Understanding anxiety: Personal stories and practical solutions

When I was a teenager, I often found myself struggling to cope with daily life. I experienced constant chest pains, tight muscles in my upper back and shoulders, stomach issues, and I was frequently sick. To manage, I turned to overeating, which caused significant weight gain and only made things worse. After many visits to different doctors, mostly for my physical symptoms, I was finally referred to a clinical psychologist. At first, it felt like I was just being shuffled from one professional to another, each unable to figure out what was wrong – because, to me, there had to be something physically wrong.

When I was diagnosed with anxiety, I didn’t really understand what it meant. I remember telling my parents, "So, I’m just scared? That’s it? How am I supposed to explain that at school?" At that time, I had no real understanding of mental health, and getting this diagnosis felt embarrassing and disempowering. I almost wished for a physical illness – something concrete I could point to as the problem. But over time, with support from my family and therapy, I began to understand that anxiety was much more than just feeling "scared." It was both a mental and a physical experience.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Although there is more awareness about mental health today, many people still feel lost and overwhelmed when they learn they have anxiety. It can be really unsettling. But the good news is that understanding what is happening is the first important step toward gaining control.

From struggle to success

After several months of therapy, I started to make real progress. My anxiety became more manageable, and I began to challenge myself by doing things I had avoided for a long time. I went to college, made new friends, and eventually decided that I wanted to help others who were going through similar challenges. I completed my undergraduate and graduate degrees in psychology, obtained professional counselling qualifications, and worked my way up to leadership roles in a national charity. Today, I have a fulfilling career, a loving family, and a life that my younger self could never have imagined.

To anyone reading this who is struggling with anxiety: there is hope. If I could find my way through it, so can you. Therapy can support you on that journey.

What exactly is anxiety?

Anxiety is a normal human emotion – everyone feels it sometimes. It’s that feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something uncertain or challenging. But when anxiety becomes overwhelming and starts affecting your daily life, it may be an anxiety disorder.

There are different types of anxiety disorders, like generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Common symptoms include constant worry, restlessness, muscle tension, fatigue, irritability, trouble concentrating, and sleep problems. These symptoms are not “just in your head” – they are very real and can have a big impact on your quality of life.

Recognising these symptoms is an important first step toward managing anxiety. In the next sections, we’ll explore coping strategies and evidence-based treatments that can help you regain control and live a more balanced life.

Incorporating relaxation techniques

An important part of managing anxiety is learning how to calm your body when your internal alarm system goes off. These are skills that need practising, so you can use them before, during and after exposure. Relaxation techniques, like controlled breathing, can be very helpful.

One effective technique is box breathing. It’s a simple but powerful breathing exercise:

1. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of four.
2. Hold your breath for a count of four.
3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of four.
4. Hold again for a count of four.

Repeating this cycle several times can help calm your body’s stress response. Practising box breathing regularly, especially when you feel anxious, can help signal to your brain that the situation isn’t as dangerous as it seems, allowing you to feel more in control.

Another helpful relaxation technique is progressive muscle relaxation (PMR). This involves tensing and then slowly releasing different muscle groups in your body, which can help reduce overall physical tension. To practice PMR:

1. Start by tensing the muscles in your feet for a count of five, then release them.
2. Gradually work your way up your body, tensing and relaxing each muscle group – calves, thighs, abdomen, chest, arms, and so on.
3. Focus on the difference between the tension and the relaxation, allowing your body to fully relax.

Visualisation is another effective tool for managing anxiety. Visualisation involves imagining a peaceful, calming scene – like a beach, forest, or any place where you feel safe and relaxed. To practice visualisation:

1. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.
2. Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths.
3. Picture yourself in a calming setting, imagining all the details – what you see, hear, smell, and feel.
4. Spend a few minutes immersed in this scene, allowing yourself to feel the relaxation it brings.

Incorporating these relaxation techniques into your routine can help you manage anxiety more effectively. By regularly practising these methods, you can reduce the intensity of your anxiety and improve your overall well-being.

The smoke alarm analogy

Picture a smoke alarm. You know, that little plastic box designed to save your life if there's ever a fire. Now, imagine if that alarm started blaring every single time you made toast. Sure, it's technically doing its job, but suddenly breakfast becomes a lot more dramatic! And if the alarm keeps getting even more sensitive, it might start screaming the moment you reach for a slice of bread – no toast involved. Annoying, right?

Anxiety works in a similar way. It’s our internal alarm system, meant to protect us from danger. But when it becomes too sensitive, it starts reacting to situations that aren’t actually dangerous – just like an overactive smoke alarm. This can lead to avoiding certain situations, reinforcing the belief that those situations are dangerous, and making the anxiety worse over time. After all, it's doing its job, right? 

Changing the conversation with your anxiety

So, what can we do about an overly sensitive internal alarm system? We can't just rip it out and throw it away – it's an essential part of who we are, built to keep us alive. But instead of letting it run wild, we can change the way we respond to it and slowly retrain it.

Imagine someone who had a panic attack in a crowded shopping centre. The experience was terrifying – heart pounding, breathing fast, muscles tensing up, and an overwhelming feeling of losing control. It felt like everything around them was closing in, and there was no way to escape. Since that day, even just thinking about leaving the house makes that internal alarm go off. The fear starts to build – heart rate increases, palms get sweaty, and the body gets ready for what feels like impending doom. The anxiety rushes in, and the person decides to stay home, feeling a wave of relief wash over them as soon as they let go of the door handle.

In that moment, it feels like the right thing to do. Staying home feels safe, and the relief is immediate. But each time they avoid leaving the house, the anxiety gets a little stronger. The alarm thinks, "I kept us safe again," and next time it starts blaring even earlier, more convinced than ever that it's saving the day. Soon, even the idea of stepping outside becomes overwhelming. The walls of their home, once comforting, start to feel like a cage. The person is trapped – not by the world outside, but by the anxiety that grows every time it is obeyed. The once simple act of going out to buy groceries or meet a friend turns into a monumental challenge, and the fear of another panic attack looms larger with each passing day.

The way forward lies in doing something that feels really hard: gently challenging those anxious thoughts and feelings instead of avoiding them. This process is called exposure therapy – gradually facing those anxiety-provoking situations in small, manageable steps to show yourself that they're not actually dangerous. It takes courage, and it takes patience. But over time, this approach can help recalibrate your internal alarm, making it less sensitive and giving you back your freedom. It's about showing your alarm system that life is not as dangerous as it thinks, one brave step at a time. We can't make the world safer, but we can build you up!

Moving forward 

Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that it’s not impossible to overcome. By understanding how anxiety works and how it affects both the mind and body, you can start taking steps to manage it more effectively. Strategies like cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), support groups, and relaxation techniques can all help. You don’t have to face anxiety alone – there are resources and support available, and there is hope.

If you are struggling with anxiety, know that there is a way forward. It’s OK to ask for help. Whether that means talking to a mental health professional, reaching out to friends or family, or learning more about anxiety through resources like this one, every step you take matters.

Through therapy, you can work to quiet that overly sensitive alarm and move toward a calmer, more fulfilling life.