3 ways to navigate pet bereavement

The UK is a nation of pet lovers. Statistics suggest that 60% of households in the UK own a pet (UK Pet Food, 2024). Owning a pet can enhance your life, bringing companionship, purpose and unconditional love. Pet owners often think of their beloved pets as part of the family and their lives are entwined as a result. With this in mind, it’s understandable that when a pet dies, the loss causes heartache and grief to those who loved them.

However, pet bereavement is often misunderstood, especially by those who have never owned or bonded with a pet. Kenneth J. Doka coined the term ‘disenfranchised grief’ in 1989, to describe grief that’s not valued or recognised by others or society (Doka, 1989). Pet bereavement is a common type of disenfranchised grief, which can leave those experiencing it feeling unable to talk about the loss of their pet and the impact it’s had on their life. 

Talking about bereavement, through sharing the circumstances that led to the pet’s death and about the lives they shared, is cathartic and helps to process loss. So when the death of a pet is minimised by others, or not valued by society, this can leave some people struggling with the grief they’re experiencing. 

If you can relate to this, or have a friend who has recently experienced pet bereavement, here are three ways to help you navigate the loss. 

3 ways to navigate the loss of a pet

1. Give yourself (or them) permission to grieve 

As humans, we process loss through grieving. There’s more to grief than just feeling sad, although it’s often an inevitable part. Grieving can impact you emotionally and physically, meaning you could feel exhausted and experience aches and pains. There are universal experiences of grief, but each person will grieve individually.

Experiencing denial and disbelief that your pet is no longer here is a common early occurrence; your brain lets the new reality sink in slowly, so you’re not unmanageably overwhelmed. You might feel angry and turn this inward through self-blame, or outward through blaming others or external circumstances. You could also experience depression, as this new undesired reality of life without your pet begins to sink in.

Eventually, in time, you will come to accept the loss. Although acceptance doesn’t mean you won’t still love, miss or think about your pet. It’s important to understand that grief isn’t linear and you can be triggered by memories any time after the loss. This is normal. 

Try to be kind and accepting of yourself during this difficult time. Shed any expectations, and try not to use coping strategies that numb pain. Feeling the pain of loss will help you process and heal. Giving a friend space to talk about their loss and listening without trying to fix things are ways you can support them. 

2. Considering getting a new pet 

Everybody reacts differently to pet bereavement. Some people want to get another pet to fill the void left by their loss; while others can’t even consider getting another pet. There is no right or wrong regarding this. It’s your decision, and you should do what feels right for you without feeling guilty - you’re already going through enough. If you feel unsure, the best thing to do is wait and not act hastily. 

One important thing to note when supporting somebody going through pet bereavement; don’t be the one to suggest that they get another pet. This can be incredibly hurtful and make the owner feel their pet is considered replaceable. Awareness of this is important, as the assumption that pets can be replaced adds to societal perspectives that minimise pet bereavement. 

3. Rituals and remembering them 

Rituals such as; burying or having your pet cremated, planting a tree in their memory, or making a memory box containing their things; may help you honour how much they meant. 

At first, it might be hard to look at photographs or walk where you once went, but in time you may feel more able to do this, hopefully finding comfort in the memories. 

Remember your expression of grief following pet bereavement will be as unique as you are. Try not to feel guilty for crying too much or too little; or for wanting to get another pet, or not. You’re going through enough and the biggest gift you can give yourself (or those you’re supporting) is acceptance and validation of your feelings. 

If you are struggling with grief following the loss of your pet, talking therapy can offer a safe space to work through these feelings.

References 

1. UK Pet Food (2024) https://www.ukpetfood.org/industry-information/statistics-new/uk-pet-population.html (Accessed 27th February 2025).

2. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 34(4), 283–294. Doka, K. J. (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington, MA, England: Lexington Books/D. C. Heath and Com.