Finding joy and resilience as a trans+ person 

It’s no secret that now is a rough time to be trans, non-binary or gender nonconforming in any way.

Things are getting more and more challenging in the UK in April with the Supreme Court ruling on the definition of ‘sex’ in the Equality Act and subsequent draft EHRC guidance around single-sex spaces being announced.

Trans+ people are more visible than ever, with our representation in film and TV increasing. We’re also scapegoated by the political right, high-profile ‘gender critical’ feminists and conservative Christian groups, despite being a very small minority. As someone who identifies as trans non-binary and works with trans+ clients in therapy, the work can be heavy. I support clients in building resilience to live in a world that feels hostile. Common themes that come up in sessions:

• coming out to family members and friends
• transitioning, socially/medically
• coping with transphobia/ignorance from those close to us and society at large
• navigating trans healthcare
• limiting taking on transphobic input on social media and in the news

It can feel like a losing battle, like swimming against the tide. How do we keep going, how do we thrive and find joy in our identity? I believe the answer lies in connection – with others and ourselves.

How to find joy and resilience as a trans+ person 

1. Start on the internet

This might sound obvious. Realising you are trans, at whatever age, can be a lonely experience. You might think you’re the only one. Select places on the internet, for example, the trans forums on Reddit, can be a great place to start. Here you can find out about other people’s experiences of being trans, and talk to people who can really get it.

It’s an invaluable resource for finding information on medically transitioning and how to navigate the complicated world of trans healthcare. It can allow you to make friends with other trans+ people. There are also charities like Mermaids and LGBT Foundation that run helplines and email or text services which allow you to speak to someone who is trained to provide support and advice to trans+ folk.

2. Find community locally

Depending on where you live, there will be spaces that are trans+ friendly, and you might even find spaces specifically for people who are trans+. Some ideas:

• Meet ups –the Meetup app can help you find out about social groups and events for trans/LGBTQ+ people locally.
• Sports – sport can be a great way to connect with other trans people. Not A Phase has fitness and well-being sessions for trans people in various cities in the UK. Many places have sports clubs or groups for trans and non-binary people. There are also trans+ inclusive football groups in different areas, including London, Liverpool, Sheffield, Leeds and Manchester (I’m based in Yorkshire and so my knowledge skews north!) which you can find out about online. 
• Book clubs – independent bookshops can be a great place to meet other trans people in your community, e.g. in a book club, at an event with a trans author, or going to a zine-making workshop.
• DIY events – look for LGBTQIA+/queer film, music, literature festivals, spaces to find trans stories being told, where the costs to attend are usually on a sliding scale, making it a relatively affordable option.
• Pride events – there are more and more trans pride events popping up in the wake of recent developments, with London trans pride being the biggest trans+ pride demonstration in the world. Gathering at one of these or a LGBTQ+ pride event can help you feel connected to your community, and show you that you are not alone, but part of something bigger.

Socialising and trying to meet people can be daunting, and having a focus, such as playing a game, discussing a book or watching a film, can make this a lot easier.

3. Connect with your joy in being trans

Discussions around ‘wokeness’ frame being trans as a new fad, or political correctness gone mad. But trans people are valid, and we have always been here. Media coverage tends to look at trans identities negatively, and it’s easy for us to internalise the idea that being trans+ is a problem.

Therapy helps clients give themselves permission to feel joy in their identity. I know from my own experience and through supporting clients that there is joy to be found in living out our transness. Through living more authentically in your gender, being more aligned, and being able to be more ourselves. I believe therapy with a trans+ affirming therapist can allow you to find that joy, and can counteract the narrative that our identity is an issue.

It can be a space to connect with yourself in a new way, as you take your first steps to explore your gender and how you want to be in the world. This journey can begin in the therapy room and grow from there out into the rest of your life. Transphobic attitudes and policies seek to divide and discourage us. Through connection and community, we can resist this and continue to live our most authentic and joyful lives.