I thought it was just the menopause

Before I begin, I want to say clearly that this article is not intended to cause fear. Many women transition through menopause without experiencing severe difficulties. However, I do believe these stories still need to be highlighted, because they reflect a much wider issue around women feeling unheard, dismissed and unsupported during menopause and perimenopause.

When menopause symptoms are dismissed

“I just thought it was the menopause” is a sentence I hear far too often. Recently, one of my clients shared a frightening experience with me. She had ignored ongoing symptoms for months, believing everything she was feeling was “just menopause.”

Eventually, she became so seriously unwell that she was rushed into hospital for emergency surgery. When the surgeon asked why she had not sought help sooner, she replied honestly: “I thought it was all part of the menopause.”

While sitting in A&E waiting, she met another woman who had taken too much anti-anxiety medication. She had been desperately battling severe menopause symptoms and crippling anxiety while feeling unheard and dismissed. Her GP had not really listened. She felt exhausted, frightened and alone.

Listening to these stories left me feeling deeply sad and frustrated for these women and for so many others silently struggling. Women have transitioned through menopause for millennia, yet we are still battling stigma, silence, confusion, and at times being medically unheard. Why?

The lack of menopause education and understanding

Part of the problem is a lack of education and understanding.  Another issue is that women are still often expected to simply “push through.” Research from the Fawcett Society found that one in ten women who worked during menopause had left a job due to menopause symptoms.

A survey of 5,000 women conducted by Newson Health Research and Education found that a third of women wait at least three years for their symptoms to be correctly diagnosed as menopause related, and a further 18% visited their doctor six times before they got the help they needed.

Many reported feeling unsupported, embarrassed or unable to cope. Meanwhile, studies show that anxiety, depression and low mood can significantly increase during perimenopause due to hormonal fluctuations and the impact on the nervous system.

Many women are used to caring for everyone else first. We minimise our symptoms. We ignore our intuition. We keep functioning while privately falling apart.

Listening to your body

Yes, menopause and perimenopause can cause very real and sometimes distressing physical and psychological symptoms. Anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, low mood, irritability, brain fog, exhaustion and intrusive thoughts can all occur due to hormonal changes.

However, I also think it is important to acknowledge the nuance here. Because so many symptoms overlap with other health conditions, there can be a risk of women attributing everything solely to menopause and ignoring signs that something else may also need attention. How do we trust our bodies?

I want women to feel empowered, rather than dismissed. Advocacy during menopause is not about creating fear. It is about helping women feel informed, heard and supported enough to trust themselves and seek help when needed.

When we start dismissing everything as “just hormones”, we can stop listening to our bodies completely. We disconnect from ourselves. We begin doubting our instincts. We override the inner voice telling us something is not right.

As a counsellor, I often see women who no longer trust themselves. They tell me they feel emotionally overwhelmed, highly anxious and mentally exhausted. Some fear they are losing control. Others feel guilty for not coping “better.”

Many have spent years masking distress, while continuing to work, parent, care for relatives and meet everyone else’s needs. Somewhere along the way, they stop asking themselves an important question: “What do I need?”

Menopause and anxiety: understanding the emotional impact

One of the most important things I discuss with clients is the relationship between thoughts, feelings and the nervous system.

When anxiety is high, the brain begins scanning constantly for danger. Negative thoughts can quickly spiral. A woman experiencing hormonal changes alongside stress, poor sleep and overwhelm may suddenly find herself catastrophising, overthinking or expecting the worst.

The body remains in a constant state of alert, which can intensify panic symptoms, insomnia and emotional exhaustion. This is why learning to slow the mind matters. Not every thought deserves your attention. Not every fear is a fact.

Feelings are important, but feelings are not always evidence. Learning to separate feelings from facts can be incredibly powerful during menopause. Just because your mind says, “I cannot cope”, does not mean it is true. Just because you feel panicked does not mean you are unsafe.

How counselling can help during menopause

Counselling during menopause is not about telling women their symptoms are “all in their head.” It is about helping them reconnect with themselves again. It is about validation, emotional support and learning tools that can reduce suffering while helping them feel calmer and more in control.

Counselling can help women recognise patterns of anxiety and regain a sense of emotional balance. Techniques such as grounding, breath work, mindfulness and nervous system regulation can help calm the body and reduce anxiety symptoms. Cognitive approaches can help challenge catastrophic thinking. Sometimes simply having someone genuinely listen without judgement can be life-changing.

Protecting your peace during midlife

I also often talk to clients about protecting their peace.

Many women in midlife are carrying emotional loads they were never meant to carry alone. They are absorbing everyone else’s emotions, trying to fix everyone’s problems and reacting instantly to every stressor around them. Over time, this creates emotional burnout.

Detachment can be powerful. Not coldness. Not shutting down emotionally. Healthy detachment means recognising that you cannot control everyone else's behaviour or their choices. The only person you truly have control over is yourself.

Protecting your peace means learning to pause before reacting. It means setting boundaries without guilt. It means recognising when your nervous system needs rest rather than criticism.

Most importantly, it means listening to yourself again. You deserve to be heard. Your body is not your enemy. Your anxiety is not a weakness. Your menopause journey does not have to be endured in silence.

If you are struggling, please know there is support available. There are professionals who will listen. There are tools that can help you cope with anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia and overwhelm. There are ways to quieten the constant mental noise and begin trusting yourself again. And if something inside you is telling you that something feels wrong physically or emotionally, please listen to that voice. You deserve to be heard.

Note: The client referenced in this article has given permission for aspects of their experience to be shared. No personal or identifying information has been disclosed.

References

Fawcett Society (2022) Menopause and the Workplace

NHS Guidance: Menopause symptoms and mental health

British Menopause Society resources

The Menopause Charity resources