Chronic pain - wanting to live, not just survive

Chronic pain is not only physically uncomfortable to endure, it is also emotionally and mentally overwhelming. It has a huge effect on mental health and your quality of life.

Constantly enduring pain can be physically, emotionally and mentally tiring. A person suffering from chronic pain may think 'This is how it is.' They push on and mask what they feel inside because they don't want to project negativity onto those around them or seem like they are constantly moaning. On those bearable days (there is never a pain-free/good day) they may tell themselves they got through it!

Even things like eating can be difficult - from a meal one day then on another grabbing anything they can snack on as a meal replacement because their body needs to rest.

Anxiety can spiral, thoughts of 'What will I be like tomorrow?' 'How will I cope?' 'What if I can't go to work?' 'What if I can't get out of bed?' 'I can't take another day of feeling like this!'

The financial strain increases anxiety because there is a need to work and have an income but fighting every day to keep working is emotionally draining and overwhelming. 

You may feel helpless because you can't fix your situation, knowing that it is a long-term problem that must be managed. Others close to you may also feel helpless, which can affect your relationships with others.

Making plans is never straightforward. You worry that you won't feel up to going on the day. You feel like people won't understand; some will and some won't. With some illnesses, physical abilities can fluctuate from day to day, which makes the stigma more difficult to break, as you know people will judge you (thoughts of, "They are making excuses, or they were fine yesterday."). 

Accepting the situation is tough, going through a process of grief for the person you were and the things you used to do... the things you loved to do but can no longer do! Experiencing denial (avoiding reality), bargaining (I would give anything to..), anger (frustration at the situation), depression (low mood and struggling to process emotions), and acceptance (trying to acknowledge your loss and accept the reality) are all part of the experience. 

I recently was at work and had experienced a flare-up. Everyone took part in bench ball. I have to say it looked like so much fun. I sat on the side (on my own) although I enjoyed watching, and at the time I laughed and it lifted my mood. Inside I was so desperate to join in, the overthinking kicked in and I thought people would think I was boring and not part of the team. I came home and cried. Putting it in perspective - this isn't a big problem and gave myself a good talking to. The reality was I was struggling physically and this was life-changing for me and hard to process emotionally. 

Weight gain, confidence and self-esteem can be an ongoing battle. Taking medication to manage the pain (which is never effective enough). Feeling a burden, going to the GP or hospital for endless appointments or treatments, knowing there is no magic cure. Becoming too overwhelmed with how much it affects your life and needing some understanding and support. You might look OK on the outside but on the inside you know it is a different story!

Dealing with the emotional toll can be exhausting. Feeling depressed, becoming teary out of frustration or the level of pain you endure. The sleepless nights and discomfort - the fatigue during the day - only to start it all over again. It is like being on a hamster wheel, the cycle is repeated over and over. 

Isolating yourself from others and being alone with all of these thoughts can be scary. Comparing yourself to other people's situations, as if what you are going through is not that bad compared to others (the stigma).

Not being in control... 

What can you do?

• Surround yourself with a strong support network. Talk about your struggles with others to raise awareness and promote understanding. Ask for help, and let others help you.
• Support others with similar experiences because you understand exactly how it is.
• Find new things to enjoy and love in life. The tough one - accepting it is going to be one of those days where you have to listen to your body and rest. You are the one who it is affecting, you are the one who is experiencing this physical, mental and emotional pain. You can't blame yourself for things that are out of your control.
• Counselling can help. Acceptance and commitment therapy is often used to support chronic pain sufferers and talking with an experienced counsellor can help make those tough days more bearable.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing as well as you can be for right now.