Overcoming insomnia
As someone who struggled with insomnia for many years, I can fully understand the physical sensations and racing thoughts that come with lying awake until the early hours, sometimes all night!

I remember constantly checking the clock, calculating the hours of sleep I would get before the alarm went off, and having paralysing, dread-inducing thoughts of just how tired I was convinced I was going to be the next day. It was the furthest thing from relaxation imaginable. It is no wonder insomnia was a constant companion.
It was a ‘companion’ I made into an enemy. I hated my insomnia… The way it made me feel the next day, the bags under my eyes, the heaviness, dizziness, utter exhaustion and irritation with everyone as I forced my way through life’s obligations when all I wanted was to be able to sleep. I couldn’t understand how this seemed so easy to people. I was furious and frustrated with myself for not being able to just switch off like they seemed to be able to. What was wrong with me?!
It’s a vicious catch-22. The thing we resist and push away the most seems to be the thing that pushes back. Anything we fight inside ourselves will naturally defend itself. This is why tackling our ‘inner critic’ with another layer of criticism or judgement never works. We are trying to solve a ‘problem’ with the very same tools that are causing the problem in the first place!
It might sound paradoxical, but as with most things in therapy, the trick is acceptance. This can feel paradoxical as, for most of us, we have been educated to focus on what is ‘wrong’ in order to put it right. We have been conditioned to try and fix things, and so acceptance can sometimes feel like giving up on that part of us that feels the need to fight things or problem-solve.
If insomnia could be fixed through problem-solving, I would have fixed it. I tried every single technique I could find to ‘solve’ it. I didn’t realise I was only making the problem worse. In fighting it, resisting it, and trying to get rid of it, I was only giving it more power over me. For every failed attempt to defeat it, I became more frustrated, and the stakes seemed higher.
Eventually one night I decided I’d had enough. I let it win. I stopped fighting, resisting and battling my insomnia and accepted it exactly as it was. It seemed that my whole nervous system relaxed as the internal resistance drained, and I slept well for the first time in years.
How therapy can help with insomnia
It can sometimes be the case that we need some support to help us quieten our minds. Many of us have been conditioned to focus on what’s wrong with ourselves and can be very self-critical, so self-acceptance is something that might take some time to develop.
Therapy can help us look at ourselves compassionately and objectively, seeing ourselves as worthwhile and good enough exactly as we are. From this position, it can be easier for us to accept all aspects of ourselves – including our apparent insomnia.
When we are able to be self-accepting, we will find improvements in many areas of our lives. As Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I can change.” This is something that we can absolutely learn and develop.
There are many ways to do this, but therapy can be one. In learning to let go of our negative thoughts, we can overcome our insomnia. We become kinder to ourselves and create much better conditions for sleep to occur. This is something that is within reach for all of us.
