What's the difference - life coaching or counselling?

As a qualified counsellor and CBT coach, I am often asked what is the difference between having therapy and seeing a life coach and which one is more effective. Life coaching tends to be centred around performance and concrete goals that are associated with success and advancement. Counselling often focuses on the past, particularly childhood, to work out what happened to us that is causing distress or anxiety as adults.

The two seem very far apart with one looking back and the other focusing ahead. It raises questions such as, 'If I do counselling, how does healing from my difficult childhood experiences actually help me forge a path forward to happiness?' 'If I do coaching, then how does focusing on achievement help me cope with current situations I am finding triggering?' Isn't there a way where both objectives can be met? No wonder it is confusing to know whether therapy or coaching might be the right choice for you. 

Why healing the past is sometimes not enough

Firstly, counselling is an incredibly effective, compassionate and often essential process that helps to heal many sorts of issues and pain. As a trained counsellor I know, and have seen first-hand, how transformative it can be and am certainly not here to suggest it is lacking or inferior in any way. However, a fair number of the people I meet have historical issues and know they need help to process those, but, they are also seeking clarity on their future path and wanting support in choosing the direction that best suits them.

They might not know what their goals are but know they just want things to be different, to find a more purposeful and contented way to live where the stresses of daily life don't hurt so much. They want more than to heal, they also want to develop and grow and sense they need some extra assistance with this.

Can I have therapy and coaching together?

Yes - and it is a thing! Therapeutic coaching combines the directional skills from CBT coaching with the sensitive, talk-therapy approach of counselling. This means you are in a safe pair of hands when past difficulties come up and the impact of previous traumatic memories are explored. It also means you have support to find a meaningful direction and can feel confident in knowing you're heading towards what you truly want for yourself.

It is not about raking over all the previous problems you have experienced; it is about unblocking those that are now holding back your forward momentum. Things I often explore with my clients include:

• Why you are feeling anxious, depressed or that you are worthless and how is this getting in the way of making changes?
• What strengths do you have that you can draw upon and build on that could form a kind of scaffolding around your difficulties?
• Which behaviours ensure you get the things you value most in the world?

We might also visualise possible scenarios to understand what outcomes will make your heart sing loudest! Coaching helps increase your resilience and your confidence whilst counselling increases your understanding and awareness of how you respond to certain situations. I like to compare it to taking a long hike with both a map (therapy - to see where you are now and where you need to get to) and a compass (coaching - to know you're headed in the right direction even if you go off the map into unchartered territory).

How does therapeutic coaching actually help?

What does this actually mean in practice? Focusing on your strengths is a large part and it helps you to feel grounded and sure of your actions - consider it your armor against those situations that sometimes pull you back into the past.

For instance, at any point, you can draw upon the knowledge that you are (insert strength here!) and use that to help navigate your discomfort. Imagine a social situation where you might feel anxious but by holding onto the fact that you are kind/brave/curious/excitable, it can help you 'play to your strengths' and worry less. With a mindset that focuses on what you are good at rather than what is broken or problematic, your self-esteem will begin to blossom and your self-worth will increase.

Do I have to set goals?

You might be thinking, 'All that sounds helpful to deal with anxiety, depression or fear but what if I'm unsure about the future? What if I don't want to make massive changes to my situation or I don't have any specific goals? What if I don't know what I want?' Wel,l therapeutic coaching also helps with working out what the right direction is for you to feel happy again.

How values-based decision making works

A large part of therapeutic coaching is to bring your values into the forefront of your thinking, actions and decisions. If you are unsure what your values are, a very simple five-minute exercise to whittle down the top 5-10 that matter to you, is all you need.

Think of these as the pillars that form the fencing on either side of your future path. So long as you stay within the pillars and refer back to your values at each point along the road, you are living according to what is most important to you at your core (i.e. your values). This way, when you match your actions to your values, you are well on the way towards fulfilment and purpose. You are deliberately including behaviour and choices that incorporate some, or all, of your personal standards.

You are also not doing those things that take you away from your values, or even go against them. As an example, if one of your top five values is justice, this will guide you with a difficult work situation to find the courage to speak out against something you deem to be unjust. If helping others is valuable, then taking on an independent role away from clients or your team will never satisfy (no matter what the wage packet!) Knowing and referring back to your values really can help navigate your way to future happiness.

Adult ADHD and therapeutic coaching

ADHD explains how your adult brain processes information in a different way. It is not an illness or something that needs to be got rid of. Therapy coaching is perfect if you want help learning how to live better with social anxiety, impulsivity, difficulty focusing or over-focusing, poor time management or being highly sensitive to rejection.

Therapy can help you explore what it was like to grow up feeling different and any negative effects. On the other hand, it also helps you play to your strengths and use those ADHD superpowers which include (just to name a few) your creativity, compassion, intuition, imagination and problem-solving to build meaningful connections and thrive in your chosen path. Imagine how it would feel to change your mindset from having attention deficit and hyperactivity to being highly focused and passionate?

When is therapeutic coaching not helpful?

I would say if you are working with a trained professional they will be adept at offering therapy when you need it most and coaching to make progress more attainable. Unless your coach is specifically trauma-informed it may be sensible not to seek this kind of help if you are suffering with PTSD symptoms or any specific clinical disorders causing you distress.