Support, safety, and healing: Counselling and honour-based abuse

Content warning: Please note that this article includes descriptions of honour-based abuse, including assault and violence. Please read with caution.

The terms “honour crime” or “Honour-Based Abuse” or “izzat” include a variety of crimes of violence (mainly but not exclusively against women), including assault, restrictions on freedom, and, in some cases, extreme violence, where the person is being punished by their family or their community.

They are being punished for actually, or allegedly, undermining what the family or community believes to be the correct code of behaviour. It can be distinguished from other forms of abuse, as it is often committed with some degree of approval and/or collusion from family and/or community members. Victims may have multiple perpetrators, not only in the UK. Honour-based abuse can be a trigger for forced marriage.

Some professionals prefer to use the term honour-based abuse as not all victims identify as experiencing “violence”. For example, they may be subjected to emotional and/or financial abuse.

Honour-based abuse explained

Honour-based abuse is a fundamental abuse of Human Rights. Despite the language used, there is no honour in the behaviour and many acts of conduct which make up ‘violence in the name of honour’.

It is a collection of practices, which are used to control behaviour within families to protect perceived cultural and religious beliefs and/or honour. Such abuse can occur when perpetrators perceive that a relative has shamed the family and/or community by breaking the honour code. Women are predominantly (but not exclusively) the victims of honour-based abuse, which is often used to assert male power in order to control female authority and sexuality.

Honour-based abuse can be distinguished from other forms of violence, as it is often committed with some degree of approval and/or collusion from family and community members. Honour-based abuse can take many forms. These may include pressure or control around relationships or behaviour, fear of or forced marriage, domestic abuse (including emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse), restrictions on freedom, threats, harassment, and, in some cases, extreme violence or loss of life.

Honour-based abuse cuts across all cultures, nationalities, faith groups and communities. This form of abuse exists in countries and cultures worldwide.

Barriers HBA victims may face when considering seeking support

People affected by honour-based abuse can face many barriers when thinking about seeking help or support. For example:

• disownment
• ostracism from the community
• fear of the unknown
• language barrier
• lack of trust in agencies
• fear of not being believed
• fear of being found (bounty hunters, reprisal)
• worried they may bring shame on the family
• finances

Specific barriers children may face

• unaware of the services available to them for help
• unaware they are being abused
• fear that professionals may inform their parents

Specific barriers vulnerable adults may face

• unaware of the services available to them for help
• never seen alone
• abandonment by carer
• unaware they are being abused

How counselling can help

Providing a safe, confidential space

Honour-based abuse often involves secrecy, shame, and fear of severe consequences. Counselling offers a private, non-judgemental environment where the person can speak openly without pressure or risk of disclosure.

Being believed and validated

Many victims/survivors are minimised, blamed, or disbelieved by their family or their community. Counselling helps validate their experiences by naming the abuse for what it is and reinforcing that responsibility lies with the perpetrators – not the victim/survivor.

Reducing isolation

Honour-based abuse frequently involves social control and isolation. A consistent therapeutic relationship can help counter feelings of loneliness and provide a sense of connection and support.

Supporting emotional and psychological recovery

Survivors/victims may experience anxiety, depression, trauma responses, guilt, shame, or confusion around identity and loyalty. Counselling can help process these emotions and support healing from trauma.

Exploring identity, culture, and values safely

Counselling allows space to explore cultural, religious, and personal values without judgement – supporting clients to distinguish between cultural identity and abusive practices, and to define their own beliefs and boundaries.

Empowerment and informed choice

Rather than telling someone what to do, counselling supports autonomy – helping clients clarify options, rebuild confidence, and make decisions at their own pace.

Safety planning and signposting

While counselling itself is not a crisis service, a counsellor can support risk awareness, safety planning, and signposting to specialist services (such as honour-based abuse organisations, legal advice, or safeguarding support) where appropriate.

Long-term rebuilding

Counselling can help survivors rebuild trust, self-worth, and a sense of future – supporting them to form healthier relationships and reclaim control over their lives.

Counselling can offer confidential, non-judgemental support for individuals affected by honour-based abuse. By providing a safe and supportive space to explore fear, trauma, identity, and emotional distress, while validating clients’ experiences and prioritising their safety and autonomy. The work is culturally sensitive and empowering, supporting clients to regain a sense of control, rebuild self-worth, and make informed choices at their own pace.