Understanding unrecognised loss and our responses

Loss manifests in a multitude of ways - some are not necessarily easy to recognise. I wonder if any of these might resonate with you. Loss of our sense of self, loss of hope, loss of direction and meaning, loss of life as we know it, loss of the routines and relationships that are familiar to us, changes in our country that may bring a sense of anxiety and uncertainty. Of course, this list is not exhaustive.

The referendum in the UK has certainly shown strong responses. Suddenly everyone has an opinion and seems to be interested. Thoughts seem to be around 'What's going to happen to me and my family?' and 'What's going to happen to our country?'. A pervading sense of gloom and anxiety fills the atmosphere. I wonder if what we might be experiencing individually and as a country is the grief of loss and the anxiety of the unknown. It is so important to hold on to hope.

In reflecting on Kubler Ross's grief cycle, it occurs to me that all loss (whether we recognise it or not) goes through several stages - shock, numbness, bargaining, anger, and acceptance. Experience shows me that this process is not linear and the timeline is different for everyone.

Whenever there is an unexpected loss or change, it is normal to feel anxious about the future. It can be difficult to imagine a different kind of life in which we are content and peaceful. Yet change and loss happen all the time.

Sometimes people don't recognise that what they are feeling is loss. They are just aware of a sense of sadness, anger, feeling out of control, and anxiety. This can feel very alarming as people ask themselves 'What's wrong with me? Am I mad? Why am I so miserable?' Or perhaps we blame other people or circumstances for how we feel.

What is important is both to talk and to listen. This will help each one of us process our thoughts, feelings and responses. We are more resilient than perhaps we think we are. We can choose our response to our loss. There is always something we can do to move forward and not be stuck. When we feel anxious we can take steps to manage this so that we do not become overwhelmed. As we process our thoughts and feelings, in time we will come to accept those things we do not have influence over and cannot change.

It is always helpful to be kind to one another, to be respectful and honour the dignity of other people's humanity. Healthy relationships are essential for good psychological health. What might it be like if we were empathic to other people and were willing to support one another regardless of whether they are different from us or not? Is there someone that you know who is experiencing loss at the moment, could you support them? Or perhaps you have lost something precious to you, could you do with some support?