Bereavement Counselling & Link between Grief and Anger
Written by listed counsellor/psychotherapist: Jen Taylor, Pg Dip (Psych) & EMDR Consultant
20th February, 2012
It is necessary to grieve after a loss. Your doctor cannot help with his chemical pills and he has no time to listen to your pain. Your loss could be from losing your handbag, suitcase or iphone; missing out on a job promotion, losing a job, a pet dying or someone closer, much closer.
It will take 6 months to 2 years to get over even the first hurdle of losing a loved one. It is not something to be ashamed about, it changes us and it is meant to. It’s a time that we have to take so that we can really appreciate that person being in our lives and all that we have received through knowing them. They deserve this time for us to acknowledge their impact on our lives when we can really honour them and it could have a knock on effect as to the way that we continue to live.
I have found that it can be helpful to have just a few counselling sessions after the first couple of months. This can give the space needed to cry with someone who is not involved, to share worries and concerns and heartbreak and find a way to move forward. It may then put us on track to deal with our grief naturally but if problems do occur for instance after a year or two if the grief seems to be turning us inwards towards depression rather than opening out to embrace our new life with acceptance and gratitude for what we do have, then please seek counselling again.
Further counselling could be requested through your doctor, (though often there is a long waiting list, even if they do have this service) or through a specialised grief counselling charity, such as Cruise Bereavement, where you pay by donation. Or you could choose to see someone private. Failing all these options, try to talk to someone you know, a friend who will listen. There is usually someone, if not, try writing out a letter to your loved one or a page in your journal of your feelings.
Some people have faith to turn to, a faith in the cosmic consciousness or a conventional religion, visiting a church or a priest may help, calling Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) or speaking (in their mind’s eye) to angels, or people they have previously lost. When and if ever, you do look for comfort , it will come to you, one way or another. I believe this because I have experienced it myself and I experience it through my clients who tell me the same thing.
One day life will open up again and you can go on in a stronger way, this time more mature, wiser and more compassionate for others going through a similar situation.
Link between Grief and Anger: Ps: Why is it necessary to grieve? Grieving is the natural process of releasing pain. If this is blocked and you refuse to experience it and look at your pain, it does not go away, it just gets covered up. Over time this could surface in emotions such as anger, impatience, addictions and depression.
Many, probably most of my clients that come to me with anger issues, have had bereavements that they realise they have not dealt with. Bereavement counselling is often incorporated within my anger counselling leading to remarkably quick results in their feelings and behaviour.Once that person has had the opportunity of talking through their grief and loss, there can be an instant release and they often feel ‘like a new person’.
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