Music, film and counselling

Even after making the decision to go to counselling, you might question what you are actually going to talk about. How do you begin opening up to someone you've just met? You may know something doesn't feel quite right, but you don't know how to explain it. You might even wonder whether there is anything in your life important enough to talk about.

Counselling does not have to begin with a clear account of what is wrong. Sometimes it can begin with something much more familiar.

Most of us have some relationship with music, film, or both. We may return to certain songs, prefer particular kinds of films, feel drawn to a character or scene, or simply know that some things hold our attention while others do not.

Music and film carry stories, moods and ways of seeing the world. Sometimes these are clear in lyrics, dialogue and plot. Sometimes they are suggested through sound, imagery, pace or atmosphere. Whatever form they take, we experience them from within our own lives.

That can offer an interesting starting point in counselling. Rather than beginning with an explanation of ourselves, we might begin with what we listen to or watch, what we like or dislike about it, what feels familiar, what feels distant, and whether something in the story reflects our own life or offers a very different one.

The stories we are given

Stories have always done more than entertain. They have carried warnings, marked boundaries and helped give shape to uncertainty and things that could not yet be seen.

The theme from Jaws, composed by John Williams, is a familiar example. Before the shark appears, those few notes have already changed the story. Something is hunting, hidden somewhere beyond view. The music gives the unseen danger a presence, and our imagination does the rest.

When words are involved, the story can take on a different shape. Songs with lyrics may express a narrative more directly through words, characters and experiences. Film can do the same through dialogue, relationships and the situations characters find themselves in. Someone else has created the story, but the connection we make with it is our own.

A song about confidence, friendship or belonging may connect strongly, even when we are not sure why. Sometimes the connection feels obvious; at other times, it may simply be something we notice.

This is part of the experience of listening and watching. We can be drawn into a mood, caught by a line, or absorbed in a world very different from everyday life without needing to know immediately what appeals about it.

Our responses can change too. A song or film we have known for years may feel quite different at another point in our lives. The story may be the same, but we are not.

Bringing the experience into counselling

Talking directly about our emotional world is not always easy. Music or film can give the conversation somewhere more concrete to begin.

Sometimes it may be easier to begin with someone else’s story. Talking about a character, a scene or a piece of music can give us a little distance from our own experience. As the conversation develops, something in that story may begin to feel familiar, uncomfortable or important in a way that was not obvious at first.

At a concert, club, rave or cinema, people can share the same experience while responding to it very differently. We may be caught up in the atmosphere, connect with a lyric or character, or simply enjoy being part of the crowd. The event is shared, but our experience of it remains our own. That distinction matters in counselling too. A shared event does not tell us how it was experienced from the inside.

Another way of becoming more aware

Music and film can help us become more aware of our own responses because those responses are already happening. We are already listening, watching and reacting.

A song, film, character or scene can simply give you and your counsellor something to explore together. There is no need to know beforehand what it means or where the conversation should lead. As you talk, parts of the experience may become easier to notice, describe or understand. And sometimes the response may simply be, “I don’t know.” That can be enough to begin with.

Counselling does not require us to understand ourselves before we arrive. The real value may lie in the shared exploration – having another person alongside us while we make sense of something that may not yet be clear.

We may not know what we want to talk about, or even why something matters to us. We do not have to know before we begin.