When anxiety takes over

Anxiety can be difficult to explain, particularly when, from the outside, everything looks fine. You might be getting on with work, seeing friends, looking after your family, and doing all the things you normally do, while your mind is constantly busy inside.

What if something goes wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? What if they’re annoyed with me? What if I can’t cope?

Sometimes there’s an obvious reason for feeling anxious. Other times, it can seem to appear out of nowhere.

One of the hardest things about anxiety is how easily our thoughts can pull us away from what is actually happening and into what might happen. Before we know it, we can be mentally dealing with situations that haven’t happened, conversations that haven’t taken place and problems we don’t actually have yet.

If that sounds familiar, there are a few simple things you can try.

Come back to what is happening right now

When your thoughts are racing ahead, try bringing your attention back to the present moment. Put both feet on the floor and notice the feeling of the ground underneath them. Look around the room and really notice where you are.

You can also try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch or feel
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste.

It sounds incredibly simple, but that is partly the point. Instead of continuing to follow anxious thoughts, you are giving your attention something real and immediate to focus on.

Another simple way to bring yourself back to the present is to look around you and work through the alphabet, naming something you can see for each letter. A might be an apple, B a book, C a chair, and so on.

Don’t worry if you get stuck or can’t reach Z. The aim isn’t to complete the alphabet perfectly. It’s simply to give your mind something neutral and concrete to concentrate on for a few minutes, rather than following the anxious thoughts wherever they want to take you. You can do this quietly almost anywhere.

Ask yourself what you actually know

Anxiety is very good at filling in the gaps. Someone hasn’t replied to a message, so perhaps they’re upset with you. You make a mistake at work, and suddenly your mind is imagining all the consequences. Something feels different physically, and your thoughts immediately jump to the worst explanation.

When this happens, pause and ask: What do I actually know to be true right now?

Not what you think might happen. Not what you fear could happen. Just what you genuinely know at this moment. Sometimes separating the facts from the fears can make things feel a little less overwhelming.

Make the moment smaller

If everything feels too much, try not to solve the whole day. Ask yourself: What do I need for the next ten minutes?

It might be making a cup of tea, stepping outside for some fresh air, taking a shower, putting your phone down, eating something, writing your thoughts down, or simply sitting quietly for a moment.

You don’t always need to have a plan for everything that comes next. Sometimes concentrating on the next small step is enough.

Notice how you’re talking to yourself

We can be incredibly hard on ourselves when we’re struggling:

• "I should be able to cope with this."
• "Why am I worrying about something so stupid?"
• "Everyone else seems to manage."

If you notice yourself doing this, try asking how you would respond if someone you cared about told you they were feeling exactly the same way.

Chances are, you wouldn’t tell them they were ridiculous or that they needed to pull themselves together. You’d probably be much kinder. You deserve some of that kindness too.

You don't have to 'fix' anxiety immediately

Sometimes the pressure to stop feeling anxious can become another thing to worry about. Instead, acknowledge what is happening: I’m feeling anxious right now. I don’t like it, but I can take things one step at a time. Take a breath. Take a pause. Bring yourself back to today, or even just to the next few minutes. You don't need to work everything out right now. 

If anxiety is affecting your everyday life, talking to a counsellor when you're ready can help you better understand your thoughts and feelings, and explore ways to manage them. You don't have to navigate it alone.