Name: Ryan Selby
Address: Wokingham, Berkshire, RG40, GB
Telephone: +447947602473
Price range: £85.00 - £90.00

About me

You know something needs to change. You're just not sure how.

Maybe you've had the same argument with your partner for the hundredth time.

Maybe you shut down when someone gets close, then feel lonely when they back off.

Maybe the anxiety arrives before you've even worked out what you're anxious about.

It's not that you don't want to change. It's that you haven't yet understood why it keeps happening. And until you do, trying harder rarely works.

I work with adults, teenagers, and couples. Whoever you are, if you keep ending up in the same place and want to understand why, you're in the right place.

How change actually happens

I believe change happens in three steps, and skipping one is usually why it hasn't worked before.

Acknowledging it. Noticing the pattern without beating yourself up for it. Saying out loud, "this keeps happening," is often the hardest part, and it's where we start.
Finding out why. Every pattern made sense at some point. It may have protected you, got you through something, or been the only option you had. Together we'll work out what yours is doing and where it came from.
Challenging it. Once you understand it, you can start to question it. Is this still helping me? What else could I do? This is where you begin to respond differently, in small ways at first.

Do that often enough and the change stops being something you force. It becomes the new way you do things.

That's why I don't hand you a technique in week one and hope it sticks. We build the understanding first, and the change grows from there.

If this sounds like the kind of therapy you are looking for, you can book a free 15 minute call or send me an email using the button at the top of this page.

How I see therapy

Therapy is learning about yourself through conversation. The more you understand about why you do what you do, the more choice you have in different moments. The more choice you have, the more you start responding differently. And when you respond differently often enough, things actually change.

People usually come to me with anxiety, trauma, relationship difficulties, loss, low confidence, anger, or a general sense of not knowing who they are any more. What they have in common is curiosity. They'd rather understand themselves than be handed a simple coping strategy.

What sessions are actually like

There's no script. Some weeks we'll go back into what shaped you. Some weeks we'll work practically on what's happening right now. Some weeks you'll just want to think out loud about your week, and that's a legitimate use of the hour too.

I'm told I'm easy to talk to, and that seems to matter more to my clients than anything else I could put in this profile. You won't be judged, and you don't need to arrive with the right words or a clear reason for being there.

Why I do this

I had counselling myself as a child, after a loss. I wasn't sure about it. It changed things anyway. I still have my own therapy now as an adult, because reflecting on yourself isn't something you finish.

That's the whole reason I do this work. I've been on that side of the room and I know what it gives you - both as a child and an adult.

I would not do this if I did not truly believe in therapy.

The next step

If any of this sounds like you, I offer a free 15-minute phone call. No commitment, no pressure to book anything. We'll talk about what's going on and whether I'm the right person for it. If I'm not, I'll say so and point you somewhere better.

You don't need to have it figured out before you get in touch. Working it out is the point of this.

Call, email or book an introductory call using the buttons on this page. I'll reply as soon as I can, usually within two working days.

Training, qualifications & experience

Qualifications

Masters (MSc) in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP accredited course), graded Distinction
Post-Graduate Diploma in Integrative Counselling and Psychotherapy
Registered Member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP), working to their Ethical Framework
Enhanced DBS checked

Why "integrative" matters to you

Integrative training means I'm not tied to one model. In practice that means I can use CBT tools when you want something practical to take away, and draw on attachment theory and person-centred work when the pattern runs deeper than a thought. Most people need both at different points.

Experience

Sexual abuse and rape support (SARAC) - counselling adults and young people affected by sexual abuse. This is where I learned to work with trauma at the client's pace, without pushing.
A prison setting - working with people who had good reason not to trust a therapist. It taught me to build safety slowly and stay steady when someone tests whether I'll stick around.
London Borough of Hillingdon and a private psychotherapy practice in Derby - general adult work across anxiety, depression, loss and relationship difficulties.
Residential children's homes - I still work a couple days a week supporting young people and the staff who care for them, which keeps me sharp on attachment and how early experience shapes adult patterns. My main focus is on creating a therapeutic environment for each home.
My own private practice - I have been running my own practice for over 4 years now.

Across those settings I've worked with teenagers through to adults in their 60s, which is where my range comes from.

Please check my website for testimonials!

My own therapy

I've been in personal therapy as a client, both as a child and as an adult. It helped me during a very difficult time of my life when I was younger, and has continued to help me as an adult. I believe this also helps me with my work.