How can therapy help me heal from trauma and grief?

Trauma and grief leave profound imprints on the mind and body. For many, it feels like being stuck in a storm they can’t escape, with emotions they can’t control. But healing is possible when we begin to understand how our bodies and minds respond to these overwhelming experiences. By gently working with the body and exploring the nervous system's role in trauma, many clients have found a path toward growth and resilience. Let me share a couple of real-life examples (with their permission, of course) that highlight this process.

The body speaks: Feeling again after trauma

One client I worked with had spent a significant time feeling emotionally and physically numb after a significant traumatic event. They described life as though they were moving through a fog, disconnected from themselves and the world. Over time, as therapy created a safe space, they began to feel subtle sensations in their body — tingling in their hands and a heaviness in their chest. At first, this was terrifying for them.

The autonomic nervous system had been their silent protector, keeping them from feeling the full impact of the trauma until they were ready. This is a well-documented phenomenon. As Dr. Peter Levine, a pioneer in trauma work, explains: “Trauma is not what happens to us but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”

However, the brain’s “smoke detector,” the amygdala, was still on high alert, perceiving danger even though the threat was long gone. This hypervigilance led to a vicious cycle: the new bodily sensations triggered adrenaline, causing panic, which then intensified those sensations. The client began to fear their own body — a feedback loop of panic about panic.

Through simple strategies, we began to break this cycle. Grounding techniques and slow, diaphragmatic breathing calmed the vagus nerve, helping to regulate the nervous system. I also introduced psychoeducation, explaining how the brain was trying to keep them safe, even if it didn’t feel that way. Understanding the amygdala’s role in trauma helped the client reframe their panic.

Slowly, they moved from fearing their body to becoming curious about its signals. With time, they began to trust that these sensations were not a sign of danger but of their body processing the trauma, allowing healing to begin.

When stability feels fragile

Another client came to me after a long period of stability, only to find themselves suddenly overwhelmed and emotionally destabilised. They couldn’t pinpoint a trigger, which left them feeling powerless and frustrated. Together, we explored their feelings, and I introduced them to Deb Dana’s Polyvagal Theory and her metaphor of the “ladder.”

The nervous system, Dana explains, functions like a ladder with different states of regulation. At the top, we feel safe, connected, and calm. In the middle, we experience fight or flight — our body's alarm system. At the bottom, we can feel shut down, hopeless, or disconnected. My client was somewhere in the middle, stuck in fight-or-flight mode, unable to climb back up.

By mapping their emotional states onto the ladder, they began to connect with how they were feeling, even without identifying a clear trigger. Over time, we realised that a subtle but significant event — a conversation that brought back childhood memories — had acted as the catalyst. Armed with this insight and supported by grounding practices, they found their way back to a place of stability.

The role of psychoeducation in healing

Many clients find relief simply by understanding how trauma impacts the body. The autonomic nervous system is a complex but essential player in trauma and grief. It governs our fight, flight, and freezes responses, often working outside our conscious awareness. When this system becomes dysregulated due to trauma, it can leave us stuck in survival mode, making it difficult to process emotions or feel grounded.

As Gabor Maté wisely observes: “The essence of trauma is disconnection from the self.” This insight helps clients see that their body’s reactions are not failures but adaptive responses to overwhelming experiences. Understanding this is empowering. When we learn how the nervous system operates, we can begin to collaborate with it rather than feeling trapped by it.

For instance, tools like deep breathing, grounding exercises, and body-based awareness enable clients to calm their nervous systems and reconnect with their inner selves. Techniques inspired by Peter Levine's somatic experiencing allow clients to gently release the tension stored in their bodies without feeling overwhelmed, creating space for healing and growth.

Practical strategies for clients

Healing from trauma and grief is a deeply individual journey, but there are universal tools that can help. Here are a few I often share with clients:

• Grounding techniques: Try planting your feet firmly on the floor, focusing on the sensations of contact with the ground. This can help bring you back to the present moment.
• Breathing exercises: Inhale slowly for four counts, hold for four, and exhale for six. Longer exhales activate the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calmness.
• Mapping your ladder: Reflect on Deb Dana’s ladder metaphor. Where are you on the ladder today? What small steps can you take to feel more regulated?
• Body awareness: Practice noticing sensations without judgment. What is your body telling you? Over time, this can build a sense of safety within yourself.

Why this work matters

Trauma and grief often isolate us, convincing us we’re alone in our pain. But as I’ve seen time and again, healing is not only possible — it’s transformative. By understanding how the mind and body work together, clients can regain a sense of agency and reconnect with their lives.

This work is not about rushing or forcing change; it’s about creating a space where growth can unfold naturally. Each person’s journey is unique, and as a counsellor, it’s my role to walk alongside them, offering tools, understanding, and support.

As Dr Peter Levine reminds us, “The paradox of trauma is that it has both the power to destroy and the power to transform and resurrect.” Through patience and compassion, we can help clients find their way to the latter.

If you’re struggling with trauma or grief, know that there’s no “right” way to heal, only your way. And with the right support, that path can lead to renewed hope and connection.

This article is grounded in the belief that healing happens not just through talking but by reconnecting with your body and nervous system. Whether you’re just beginning this journey or have been searching for answers for a long time, know that help is available —and growth is possible.

References

• Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
• Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. Norton & Company.
• Maté, G. (2003). When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection. Wiley.
• Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.