What is existential counselling and who needs it?

There are so many different types of counselling that it can be quite confusing. One that seems to be particularly confusing, possibly because it's less talked about, is existential counselling. I’m an existential counsellor, and I’m going to briefly share here what it’s about and how I believe it can help a great many people.

Understanding existential counselling

Firstly, all good therapy should contain an element of existential counselling, because at its most basic, it means helping people find their place in the world. It’s about making sense of who you are and helping you come to terms with how difficult life can be.

Existential counselling is person-centred and realistic; you won’t be asked to say or do anything that doesn’t make sense to you. Existentialism suggests that life gives us anxiety and can cause us to doubt ourselves. Existential counsellors meet you as an equal and help you to navigate a way to feeling safer and happier. 

The philosophy behind existential counselling

Existential counselling is based on existential philosophy, which looks at existence, individual freedom and responsibility. Existential counsellors believe that, with support, individuals can begin to take responsibility for their choices and to find meaning and purpose in their lives.

Through therapy, clients can become more confident as they learn more about themselves as individuals and as part of society. This, in turn, can lead to being more motivated and to embracing life. The relationship with the counsellor is, therefore, the beginning of making positive changes that will hopefully last the rest of the client’s life.

How existential counselling helps with anxiety

Existential counsellors believe that we struggle with the world, and this gives us anxiety. Rather than seeing anxiety as a sign of weakness, we work with the client to see that anxiety is part of being human and help them see it as a positive thing. Accepting anxiety rather than fighting it helps a person to explore who they are and what they want. This seems a little strange at first, but it’s a really great way of accepting yourself and overcoming a fear of anxiety.

Who will benefit from existential counselling?

Existential counselling can benefit anyone who struggles with issues like anxiety,  identity, responsibility, loss or fear of death. If you’ve ever woken up and wondered, “What’s the point?” or asked yourself, “Who am I?” then existential counselling could help. It’s for people who feel they aren’t living an authentic life, or who want to reconnect with their true selves. In fact, most people could benefit from this form of counselling.

Addressing criticisms of existential therapy

Some criticisms of existential therapy stem from the belief that its ideas are vague or impractical. If you want your problems neatly labelled and a solution given, then existential therapy is not for you. Instead, you work with the counsellor to learn to understand yourself better and how you can see life from a more positive but realistic perspective.

Some people believe that this form of therapy isn’t ‘scientific enough’. However, many others think that focusing solely on scientific methods is too simplistic when dealing with deep questions such as “What’s the point of anything?” or “Who am I?”

There is also a fear that only intellectual people can benefit from existential therapy, possibly because the word itself sounds like something academic, and of course, its link with philosophy. However, I believe we are all philosophers; we all think about life and who we are. In times of crisis or after a long period of illness or sadness, we need to somehow make sense of what has happened and what is happening right now.

The role of the existential therapist

An existential therapist will gently ask questions and help you to reflect. They won’t try to ‘shut you up’ or tell you that you are wrong, but they may give appropriate challenges.

What they say may well resonate with you at once, or it may possibly give you a completely different perspective on what you have seen as a problem. Very often, clients have said to me, “I’ve never thought about it like that before.” That isn’t in response to me telling them what to do, but simply rephrasing their words in a way that gives meaning to the way they feel.

It can be a very liberating moment: to realise you aren’t wrong and aren’t weak but struggling, at the moment, to make sense of yourself and life. And, I’ve been told, it's amazingly comforting as well as liberating for your therapist to think your ideas are both unique and symptomatic of being in your particular society at this particular time.

What to expect in existential counselling

As with some other types of therapy, each existential therapist works uniquely with each client, so I can’t say specifically what to expect. Some work creatively, and some use metaphors, for example. Expect plenty of questions, but don’t expect to be told you have to know the answers.

According to Emmy van Deurzen, existential counselling is about actively managing our progression through life: “Progress is awareness of one’s ability to shape the givens of the past into an acceptable present, thus creating new prospects for the future.” (Existential Counselling in Practice, Emmy van Deurzen, Sage, 1997)

Existential counsellors believe that we are all able to reflect on who we are and how we are. We consider that change is not only inevitable, but also good for us – it doesn’t always feel like that way, but this eventually makes sense. We are all individuals, but we can only make sense of who we are through our relationships with others. And of course, anxiety is part of being human and can be used positively.

Existential counselling can be puzzling, but generally it is energising and liberating. I am genuinely excited watching clients reach a better understanding of themselves and of life. And importantly, to be prepared to deal better with whatever comes next.