Autism and the modern narrative

It seems that everywhere on social media, someone is talking about autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) or neurodivergent. Whether it’s the latest social media discussion, or a discussion highlighting the rise in diagnoses or self-diagnosis, ASD is in the public eye more than ever. But amid this increasing awareness, one vital element is often missing which is genuine listening.

For those who live with ASD, the experience is not just a trendy label or a momentary revelation, it is a lifelong reality that affects work, relationships, mental health and daily functioning in profound ways. Yet, despite greater visibility, misconceptions persist and many neurodivergent people still struggle to have their voices heard.

The issue with ‘everyone is a little bit neurodivergent’

One of the most frustrating phrases people with ASD often hear is, “Oh, everyone is a little bit neurodivergent.” This statement may be intended to express relatability, but it actually diminishes the lived experiences of those with ASD. 

Neurodivergence is not just about being introverted, quirky, or disliking certain social settings. It is a neurodevelopment condition that impacts sensory processing, communication, executive functioning and emotional regulation in ways that neurotypical individuals may never fully understand.

To suggest that “everyone” has some level of neurodivergence is to erase the real challenges faced by those who are genuinely neurodivergent. You cannot be “a little bit neurodivergent" in the same way that you cannot be “a little bit pregnant.” Autism is a spectrum, meaning it presents differently in each individual, but it is not something that comes in mild, moderate, or severe portions. It is a fundamental part of how a person experiences the world.

Understanding the differences: Neurological divergence in males VS females

Another common misunderstanding is the assumption that ASD presents the same way in all individuals. Historically, autism research and diagnostic criteria have been based on studies of young boys, leading to a significant underdiagnosis in females. 

Many neurodivergent women grow up masking their symptoms, consciously or unconsciously mimicking neurotypical behaviour to fit in. This can result in late diagnoses, often occurring only in adulthood, frequently around life transitions such as menopause, when masking becomes harder to sustain.

While neurodivergent males may be more likely to exhibit overt traits such as intense fixations on specific topics, social difficulties and repetitive behaviours, neurodivergent females often develop strong coping mechanisms that allow them to “blend in.” However, this constant effort to appear neurotypical can lead to burnout, anxiety and depression. Recognising these differences is crucial for accurate diagnosis and support.

Navigating work, relationships and mental health with neurological divergence

For those with ASD, everyday life can present unique challenges. Sensory sensitivities, executive dysfunction and difficulties with social interactions can make the workplace overwhelming. 

Relationships, both romantic and platonic, can be difficult to navigate due to differences in communication styles and emotional expression. These struggles can take a toll on mental health, leading to increased rates of anxiety and depression among neurodivergent individuals.

One of the key concepts in ASD is stimming, self-stimulatory behaviours such as rocking, tapping, or humming that help regulate emotions and sensory input. There are many different types of stimming. While some may view these behaviours as unusual, they are essential coping mechanisms for many neurodivergent people. Understanding and accepting stimming, rather than discouraging it, can be incredibly beneficial.

In the workplace, it is vital for neurodivergent individuals to feel safe discussing their needs. This might involve requesting reasonable adjustments, such as a quieter workspace, flexible working hours, or written instructions instead of verbal ones. 

Open communication and employer education can make a significant difference in creating an inclusive and supportive environment.

Communicating needs and seeking support

One of the most difficult aspects of living with ASD can be expressing needs and advocating for necessary accommodations. Many neurologically divergent individuals struggle with alexithymia (difficulty identifying and describing emotions), making it even harder to communicate distress or ask for help. Clear, direct communication, whether in personal relationships or professional settings is crucial.

Counselling can play a transformative role in helping neurologically divergent individuals navigate these challenges. A skilled therapist who understands neurodivergence can provide:

• Strategies for managing sensory sensitivities and anxiety.
• Tools for improving communication and social interactions.
• Support in unmasking and embracing authenticity.
• Guidance on self-advocacy in professional and personal settings.

For those newly diagnosed or questioning their neurodivergence, therapy can offer a space to process emotions and build self-acceptance. It can also help partners, family members, and colleagues better understand how to support their neurologically divergent loved ones.

Moving beyond awareness to true acceptance

While increased discussion about ASD has helped bring neurodiversity into mainstream awareness, true acceptance requires more than just recognition, it demands action.