Rejection sensitivity: Why criticism hurts more than it should

Have you ever felt crushed by a tiny bit of feedback, or spent hours replaying a conversation in your head because you were sure someone was annoyed with you? If so, you are not alone. And you are not overreacting. 

What is rejection sensitivity?

Rejection sensitivity is a powerful emotional experience where even small signs of disapproval can feel like deep wounds. For some people, especially those who are neurodivergent, it is not about being too sensitive. It is about a nervous system that reacts quickly and strongly to perceived social threats.

Rejection sensitivity is the tendency to anxiously expect, perceive, and overreact to signs of rejection or criticism. It can show up in many forms, such as intense emotional reactions, people-pleasing, avoidance, or sudden withdrawal from relationships or activities.

One term often used to describe an extreme version of this experience is rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD. While not a formal diagnosis, RSD is widely discussed in ADHD communities and describes the overwhelming pain some people feel in response to real or perceived rejection.

People with RSD may find themselves shutting down, lashing out, or spiralling into shame when they receive even the gentlest of feedback. They may interpret neutral expressions or delayed replies as signs that someone is upset with them. This hyper-awareness and reactivity to perceived rejection can make relationships feel like emotional minefields. It can also lead to a pattern of avoidance: not applying for opportunities, not asserting needs, not taking healthy risks, all because the possibility of rejection feels unbearable.

Rejection sensitivity can be easily confused with other mental health challenges, especially generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) or social anxiety disorder (SAD). Like rejection sensitivity, both GAD and SAD involve heightened worry, fear of judgment, and avoidance behaviours. However, the key difference often lies in the trigger: while GAD involves persistent and excessive worry about a range of everyday concerns, and SAD centres around fear of embarrassment or scrutiny in social situations, rejection sensitivity is specifically driven by an intense emotional response to perceived or anticipated rejection.

The line between these experiences can be blurry, and sometimes they co-exist, but understanding rejection sensitivity as a distinct pattern helps tailor support more effectively.

Why does rejection sensitivity happen?

There are several contributing factors. For those with neurodivergent traits such as ADHD or autism, the brain may process social cues differently. The nervous system may be more reactive, interpreting ambiguity or minor conflict as a threat. This isn’t about being fragile; it is about wiring. Experiences of bullying, exclusion, or misunderstanding, particularly during childhood, can reinforce these patterns. When someone grows up feeling like they are often in the wrong, or too much, or never enough, their internal alarm system gets trained to scan for danger even in safe situations.

The effects of rejection sensitivity can be far-reaching. A person may become highly self-critical, believing that any social misstep means they are fundamentally flawed. They might struggle with perfectionism, trying to anticipate and meet the expectations of others to avoid conflict. Some withdraw emotionally or physically from relationships. Others overextend themselves, constantly trying to earn approval. The emotional toll of living in this heightened state of vigilance can be exhausting.

But it is possible to heal and find new ways to relate to both oneself and others. While rejection sensitivity may not disappear entirely, people can learn to manage it and reduce its grip. This process often begins with awareness and validation. Understanding that these reactions have roots in neurology and experience, rather than weakness, helps reduce shame and creates space for growth.

What can help manage rejection sensitivity?

One helpful approach is developing self-compassion. This means learning to respond to your own distress with the same kindness you might offer a friend. A therapist might guide a client through exercises such as compassionate letter writing, where they practice writing to themselves from a place of care and empathy. Another strategy is using compassionate self-talk in moments of distress: instead of saying, "I can't believe I messed that up," a person might learn to say, "This is hard, and I am doing my best."

Psychoeducation is also a powerful intervention. Many people find relief in simply understanding what rejection sensitivity is and why they experience it. A therapist might explain the role of the amygdala in triggering a fight-flight-freeze response or explore the influence of past relational wounds on present emotions. When clients see their reactions as part of a pattern with understandable origins, they can begin to step out of cycles of self-blame.

Working on assertiveness and boundaries is another key area. People with high rejection sensitivity often struggle to express their needs, fearing backlash or disapproval. A therapist might use roleplay to help a client practice saying no or asking for space in relationships. They might explore core beliefs around worthiness and help the client build confidence in their right to take up space and have needs.

Mind-body strategies can help regulate the nervous system and reduce emotional intensity. Grounding exercises, such as focusing on the breath, noticing five things in the environment, or using cold water, can help bring someone back into the present moment when they feel overwhelmed. Therapists may introduce somatic tracking, which involves noticing bodily sensations with curiosity and without judgment, helping clients build tolerance for difficult emotions.

Finally, therapy itself provides a safe and structured space to explore rejection sensitivity. Whether through CBT, ACT, compassion-focused therapy, or trauma-informed approaches, therapy can support clients to unpick unhelpful patterns and build new skills. This might include identifying triggering situations, practising alternative interpretations of social cues, or developing an inner nurturing voice.

If you often feel like you are walking on eggshells – either with others or with yourself – you are not broken. Rejection sensitivity is a real and painful experience, but it is also something that can be understood and supported.

With the right tools and support, you can begin to feel safer in your relationships and more confident in yourself. And perhaps most importantly, you can start to believe that you are not too much or not enough. You are just human, doing your best in a world that can sometimes feel harsh, and that is enough.