prove how much you are struggling before your feelings deserve attention.

And you should not have to wait for a diagnostic label before receiving compassion, understanding and appropriate emotional support.

Sometimes the first step towards feeling understood is having someone listen.

References

Department of Health and Social Care (2026). Independent review into mental health conditions, ADHD and autism: Final report. Published 9 October 2026.

Courts and Tribunals Judiciary (2026). Bethany Hewitt: Prevention of Future Deaths Report.

University College London (2026). Major review chaired by UCL professor drives Government mental health reforms. Published 9 October 2026.