A mixed-race perspective: Reparative belonging in therapy?

In 2021, it was reported that the number of multi-racial people has risen. Could this be a result of finally having the correct checkboxes to describe our mixed ethnic identities? Maybe.

Regardless, this growing number is often accompanied by a heightened sense of disconnection from parent cultures. Many multi-racial people describe themselves as not feeling Asian enough or not Black enough. This reflects the discrimination they may experience both within their own communities and in wider society. It also points to a kind of internal conflict – an "otherness," a sense of betweenness – that can come from standing on the margins of two or more cultures, with a strained or ambiguous connection to any one of them.

You might be a mixed-race person reading this now and thinking, “That’s worlds away from my experience.” And that is just as valid – because not all mixed-race experiences are the same. No two people are. No one perception is. And so, no one mixed-race story can speak for all.

As a mixed-race White British and Indian woman, my experience of cultural isolation – particularly from my minority community – won’t necessarily match the next woman’s. And that’s if the next woman experienced isolation at all.

What I’m trying to say is this: The mixed-race experience is still often overlooked – and when it’s not overlooked, we assume one-size-fits-all. Take, for example, research into eating distress. Even the studies in the Journal of Eating Disorders that aim to account for racial diversity, the samples still tend to be around 70% white. And when people from minority ethnic backgrounds are included, they're often grouped together under one broad label. But do Black and Brown people have the same experience? Do monoracial people experience the same pressure of racial legitimisation as mixed-race people? And do biracial individuals experience the same level of conflict between their dominant and heritage cultures as those with more than two racial backgrounds? 

Having sat in the therapy room with a wide range of clients – each with rich, complex identities and personal stories – I have to say, no. Every client has been unique. If not in their ethnicity, then in how they relate to it.

That’s why it’s so important to find a therapist who understands how your personal struggles – whether with depression, low self-esteem, grief, eating disorders, or anything in between – are shaped by your individual experience. A culturally competent therapist who can explore not just your mental health, but also how your ethnicity and dual heritage may influence these struggles by being curious about what being multiracial means to you. A therapist like that can help you feel safe and seen on your journey. They can offer you a reparative sense of belonging – a space where every part of your identity is held, respected, and prized.

So, how do you find a culturally competent therapist?

The task of finding a therapist might feel even more daunting now, so let's break it down.

When searching for a therapist, you can often filter by your own concerns to ensure that your selection of therapists are qualified in supporting you in these specific areas. For instance, you could select:

• cultural issues
• discrimination
• belonging
• racial identity
• marginalisation
• racism

It's important to remember that when selecting these concerns, they don't always have to reflect what is worrying you. Perhaps you want a therapist who is equipped in supporting clients experiencing marginalisation, to fill you with the confidence that they are aware of such issues and are comfortable talking about them. 

Once you have your list of therapists, I'd really recommend reaching out to a few different ones to arrange some free consultations. This will help you to figure out who you'll feel safe opening up to, especially about sensitive topics such as your culture and race. Maybe consider bringing some questions to these initial consultations:

• Do they have training or experience working with cultural and race issues?
• Are they familiar with your specific cultural background?
• What is their typical client demographic?

Questions such as these are important because I'll bet that we spend enough time educating friends, family and co-workers on our background and any societal issues we face. It's important that we don't have to educate our therapists, too!

When thinking of any other questions you might like to ask, it's helpful to remember that being culturally competent isn't just about race. Are there any other identity intersections which you feel are important? Perhaps your gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status. Sometimes, other aspects of your identity are compounded by your racial identity. 

Whilst chatting to a few different therapists, it may come to light that they're not equipped to support you in all of the areas you're looking for. That's OK – you're one therapist closer to the right one for you! In these cases, perhaps they know someone who might be better suited to you. Don't be afraid to ask for some recommendations. It's not bad-mannered – they should be happy to support you on your journey to the right therapist!

And when you do find a therapist who aligns with your needs, you can enjoy the safety of their therapeutic environment, and explore both your joys and hardships together, side-by-side, at your own pace.