So you want to be a counsellor? Pull up a chair!

So you want to be a counsellor? Here's a 12-year survival guide they don't teach in training. From inappropriate phone calls to heart-clutch moments, the honest truth about life as a counsellor.

So, you’re thinking of studying counselling and psychotherapy? Or perhaps you’ve already dipped your toe in and are beginning to realise that this is less of a dip and more of a full-length ocean swim. As someone who has spent twelve consecutive years in training, being a mum, working in private practice, and simultaneously holding down a career in education, allow me to offer you a blend of my wisdom, honesty, and gentle humour about what you might expect along the way, obviously based on my experiences.

This isn’t a textbook (although goodness knows I’ve read enough of them to write several). Instead, it’s my lived experience, part love letter to the profession, part survival guide for those about to embark on the same journey. Consider it the counselling student’s version of a backstage tour.

Your 12-year survival guide to being a counsellor 

You’ll learn more from your clients than any textbook

Yes, theory matters. Yes, your Carl Rogers, Freud, Bowlby, and Jung are important. But here’s the honest truth: Your clients will teach you more than any textbook ever could. They will challenge your assumptions, broaden your worldview, and introduce you to the complexities of the human condition in ways no lecture can prepare you for. They will also teach you humility. Nothing bursts your academic bubble quicker than a client saying, “That doesn’t work for me.”

Doubt becomes your constant companion

When you first start out, you’ll doubt yourself. Am I doing this right? Did I ask the right question? Should I have nodded more? That doubt doesn’t vanish, even twelve years later. If anything, it matures into a sort of low-level background hum. The good news is that doubt keeps you reflective. The bad news is that sometimes you’ll find yourself replaying sessions at 3 a.m. while clutching a textbook on whatever theory you are analysing. Welcome to the profession!

Your Google search history will raise eyebrows

One day, it ia “flash technique.” The next, it is “what happens to the nervous system during trauma?” Followed by “digital addiction?” and then (for reasons you can’t fully explain) “neurobiology of hope.” And don’t even get me started on the times clients bring up niche phobias or compulsions, suddenly, you’re deep into rabbit holes at midnight and beyond.

You will become obsessed with research (and books, so many books!)

Psychoeducation, neuroscience, and continued professional development (CPD). These words will become your bread and butter. You’ll think, I’ll just read one more paper on trauma-informed approaches before bed. Next thing you know, it’s 2 a.m., and you’ve bought yet another book because “this one looks essential.”

Let me save you the suspense: You will never read all the books you buy. Well, I didn’t! You’ll build a library that looks like a cross between Waterstones and a self-help aisle. Some will remain pristine and untouched, serving purely as decorative reassurance that you’re “well-read.” Others will be covered in post-it notes, coffee stains, and margin scribbles.

Your social circle will shrink

It’s not intentional. But as you dive deeper into the world of counselling, you’ll find your social circle slowly shrinking. Not everyone wants to discuss transference, trauma responses, or the finer points of Freud over Friday night drinks. (Shocking, I know.)

That said, the friendships you do keep will be richer, more authentic, and far more understanding when you say, “Sorry, I can’t come out, I’ve got a case study to finish.”

You’ll laugh, cry, and worry alongside your clients

Yes, we are boundaried, of course we are. But we’re still human. There will be sessions where you feel your throat tighten, your eyes water, or your heart clutch at the sheer weight of someone’s story. There will also be sessions where you laugh, sometimes through tears, with your clients. Therapy is full of raw humanity, and no matter how professional we are, we are not robots. Let AI handle the robotic responses. What we bring, warmth, empathy, and connection, is irreplaceable.

Inappropriate telephone calls

Be prepared: At some point when you’re starting out, you’ll get that call. The one where someone isn’t really looking for therapy but has… other intentions. It happens. Don’t take it personally. Most therapists have a story or two in this department. When this initially happened, I was left shellshocked for days, but realised after reading on counselling forums that other counsellors were also receiving these calls. It so isn't right, but I felt less isolated.

Clients will sometimes not choose you

And that’s okay. Early on, it can sting when someone decides not to work with you. But often, clients are ringing around several therapists. It’s not rejection; it’s fit. Not every match is meant to be, and that is okay. The right clients, the ones who connect with your style, your presence, and your approach, will stay. And those are the relationships where the real work happens.

Remember: This is your income

We enter this field out of passion, compassion, and often personal calling. But at the end of the day, you also need to keep the lights on. Therapy is your job as well as your vocation. It’s okay to acknowledge that fees matter, that bills exist, and that, as much as you’d love to offer endless pro bono sessions, you also like eating and paying rent.

 No other profession would offer free sessions. Do you remember the last time that you got a free session from your hairdresser, chiropodist? We need to start honouring our worth, we have done our hundreds of hours of volunteering, spent thousands of hours and probably thousands of pounds. No other profession offers free sessions. Passion won’t pay the bills!

Your supervisor: Your anchor

Your supervisor will become your constant source of reassurance and comfort, as well as the person who challenges you when you need it most. Supervision is a lifeline, not a luxury. There will be days you drag yourself in, convinced you’ve failed, only to walk out lighter, steadier, and occasionally with homework of your own. Treasure your supervisor. They are your professional anchor.

The most rewarding profession

After twelve years and still going, countless books, sleepless nights, laughter, tears, supervision and therapy sessions, inappropriate phone calls, and all the doubts that come with the territory, I can say this: Counselling and psychotherapy is the most rewarding profession there is. No other work offers the privilege of sitting with another human being in their rawest, most vulnerable moments, and witnessing transformation, healing, and growth.

After twelve years, I can tell you this much: The late-night essays, the endless supervision notes, the existential self-doubt, and the dangerously unstable tower of unread books are all part of the package. But beneath the chaos, one thing remains steady, your values and the reason you signed up in the first place. You didn’t choose this profession for the easy life, or the predictable hours; you chose it because you care about people. And that, dear student counsellor, is your calling. Stay true to that, and you’ll find that even on the toughest days, this really is the most rewarding, life-affirming and enriching vocation there is.

There’s nothing quite like it. And no matter how many years I’ve studied or how many sessions I’ve sat in, I remain in awe of this work. If you’re starting out: Buckle up, keep your sense of humour, and get ready for the ride of your life.