From insight to action: how to move from awareness to change

It’s not easy to change; you might even be feeling that right now. But it is possible. We can change the way we interact with the world around us; what we believe, the way we cope with uncertainty, how we choose to defend our vulnerability, our choices and actions. Even our identity if we want to.

But this kind of change rarely stems from a single experience, whether a training course, book, meditation, or even therapy alone. More often, these experiences provide small blocks with which we build a psychologically safe home for ourselves. Or a companion to walk us along the path we endeavour to follow, a little helping hand towards our goals. 

To transform the stickiest parts of our lives, we must find a framework we can trust in with a commitment to practice. From my experience as a therapist, I want to share a framework I’ve found helpful in creating lasting change. It’s made up of eight essential elements, and begins with the story of what we all share in common.

The story of you and me

Each of us is an interconnected, living, breathing culmination of the psychology of our mind, the biology of our body, and the society we are a part of. Striving to feel safe, satisfied and connected. To feel seen, cared for, enough, and special. To be loved.

These irrepressible forces are buried deep down within our DNA. We must accept their presence with compassion, while holding space for the potential for change. Know that you’re not alone with your struggles. They are what connect me, you, and everyone else on this planet – it’s our shared human experience. 

Tip: When you next take a look in the mirror, pause for a moment. Notice what’s in your mind. Whatever is there, that’s OK. Is there also space for a quiet or bold recognition of yourself? To see yourself with tenderness, an appreciation even?

Your unique story

Much of our life has been outside our control, under the influence of our nature and nurture. Change begins by getting deeply interested in how this influenced our own personal experience, our history. How the journey moulded and shaped us into who we are today.

You can explore this on your own, or with the support of a therapist who will help you bear witness to your life through compassionate eyes. Allowing you to narrate your story with honesty and clarity, so that you may rewrite those sticky narratives you’ve held so tightly.

Tip: The better you know yourself, the better you can trust your choices, intentions, intuitions, behaviours, thoughts and feelings. But, there’ll always be some mystery there. Always some doubt. We must be OK with this. The kaleidoscope of the mind will never reveal itself completely.

Soothing our way to safety

In moments where we feel vulnerable, stressed, under attack, hurt, criticised or exposed, our nervous system takes over to try and control the threat. The part of the brain responsible for calm, logical, rational, gentle responses goes offline. The stress response kicks in, and we fight, flight, fawn, freeze or flop; finding ourselves in the extremes of these hyper and hypo arousal states.

Tip: This is an automatic process, the body and brain just doing their thing. Instead of fighting and tussling with this, we can bring our brain back online by giving it something clear and straightforward to do – move our body, write down our thoughts, count, observe our breath, or use our senses to describe our environment. Our intention is to return our mind and body back to a sense of safety.

Flexing the muscle of intention 

Our mind and body have all sorts of clever tools and adaptations at their disposal to help us avoid scary things, find short-cuts around difficult experiences, or seek out gratification. Cravings, impulses, urges, resistance, apathy, procrastination. These all lead us away from discomfort but don’t have our long-term interests at heart.

A more meaningful life requires an engagement with the present moment, through the gathering of our thoughts, senses, and behaviour. Creating space for choice so that we may turn towards what we might otherwise turn away from. 

Tip: When you feel stuck or sluggish, launch yourself into action by counting backwards 54321 – go! And on the ‘go’ take action. Once you move, the momentum acts like rocket fuel, and the perceived effort of the task will decrease.

Finding flow through our values 

Values are our inner compass and form a key part of our identity. They guide us in how we want to show up in the world, the person we want to be. They are the source of wisdom for what really matters to us. 

And they’re where we find our intrinsic motivation – that feeling of engaging in something just because it feels personally rewarding. If we can root our decisions, actions, and habits within our values, this alignment can bring a greater sense of satisfaction and ease. The feeling of being true to ourselves, centred, and a sense of autonomy. 

Tip: Identify your most important values, perhaps just five. Use these as the anchor for every new habit you attempt to build (more on that later).

Befriending our parts

We are all made up of different parts that shape our personality and who we are. It’s important for us to get interested in the particular parts which formed when we were young. Those who helped us navigate through our childhood safely, but who now rely on outdated survival mechanisms. These are the usual suspects: our inner critic, perfectionist, people pleaser, procrastinator, blamer and feelings of guilt, abandonment, and shame.

Rather than get rid of these parts, our intention is to build a relationship with them, to listen to what they have to say. You’ll find a therapist trained in the Internal Family Systems approach particularly helpful in supporting you with this process. 

Tip: Next time you feel a strong emotion, say: "I am noticing a part of me feels [emotion] right now." This small shift in language creates the spacious awareness needed to lead the feeling rather than be defined by it.

The power of positive emotions 

Our brain has evolved to pay attention to threats, dangers, and negative events. What to approach, what to avoid. This negativity bias influences how we perceive the world, the way memories are created, and how we make decisions.

Although the negativity bias is still important to us, the nuanced world of modern-day homo sapiens has outpaced this biological survival mechanism. To readdress the balance, we need to intentionally cultivatepositive emotions. 

Tip: By practising particular behaviours or experiences, we can activate the positivity circuits and neural pathways in our brain and body. This doesn’t just feel good, but also positively impacts our health and well-being. Try intentionally focusing on a positive experience and staying with the feeling for a few moments. Notice how it feels in the body – warmth, satisfaction, or openness – and encourage it to expand.

Building habits (repetition, repetition, repetition)

At the heart of change is the building of new habits. We do this through having new experiences and then repeating those experiences to encourage new neural pathways in the brain. In the process, we unpick and rewire beliefs and behaviours previously woven into our brain structure. When it comes to the brain, what we put our attention on grows!

Tip: Big changes come about through consistent small steps taken in alignment with our values. Focus on creating an identity-based habit. Think about who you want to become and create the space to believe you are that person now. Then take small actions to prove that identity to your brain.

A journey towards change

Change begins as we weave our personal history. and experiences, into a cohesive and compassionate narrative. One which helps us understand and accept the forces that shaped us. From here, we learn the skills needed to soothe our distress and actively nurture positive emotional states. And if we can align our actions with our core values, we begin to take the courageous steps required to reshape our habits, foster self-kindness, and reach the milestones that matter most. This is the path to growth; this is how we change.

Next steps

We’ve only just scratched the surface of this framework. There are many ways you can expand your knowledge of the different topics and develop the skills and tools to further support you.

For now, though:

• Could you begin by just getting interested in some of the ideas in this framework?
• How about exploring these ideas with a therapist? How might you focus on: cultivating positive emotions, being more intentional, soothing your nervous system, or getting to know the different parts of you?
• Is there a habit you could start right now, today?

And even more important than this specific framework, or any magic pills or silver bullets advertised online, is to find experiences and guidance that resonate with you. Something you can connect to and get on board with. Something you can believe in. To feel inspired is absolutely essential to change.