Why do I crave sugar? The emotional secrets behind sweet comfort

“Why can’t I stop eating sugary food?” It’s a question I hear often as a therapist, whispered with embarrassment or frustration. For some, it feels like an unshakable habit, something they are condemned to repeat. For others, it’s a source of shame, sometimes even misdiagnosed as an eating disorder.

But often, these cravings aren’t about food at all—they’re about something much deeper. They reflect patterns rooted in our nervous system and emotional lives, shaped by the relationships and experiences that have left their imprint on us. What if your craving for cake wasn’t about sugar but about a fleeting moment of comfort or connection from long ago? 

What if it’s an attempt to meet unmet needs—but in a way that leaves us feeling worse?

Let’s explore how sugar cravings are often tied to emotional regulation and unmet needs from childhood, why quick fixes like sugar don’t work long-term, and how therapy can help untangle these patterns.

The science of sugar and the brain

Sugar cravings aren’t just a matter of willpower; they’re tied to the way our brain works. When we eat sugar, our brain releases dopamine, a chemical that gives us a sense of reward and pleasure. This creates a powerful feedback loop, especially when our nervous system is dysregulated, and we’re searching for relief.

When life feels overwhelming—whether it’s due to stress, sadness, or fear—our bodies naturally seek ways to self-soothe. For some, it’s scrolling through their phones or binge-watching TV. For others, sugar becomes the answer.

But here’s the problem: while sugar provides fleeting comfort, it doesn’t address the root cause of our discomfort. Instead, it often masks deeper emotions like loneliness, anxiety, or grief. This is why sugar cravings can feel so compulsive—they’re not about hunger; they’re about avoidance.

“When I’m stressed, I don’t even think—I just grab chocolate,” a client once told me. “It feels good for a moment, but then I feel worse like I’ve failed.”

Childhood memories and emotional associations with food

Our relationship with sugar often starts in childhood, in ways we might not even realise. I’ll share a bit of my own story here: Growing up, my mum was emotionally distant. I often felt unseen and disconnected from her, except for one thing—she would give me sweets. In those moments, we were together, laughing and joking. Looking back, I can see that she, too, was dysregulated, and sugar was her way of managing her emotions. It didn’t truly work, but it felt like a connection.

Even now, I can catch myself unconsciously buying sweets when I feel low. And wow, is it potent—it’s like being transported back to that fleeting sense of care. This pattern is something I’ve seen time and again in my clients. For many, sugary foods are tied to memories of being rewarded or comforted as a child by an adult — maybe by a parent, grandparent, or teacher.

One client remembered how her gran would give her biscuits after school to cheer her up when she felt lonely. Those biscuits weren’t just snacks; they were symbols of care and attention. Decades later, she found herself eating cake whenever she felt sad, unconsciously recreating that childhood comfort.

The emotional roots of sugar cravings

Therapy often reveals that sugar cravings are less about food and more about what sugar represents. In my work with EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), I use the feeling state protocol to help clients trace their cravings back to moments of emotional need.

For instance, one client craved cake whenever she argued with someone. Through therapy, we discovered that her craving stemmed from a childhood memory of being scared during a thunderstorm. Her mother, who was usually preoccupied, brought her chocolate to calm her. Chocolate became associated with safety and care.

But here’s the tricky part: the chocolate wasn’t solving the fear—it was covering it up. Over time, her brain learned to link sweets with comfort, and as an adult, she unconsciously turned to sugary foods whenever she felt unsafe or unsettled.

Similarly, internal family systems (IFS) reveal how different “parts” of us use food to protect or soothe. A younger, vulnerable part might crave sugar to feel loved or safe, while another part might judge us harshly afterwards, creating a cycle of shame. This judgment can be punishing, leaving us feeling worthless.

Avoidance, dissociation, and the need for comfort

Sugar cravings are often a way to avoid difficult emotions. When life feels overwhelming—whether due to work stress, relationship struggles, or unresolved trauma—it’s natural to seek escape.

For many, sugary foods provide a quick, accessible form of dissociation. The act of eating becomes a way to distance ourselves from feelings we’d rather not face or never have been shown how, like sadness, loneliness, or fear. It’s often an unconscious pattern, rooted in our culture as much as personal experience.

Think about it—walk into a coffee shop, and you’re met with rows of tempting pastries before you even get to the till. Society normalises these habits, making it harder to question their emotional roots. Eat a cake - feel good! Is the message we often see.

But here’s the thing: while sugar provides temporary relief, it doesn’t resolve the underlying emotions. Instead, it keeps us stuck in a cycle of avoidance, with the same feelings resurfacing again and again. Leaving us further away from our true selves.

How therapy helps break the cycle

The good news is that these patterns aren’t permanent. Therapy offers powerful tools to address the emotional roots of sugar cravings and build healthier ways to regulate them.

1. EMDR:

EMDR helps reprocess emotional memories tied to sugar cravings, shifting how we respond to triggers. Clients often revisit childhood moments when sweets were linked to care, untangling these associations and finding healthier ways to meet their needs.

2. IFS:

IFS explores the parts of ourselves that turn to sugar for comfort. By connecting with these parts and offering them compassion, clients create safety and connection without relying on food.

3. Nervous system regulation:

Techniques like grounding, mindfulness, and breathing exercises help clients manage difficult emotions, reducing the urge to reach for sugar.

A client’s story: From cravings to clarity

One client came to me feeling out of control with her sugar cravings. We traced her compulsion back to a memory of being ignored by her parents after a bad day at school. Her aunt noticed her distress, gave her sweets and sat with her. That moment became a symbol of care, and as an adult, she sought that same comfort whenever she felt unseen.

Through therapy, she reprocessed that memory, acknowledged the loneliness she had carried for years, and found healthier ways to meet her needs. She now has a better relationship with food and no longer feels ashamed of herself or her body.

Beyond cake — Healing the emotional roots of sugar cravings

Sugar cravings aren’t a sign of weakness or failure—they’re a reflection of our body’s attempt to find comfort in an overwhelming world. By uncovering the emotional layers behind these cravings, we can begin to heal the real needs they represent: connection, safety, and care.

Therapy offers a way to heal these patterns, helping us build healthier relationships with ourselves—and with food. As we work through the layers, we discover the answer isn’t in avoiding cake but in understanding why we turn to it in the first place.

“It’s not about the sugar—it’s about what the sugar represents. And when we heal the root, the craving fades, leaving us freer to live fully.”