How is shame linked to conflict?
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Steve Earlam. MSc. Dip HE. MNCS (Accd). MFDAP
19th June, 20110 Comments
After conflict one may experience guilt, the result of statements or actions of experiencing guilt may be closely flowed by feelings of shame, which appears for some to be closely associated with guilt. After guilt or shame one may express conflicted behaviour. It appears to be a cycle that some people get drawn into and struggle to break away from.
Defensiveness almost breaks the cycle, temporarily though it may seem, defence mechanisms such as denial, rationalisation and projection come into play in an effort to reduce the pain of guilt and shame.
If one can begin to understand why they feel guilty about what they say or do they may have a chance to modify their views, beliefs and principles.
Recognition, acceptance and modification come at a price, attacks on the ego are painful, and an acceptance that someone else may actually be right and I may be wrong is difficult to accept. Hard work and self-reflection are the ingredients for successful change.
Related articles from our experts
Jen TaylorMay 24th, 2017
Vickie Norris MSc, BA, BABCP, CBT therapist, anxiety specialist,17 yrs expMay 24th, 2017
Virginia Sherborne MBACP (Accred.)May 4th, 2017
Andrea Harrn Psychotherapist and Author of The Mood CardsMay 13th, 2011
Imi Lo: Psychotherapist, Art Therapist, Supervisor (MMH,UKCP,HCPC,MBPsS)March 29th, 2015
Keeley Townsend BA (Hons), Ad.Dip.CP with Distinction, MNCS (Acc)December 14th, 2009
Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. The views expressed are those of the member who wrote the article.