The comfort trap: When AI support holds you back

With personal budgets squeezed and NHS waiting lists stretching into the horizon, more and more people are looking for other ways to get support. For some, this means knocking on the shiny new doors of artificial intelligence for help with their emotional and mental health.

The pros and cons of this have been discussed quite widely, so we won’t go into all of that here. Instead, I want to explore something less talked about: how some of the very things that make AI appealing could actually hold you back.

Let’s start with some familiar thoughts:

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

When you’re used to putting other people’s needs before your own, the thought of sharing your own problems can feel uncomfortable, even wrong. You might find yourself thinking you’re making too much of things, or that you’re taking up space someone else needs more. So, when AI offers a way around that discomfort, it’s easy to see the appeal. It spares you the guilt and lets you feel like you’re managing things without being selfish.

But over time, choosing this route means reinforcing the sense that your needs matter less. It’s like confirming over and over again that your struggles aren’t worthy of someone else’s attention.

Going to therapy interrupts that pattern. Even if it’s just for 50 minutes a week at first, you’re making the choice to prioritise yourself. It’s a small but powerful act of self-compassion.

And, as you share yourself in the therapy room, you get something AI can’t give – the real, felt experience of another person seeing your struggles and treating you with care. You can explore the guilt when it shows up and notice any tendency you have to minimise your feelings. All of this helps you slowly learn that it’s OK to take up space. It’s a change that happens through the relationship itself.

“I should be able to handle this by myself.”

At first, this can feel like strength. Whatever’s happening, you just keep on going, holding things together at work, at home and in relationships. So, admitting you need help can be a hard pill to swallow. It can make you feel like a failure. If this is you, AI might seem like the perfect solution. You can get support without having to rely on anyone else – brilliant!

But here’s the catch. Leaning on AI in this way can subtly reinforce the belief that your worth depends on managing everything alone. And over time, this belief takes its toll. It’s easy to miss the signs at first. Maybe you’re always tired, stretched thin or living with the sense you’re never doing enough. This might be your normality, but it’s often the road to burnout.

Therapy offers a different experience. One where you can feel what it’s like to be heard and supported by another person. You get to practise trusting someone else with what’s important to you and discover that this doesn’t have to leave you feeling weak. Instead, it can be empowering. Knowing you don’t have to carry everything alone can give you the space to be stronger and more resilient.

“I might be judged.”

Some people find AI appealing because it doesn’t have a face. No raised eyebrows, no awkward silences. For those who fear judgement, conflict, or rejection, this can feel like a relief. You get to be honest without worrying how someone will react. Even if you’ve read that therapists offer a ‘warm, non-judgemental space’, it may feel easier to avoid the risk altogether.

But while AI might feel safe, it can also keep you stuck. If you only ever share in places where judgement isn’t possible, you miss the chance to experience something important: someone seeing your anger, shame or mess and still staying with you. A therapist may gently challenge you at times, but they’ll do so with compassion. They’re there to truly know you, warts and all, and to care anyway.

These kinds of moments can be deeply healing. AI can offer understanding, but it can’t feel with you. And the longer you stay where it feels safe, the harder it might become to risk real connection elsewhere.

So, should you avoid using AI for emotional support?

Not necessarily. Many people do find value in using AI. Maybe therapy isn’t accessible right now, you don’t feel ready, or you’re struggling to find a therapist you connect with. You could see it then as a starting point – a way to feel a bit calmer in a tough moment, or to build up the courage to reach out. Just don’t let it become your final stop.

You deserve more than simulated understanding from a machine. You deserve to be seen, to be heard, and to experience what it feels like to bring your whole self into a relationship.

Because healing doesn’t happen through well-crafted answers or a collection of techniques. It happens in connection. And connection, as challenging and imperfect as it can be, is something only people can give.