Sleep difficulties in women over 40 - and one thing that can help

It’s 3 a.m. again. You’re wide awake, mind racing, body tired but restless. For many women over 40, this isn’t just an occasional frustration – it’s a pattern. Trouble falling asleep, frequent waking, early rising, and non-refreshing sleep can slowly chip away at well-being, energy, and mood.

What’s going on?

Hormonal changes, especially during perimenopause and menopause, can significantly disrupt sleep. Fluctuating oestrogen and progesterone levels affect everything from body temperature to mood regulation and stress response, making night sweats, anxiety, and restlessness more common. Other contributing factors include increased life stress, caregiving responsibilities, and natural changes to the body’s circadian rhythm with age.

How poor sleep can affect daily life

Poor sleep isn’t just about feeling groggy. It can lead to increased irritability, forgetfulness, low mood, reduced immunity, and a greater risk of chronic health issues. It also makes it harder to regulate emotions, which can strain relationships and affect self-confidence.

So what can you do?

There’s no single magic fix, but there is one thing that makes a real difference - be kind to yourself.

This is the time your body needs your compassion, not criticism or added frustration. Self-kindness isn’t indulgence – it’s protective. Repeat a kind phrase to yourself and take deep breaths. If you prefer, journal about it and write a kind letter to yourself, offering sympathy as you would to a loving friend. Write until you feel even a small shift in tone, in breath, or in mood. That’s your nervous system beginning to soften.

You can also send calming signals to your body through your senses. Choose a soft, soothing tune to play – perhaps a gentle instrumental piece, or if you’re spiritual or religious, a sacred song that brings comfort (such as a Christian hymn, Islamic nasheed, Hindu chant, or Buddhist bell tones). Let the music play while you sit or lie in the dark, taking slow, deep breaths. Let the melody settle your thoughts and gently slow your heartbeat.

Scent is another powerful tool. Burning a calming incense like lavender, sandalwood, or frankincense can create a grounding ritual. Many traditions use scent in this way – Orthodox churches use incense in worship, Hindus offer sandalwood or camphor in prayer, Buddhists use temple incense, and even lighting a simple candle can create a moment of peace. If you're not spiritual, simply choose a scent you enjoy. Sit quietly or lie down with the aroma nearby and breathe it in slowly, reminding your body that it is safe.

If you want, you can also use a meditation app and listen to a body scan audio at the same time. Again, the goal is not to force sleep, but to soften into rest. By stimulating your senses with intention, you gently signal to your body that it’s safe to let go.

When to seek help

If poor sleep is affecting your mental health, work, relationships, or physical health, it’s time to reach out. A mental health professional can help you uncover the root causes and guide you toward real, lasting support.

Many people are surprised to learn that therapy can be highly effective for sleep issues. Cognitive behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) is a structured, evidence-based approach that targets the thoughts, habits, and behaviours that keep you stuck in the cycle of poor sleep. You’ll work with your therapist to gently restructure your sleep patterns, reduce anxiety around sleep, and create routines that support natural rest.

Therapy also gives you space to explore the emotional load you may be carrying – grief, transitions, hormonal changes, or stress that often shows up at night. Sessions may include techniques like mindfulness, guided imagery, or simple breathing exercises that you can take home and use when you need them most.

Although everyone is different, many people see improvements in their sleep within 4-8 sessions of targeted therapy. And even when sleep is part of a bigger picture – anxiety, trauma, or burnout, for example – beginning the conversation with a therapist is a powerful first step.

Sleep may not come easily right now, but support can.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. If you’re struggling with sleep, mood, or stress, reach out. There is help available to you.