So, you might have ADHD. What now?

You’ve likely clicked on this because something about ADHD resonates with you. Maybe you’ve wondered for years if you have it. Maybe someone suggested it offhand, and it stuck with you. Maybe you think that everyone is just jumping on the bandwagon, and you don’t want a ‘label’, or maybe you’re just beginning to explore why life feels harder than it should.  

Whether or not you ever receive a formal diagnosis, it’s possible – even likely – that aspects of ADHD have played a role in shaping your life. And for many people, that influence hasn’t always been positive. You don’t have to have a formal diagnosis, or even meet the criteria for a diagnosis – you may still struggle with focus, concentration, time management, forgetfulness, restlessness, impulsivity or have difficulty regulating emotions. 

ADHD is more than restlessness and distraction

We often think of ADHD in terms of obvious traits: hyperactivity, forgetfulness, losing things, and being easily distracted. But there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface. For many adults who suspect they may have ADHD, the symptoms have quietly (or not so quietly) impacted their lives in significant ways, especially when they’ve gone unrecognised for years.

Let’s talk about some of those deeper impacts:

Strained relationships

Living with undiagnosed or unmanaged ADHD can take a toll on relationships – romantic, familial, and social. You might forget important dates, interrupt during conversations, or struggle to follow through on promises. To others, this can look like carelessness or disinterest, when really it may be executive dysfunction or time blindness at play.

Over time, this can erode trust and create conflict. You may have been labelled as unreliable, selfish, or immature, and started to believe those things yourself.

Damaged self-worth

When everyday tasks feel like uphill battles, it’s easy to internalise the struggle as a personal failure. Maybe you’ve heard yourself say things like, “I’m just lazy,” or “What’s wrong with me?” Especially if you were never diagnosed or supported in school, the constant comparison to peers who seem to “have it together” can chip away at your confidence.

People with undiagnosed ADHD often grow up thinking they’re broken or incapable, when in reality, they’ve just been unsupported in a world not built for the way their brains work. This feeling of damaged self-worth can lead to depression, anxiety or addiction.

Trouble with school and work

For many adults, the first signs of ADHD appeared in the classroom – difficulty concentrating, unfinished projects, poor time management. If these challenges weren’t understood or accommodated, they may have led to lower qualifications, school dropout, or a sense that you were never “living up to your potential.” Having a set of poor qualifications can have a serious impact on your opportunities in life. Not only does it impact your own self-worth, but it also influences how others rate you.

The workplace can bring similar struggles. Meeting deadlines, staying organised, and managing multiple tasks are core parts of most jobs – and they’re also some of the biggest challenges for people with ADHD. This can lead to a patchy employment history, frequent job changes, or missed promotions, which only deepen the sense of underachievement.

So… What now?

Here’s the important thing: you’re not broken, lazy or stupid. Whether or not you meet the full criteria for an ADHD diagnosis, it’s valid to explore how these traits may have shaped your life. You deserve support, understanding, and tools that work for your unique brain.

While counsellors/psychotherapists are unable to formally diagnose ADHD, I believe that, through counselling, you can explore what impact certain ADHD traits have had on your life or are impacting you now.

Counselling can unpack past experiences, identify patterns, and build strategies for moving forward with compassion and clarity. Together, you can look at the particular aspects of your life which have had a negative impact, talk about how these have made you feel, and look for ways to help you navigate life now and in the future. 

When looking for a therapist to explore issues around possible ADHD, it is essential to find someone who has experience and training in this area.  A therapist may use a variety of modalities and methods, such as psycho-education, ADHD informed CBT, or coach-based skills, which will all help prospective clients understand more about ADHD, develop coping strategies, and explore the resulting emotional impact.  

ADHD coaches will be able to help with the day-to-day challenges of living with ADHD, helping to develop coping skills and so on, whereas the right therapist will, in addition, be able to help with the possible resulting emotions.

ADHD and its symptoms can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and addiction, and a good counsellor will be able to explore these emotions in depth. Therapy may begin by examining the symptoms of ADHD and determining which have had or continue to have a negative impact. By knowing why certain things have been a struggle in the past, you can go a long way in putting the pieces together and uncovering the root of other emotional or behavioural problems.

Diagnosis or not, if any of this feels familiar, you’re not alone. And there’s a path toward feeling more in control, more understood, and more at peace with yourself.