Stuck in self-doubt? How chronic stress impacts your self-esteem

Stress is a natural part of life, but not all stress is bad. There’s good stress, such as hormetic stress and eustress, and then there’s toxic stress, which can be harmful. Let’s explore the difference between good and bad stress, how to recognise the signs, and what you can do to reduce toxic stress and feel more in control.

What is good stress?

Hormetic stress

Hormetic stress is beneficial because it triggers your body’s natural ability to repair and strengthen itself, building resilience to future stress. Examples include:

• Exercise: High-intensity workouts improve heart health and fitness.
• Cold exposure: Ice baths can boost immunity and build mental resilience. (Make sure you check with a doctor before taking on a high-intensity fitness plan or cold exposure.)
• Mental challenges: Pushing yourself intellectually can also be a form of hormetic stress that enhances resilience.

Eustress

This type of stress feels motivating and energising. It helps you rise to a challenge, such as:

• Starting a new job or project.
• Running a marathon or working towards a goal.
• Taking on a leadership role or stepping outside your comfort zone.

When stress turns toxic

We’ve looked at good stress, now it’s time to discuss the harmful stress: toxic stress. If you’re reading this, then you know this stress: the constant, chronic, never-ending stress. The stress you’re probably experiencing right now.

Sadly, stress is a part of life we all have to deal with from time to time. If you have a life with a job, responsibilities and a family, you’re going to feel stressed sometimes. While short-term stress like the school run or rush hour traffic is manageable, it’s the long-term ‘distress’ that’s the real issue. It can harm us physically and emotionally.

It can have serious consequences, including: 

• heart disease
• high blood pressure
• anxiety
• depression
• weight gain/loss
• insomnia 

Sometimes, it can be hard to recognise the symptoms of stress.

You might experience stress like this: 

• Physical symptoms: Headaches, dizziness, muscle tension, chest pains, and loss of libido.
• Mental symptoms: Difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness (car keys in the fridge, anyone?), and feeling overwhelmed or anxious.
• Emotional/behavioural symptoms: Irritability, disrupted sleep, emotional eating, social withdrawal, or increased smoking/drinking.
• Inner critic becoming louder: That harsh inner voice telling you you’re not good enough, making stress even worse.

How stress activates your inner critic

Your inner critic is part of your internal dialogue. It serves a useful function: to protect you. It warns you about possible dangers. This is helpful until it becomes the loudest part of you, and when stress takes over, the inner critic becomes dominant. This causes you to focus on the worst-case scenarios, dwell on past failures and ignore any evidence of success.

This can send you into a spiral of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and increased stress. Your inner critic might sound like this:

• Everybody else can cope; why can’t you?
• You’re a bad person; people just pretend to like you.
• Who do you think you are? You can’t do that! You’re fake and they’ll catch you out soon!

What causes stress? 

Many things cause stress. Modern life is one of them! Never before have we been so contactable; there’s the constant ping of emails, WhatsApp and social media that makes it hard to switch off, along with the feelings of guilt if you can’t reply quickly enough. It becomes exhausting. Our brains are wired to complete tasks, but it feels like you can never get to the end of the messages and never get the sense of satisfaction from completing all the messages. 

Working from home offers benefits but can blur the line between work and personal life, making it hard to switch off completely. Constant contact and the temptation to squeeze in more work tasks can lead to an unhealthy work-life balance. 

Multi-tasking is encouraged, but trying to do more than one thing at once can add to the stress, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and unable to do things to the best of our ability. 

Breaking the cycle: Practical steps to reduce stress

Stress can affect our self-esteem, causing us to become highly critical of ourselves. It leaves us feeling like we are never good enough, can’t cope, and are not moving forward. We’re just going round and round, you never feel like you achieve anything because you are hard on yourself and keep moving the goal posts not taking a moment to relax and look around at how much you have achieved already. You forget to celebrate your wins because it’s straight on to the next thing! 

But you can break the cycle.

Challenge your inner critic

When negative thoughts arise, ask yourself, what’s the best-case scenario? Reality is often somewhere in between. Think of a time you have overcome a challenge and the steps you took. 

Prioritise your needs

Get enough sleep, set boundaries, say no when needed (or at least ‘not right now’), and ask for help. Prioritising yourself may bring up feelings of guilt, but putting these boundaries in place will give you more energy, and you’ll be able to show up fully for the people in your life who matter. Think about how you felt after the last good rest you had. How did you feel? Restored? Focused? Energised?

Give up multi-tasking

Try to do things one at a time so you can give them your full attention and feel satisfied with the finished task. 

Practice self-compassion

Be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend. Acknowledge that life is tough and you’re doing your best. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. You need a friend right now, not a bully. 

Celebrate your wins

Take time to recognise your achievements instead of rushing to the next thing.

You don’t have to manage stress alone

If stress is overwhelming, talk to a trusted friend or consider seeking support from a counsellor. A counsellor could support you in: 

• Challenging your inner critic and finding your self-compassion.
• Building resilience and confidence.
• Gaining a new perspective on your concerns.

Talking things through with someone compassionate can be a powerful step toward feeling better. You deserve support, and spending time focusing on yourself could help you to see this.

Stress is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to control you. By recognising its effects, setting boundaries, and practicing self-care, you can break free from stress and reclaim your well-being.