The third space: Navigating identity displacement as an expat

One of the most fascinating aspects of expatriate life is how identity morphs in response to language, environment, and cultural exposure. For many, speaking a different language unlocks distinct facets of their personality. Some even notice that shifting between dialects alters how they interact with others on a deeper emotional level.

As a cross-cultural adaptation therapist, I have witnessed this phenomenon firsthand. One client, struggling to engage in therapy despite various approaches, experienced a breakthrough when I instinctively switched to Neapolitan dialect, saying, “If you don’t understand me in Italian, I’ll say it in Neapolitan!” This shift triggered a profound emotional response, transforming their engagement and accelerating their progress. Since then, offering therapy in Neapolitan has led to similar breakthroughs for others, demonstrating how language can serve as a gateway to authenticity and self-discovery.

Yet, expatriates often face periods of profound disconnection, confusion, or even loss of self that can make daily life feel overwhelming. This typically arises when adapting to new cultural norms, values, and social roles proves challenging. Many begin to question their sense of identity and belonging, leading to uneasiness and, sometimes, a sense of identity displacement.

The dual reality of adaptation

Expatriates frequently experience a push-and-pull dynamic with their surroundings. Integration can feel seamless at times, but moments of acute awareness of being "foreign" often resurface. These reminders may come when locals share jokes or references rooted in a shared history, or when expats realise they haven’t grown up with the same cartoons, comedy shows, or pub culture. Sometimes, it’s about being "too loud" in a reserved culture, or "too reserved" in a more expressive one. Even subtle body language cues-being too close, too touchy, or too distant-can reinforce the feeling of otherness.

Interestingly, returning home can also be disorienting. Many expats struggle with reintegration, feeling detached from places and people that once felt familiar. Friends and family may have shared experiences that the expat missed, deepening the sense of not fully belonging anywhere.

One client described how, as an Italian, gesturing and raising their voice felt natural and expressive. Yet, in a foreign courtroom, their main concern was suppressing these instincts to avoid being perceived as aggressive. This constant self-monitoring can create underlying anxiety and stress, leaving individuals in a perpetual state of fight-or-flight.

This continuous movement between cultures creates a "third space" – a unique in-between where expatriates never fully belong to one world, yet are deeply connected to many. This complexity is double-edged: it can lead to feelings of being lost or questioning one’s identity, but it can also foster adaptability, openness, and a nuanced understanding of human connection.

How a cross-cultural adaptation therapist can help

Navigating identity shifts, cultural dissonance, and emotional adaptation requires patience and support. A cross-cultural adaptation therapist offers targeted strategies to help expatriates thrive:

• Embracing identity fluidity: Therapy helps individuals celebrate the richness of their multifaceted identity, viewing adaptation as growth rather than loss.
• Reducing anxiety around cultural shifts: Tools and techniques are provided to manage stress related to assimilation, workplace challenges, and social integration.
• Harnessing language as emotional expression: Recognising how different languages activate unique emotional responses, therapy can help expats use communication as a tool for self-awareness and authenticity.
• Coping with the challenges of returning home: Therapy supports individuals in understanding and integrating the emotions and identity shifts that arise during reintegration.
• Accepting the third space: Therapy encourages embracing this in-between space as a source of growth, drawing on the unique experiences that make each expatriate’s journey singular.

Beyond adaptation: The gift of perspective

Those who have lived across cultures gain an immeasurable depth of understanding. The ability to see multiple perspectives, balance different social norms, and appreciate diversity transforms expatriates into bridge-builders-people who foster connection wherever they go.

This journey is not just about adapting; it’s about evolving into the best version of oneself, regardless of environment. Perhaps the greatest lesson of cross-cultural life is realising that identity is not static – it is always in the making, growing and expanding with every new place we call home.

Note from the author: The content of this article is entirely my own, reflecting over twenty years of experience as a cross-cultural adaptation therapist. While AI has helped refine spelling, grammar, and structure, the ideas and stories presented here are original and based on my work with expatriated clients.