What does it mean to be seen?

'What does it mean to be seen?' Have you ever asked yourself this question?

To be seen by yourself. To be seen by others.

We often hide parts of ourselves; the vulnerable, messy, shamed, awkward parts, not because they lack value, but because we don’t want to share them.

Sometimes we want to be seen but can’t find the right words. Or perhaps we don’t feel safe enough to try. Jung called this conflict the battle between the persona and the shadow, the mask we show the world versus the truths we keep hidden, even from ourselves.

How do you know the person in front of you is truly seeing you, not just your persona, but the wholeness of your being? What does it mean to have a conversation and feel heard? Do you need silence? Reflection? Paraphrasing? Advice? Is it eye contact, or gentle space between the words? Do you feel seen by a stranger, or only by someone who’s known you for years?

These are not surface-level questions. As James Hollis suggests, they are invitations to deepen our awareness of our inner life. They ask us to take responsibility for understanding what we need, not what others assume we need. They challenge us to reflect: What makes me feel acknowledged? What allows me to feel safe enough to be authentic?

So, how do we work this out in the now? How do we express our needs, or tell someone when we feel unseen, when we sense they’re viewing us through the foggy lens of projection, interpreting us through their own story, fears, or defences? As Jung would say, we are all prone to projection. But we also have the capacity to become conscious of it, to withdraw those projections, and choose to meet the other as they are.

What happens inside you when you notice a tension in conversation, a glance away, a pause, a sigh? Do you immediately change the subject, move away from the discomfort? Sometimes that tiny moment of disconnection taps into something older, the original wound of not being seen. In that instant, your nervous system goes into hiding, and you start protecting rather than revealing. You remove yourself, you look away.

Irvin Yalom speaks of the here-and-now encounter in therapy, the sacred moment when two people become truly present with one another. He reminds us that it’s not technique, but authenticity and presence that allow transformation to unfold. I wonder: Do you give the people you love your full presence? Do you offer strong eye contact or space between the words? Do you jump to solutions, or allow a pause?

Have you ever asked someone, “Do you feel seen by me?”

These questions aren’t about self-criticism. They are openings. Opportunities to explore how we show up for ourselves and each other. To notice who we become when we are fully seen, and who we become when we choose to hide, to protect.

Being seen is not about being watched. It’s about being known, not just by others, but first and foremost, by yourself.

Therapy can offer you a space to be deeply seen, sometimes for the first time. It’s not about being judged or fixed, but about being met with presence and curiosity. In that kind of environment, the protective layers you’ve built, your masks, defences, and silences can begin to soften. You may start to notice which parts of yourself you hide and why, and begin to explore what it might mean to show up more fully.

This process often brings up deeper questions: What are you getting out of not being seen? Is there a sense of safety in staying invisible? Is it protecting you from rejection, or helping you avoid facing parts of yourself you’re not ready to acknowledge?

You might begin to explore the early experiences that shaped your sense of visibility, the patterns in your relationships today, or the ways you’ve internalised what others projected onto you. You may also find yourself practising, in real time, what it feels like to be seen and accepted first by another person, and eventually, by yourself.

If you want to deepen this reflection on your own, here are a few journaling prompts to explore:

• When do I feel most seen, and by whom?
• What do I fear would happen if I allowed myself to be fully visible?
• What might I be avoiding by remaining unseen?
• Are there parts of me I’ve hidden even from myself?
• How do I respond when someone truly sees me? Do I open up, or retreat?

Being seen isn’t always comfortable. But through honest inquiry, whether in therapy or in quiet moments of reflection, you can begin to reclaim the parts of yourself you’ve hidden. And in doing so, you create space for more honest, fulfilling relationships with others and with yourself.