The allure of power and its hidden cost

Have you ever got the feeling that, despite all your achievements and evidence of success, there is an internal anxiety that only you know, of your sense of worth being questioned if you don’t constantly perform according to others’ expectations?

Why is it that the more external control we seek and acquire, the more a sense of contentment seems to elude us, often leaving our self-worth, relationships, and well-being as collateral damage in the process? One of the reasons for this could be that, unless you live entirely apart from society, the socio-cultural fabric you inhabit is shaping your worldview.

Even in the remotest tribes that live in isolation, social structures built around human survival needs exist, with higher rank facilitating greater access to vital resources such as food and shelter, while reducing exposure to immediate physical harm, including from less powerful rivals. Keeping up with what is happening in the world today, it is clear that this ancient survival drive to achieve a higher status has reached a point where the initial intentions have been superseded.

Many of those with higher status – and by extension more resources – have become consumed by wanting more. In a psychotherapeutic setting, a client might come to therapy feeling a persistent sense of mental exhaustion, not from fighting for survival, but from the constant pressure to strive to maintain an appearance of higher status in some form.

The cost of the chase

Some insights may be gained from the controversial philosopher Nietzsche’s work, Will to Power, which examines the fundamental drive in all life to increase and expand its own strength and to overcome resistance. While this concept is often misconstrued as a call for political dominance, the deepest appeal of Nietzsche’s work is in revealing the fundamental human drive for self-overcoming and the mastery of one’s own inner world (as opposed to external rule).

This helps those of us willing to reconsider the allure of power as a misdirected outward expression of this internal drive toward potency and self-mastery. The problem can then be recognised as creating an unhealthy dependency on the external when the drive is focused on things such as status symbols and the need for admiration.

Consider the stressed overachiever who has the portfolio and trappings of the good life but still wakes up at 3:00 am from their high-performance mattress, draped in luxury bedding because they feel compelled to reply to that email. Or the affluent entrepreneur who finds themselves obsessing over a minor perceived slight in a social interaction, or the need for a more prestigious car.

Despite the external markers of power, the internal experience is one of constant threat and ‘needing more’. Even in the case of more everyday expressions of power, such as needing to appear capable or being the dependable one, can mean that we can struggle to admit vulnerability, increasing the pressure to perform on ourselves. This is where the 'cost of the chase' becomes a trap.

Unfortunately, awareness regarding the existence of this problem is only the very first step in an uphill battle, which almost seems to ask us to transcend evolutionary drives. For example, the concept that status is linked to reproductive success. The drive to be influential can be fundamentally viewed from an evolutionary standpoint as an effort to secure a strong position for oneself and one's kin. This might tie in to why many find powerful people (regardless of the field in which the power manifests, such as business, society, politics, or art) attractive.

Beyond seeking security

The complexity is exacerbated by a biological inheritance that hasn't quite kept pace within the society we find ourselves in today. Our brains still operate on a primitive reward loop where a closed deal or a secured relationship triggers a dopamine surge – a brief hit of pleasure that mimics the survival triumphs of our ancestors.

Furthermore, the stress hormone cortisol is often elevated in individuals who feel a lack of control or are under constant threat in today’s context (whether it be worry about debts to be paid as a result of ambitious investments or potentially losing their job to AI, for example). The pursuit of wealth and influence, in part, can thus be partly attributed to a biological quest for greater security and autonomy – reflected in minimising cortisol in the body. We are, quite literally, being governed by a chemistry set designed for a changed world.

There are, of course, problems of over-generalisation when addressing complex topics such as these, since for a certain segment, financial freedom removes the necessary struggle. Nietzsche called the person who achieves comfort and stops striving the "Last Man" – a state of comfortable, sterile contentment. But the "Last Man" is a dead end. The ‘new’ purpose is to find a meaningful struggle that status cannot buy its way out of. This type of allure is achieving the kind of internal mastery where you are not dependent on external validation to confirm your worth.

In Nietzsche's terms, Amor Fati (Love of Fate) is more about joyful fatalism, the courage to accept life exactly as it is, including the tragedies. The strength is not found in what you possess, but in the immeasurable will to live according to the values you have defined for yourself.

What can I do now?

How then do we navigate this transition from the external ‘chase’ to internal mastery? It begins with a certain quiet, uncomfortable honesty. You must ask: Is this next initiative an act of self-overcoming, or is it actually an attempt to quiet a trembling ego?

When we redirect our drive away from our own need for external validation, we allow the possibility of something remarkable to happen – to stop being the unconscious architects of the very societal prejudices that weigh us down. We will be less likely to partake in acting in a way that aggrandises a higher rank detrimentally. You may find that the only power worth holding is the kind that does not require the applause of an audience.

A central takeaway is this: demonstrable external power is often an expensive distraction from a shortage of inner self-worth. If you find yourself constantly needing to 'win' or 'control' to feel secure, you may be living in a state of inner lack, not power. The allure of power does not necessarily need to be quashed immediately – it could instead be affirmed by the joy of overcoming your own comfort and pushing new personal boundaries. Even if you are in a position where survival is no longer an immediate cause for worry, since external challenges are removed, you can self-define demanding, creative or soul-nourishing pursuits.

It is clear that self-reflection, probing and uncomfortable questions have a big role to play. Is the power you seek truly about self-overcoming, or is it simply about out-competing others? If your wealth and status vanished tomorrow, what form of personal power would still define you? These are not easy questions to pose to yourself.

It requires a different kind of space – one that is both confidential and challenging. Psychotherapy, in this light, is not a ‘cure’ for a defect; it is a laboratory for the soul. The therapy space offers the opportunity to challenge yourself and habitual patterns in the presence of a supportive other.

It facilitates the practice of making necessary mistakes that we then learn from, understanding our impulses, and finally learning to live according to values that are our very own. Therapy offers a way to move from reactive 'Last Man' survivalism to a proactive 'Amor Fati' – where our value is no longer a fluctuating currency based on the admiration of others.