What even is sex or porn addiction?

Sexual compulsivity or sex/porn addiction is when a person is unable to stop or prevent the compulsion to engage in a sexual behaviour that feels out of their control, even when they want to stop, or have tried to stop.

Often, individuals start to question themselves because problems are starting to occur in their lives, and the consequences of use are becoming more apparent. Sex or porn addiction can cause depression, anxiety, low motivation, erectile dysfunction, isolation, loneliness, relationship issues, mood swings and poor sleep, just to name a few. 

It can cause self-esteem issues, feelings of guilt or shame, and you may be crossing personal boundaries, or you feel your moral compass is being compromised. 

Your relationships may be struggling, or your partner has discovered some evidence that you have stepped out of the relationship, and you cannot explain or understand why you have done this. 

You may be spending large amounts of money, having financial issues which are now causing you concerns. Your work may be affected, concentration, motivation and depression in everyday activities such as work, can be devastating. 

Let us be clear, our 'relationship' with sex or porn is the issue at hand, not our libido or our desires, which are a natural part of our lives. Working with a professional trained specifically in this area will help you to find the answers you seek. 

Recovery from sex/porn use is possible. 

The question is, why can't I stop? Therapy will look to find out why and then support your needs required to regain a healthier relationship with your sexual behaviour.

The reasons for your use, which is getting out of control, are something to be explored within therapy sessions. No one person is exactly the same; their reasons why will vary, however, there are similarities that tend to run through this type of compulsive behaviour that therapy will be able to identify. 

Today's use of smartphones has changed the sexual compulsivity issue altogether, and we are now seeing an increase in porn use. We call this 'opportunity' induced addiction, opposed to 'trauma' induced, or 'attachment' induced. Smartphones and the 'instant' dopamine hit are very different from porn use previously accessed through magazines, TV or video. It seems impossible to access the internet today or social media platforms without seeing pornographic imagery, even if the user has not been looking for this type of content. 

ADHD and other neurodivergences are also linked to compulsive behaviours such as porn use. The cause of impulsivity does not always mean, 'I am addicted'; it just means there may be another reason for the behaviour that is difficult to control or stop. 

Whatever the reason, asking for help in a confidential, professional and private setting, with the right therapist, can enable you to lead a healthier and happier sex life and healthier relationships for you. 

Seeking therapy for sexual behaviour can evoke feelings of shame or embarrassment, and those of us who work in this specific area wish to assure you that breaking this stigma is part of the therapeutic process. We are here to help, not judge.