What could counselling mean for you?

When someone asks me the question “What is counselling?” I’m not always sure how to describe it. I can talk through the practical aspects, therapeutic boundaries, limitations, or modalities, and theories within those modalities. Even though I have studied specific ways of working, I work with each person slightly differently, and because the work can be so nuanced, it’s quite tricky to describe the process or the feeling that is counselling.

So, I’ve reflected on my past therapeutic relationships and below I have written out different descriptions of what counselling has felt like from those experiences: 

• Counselling is an encounter between two people: The counsellor and the client. The setting is curated by the counsellor to be safe, quiet, comfortable, and calm. The session has the physical boundary of the walls containing the room, the time set by the counsellor and agreed on by the client, and the day of the week the session takes place.
• Counselling is a space for the client to bring their whole selves to, for the counsellor to meet them where they are emotionally and together traverse through the feelings. 
• Counselling is the therapeutic relationship that develops. This relationship can echo that of the client’s relationships with others. The emotions, thoughts, and behavioural patterns that arise in the sessions can then be explored in the safe space provided. Understanding of self is gained as sessions progress.  
• Perfection is not the goal of counselling, nor is happiness. Happiness, like all other emotions, is just one aspect of a spectrum of feelings that we experience. The ending of counselling tends to occur when the client feels acceptance of themselves, their whole being, their spectrum of feelings, and the experiences they’ve had so far.  
• Like life, counselling isn’t linear, nor does it provide clear answers. Counselling is working within the grey areas. Counsellors don’t work with facts, we work with feelings, contradictory thoughts, metaphors, the past, present, and future spoken out of order and explored with gentle curiosity.  
• Counselling allows space for mess, for you to be ‘wrong’ or to say something and then change your mind. Counselling allows space for you to be you, unapologetically.  
• Counselling is telling your story and having it be heard. It’s your trauma being believed. It’s allowing what has happened to you to be held in a safe, caring space, ready to be explored and processed at a pace that works for you.
• Counselling is a container for your mental world, a place to be seen and heard. A place to unpack your mind and leave things where they lie at the end of the session, knowing they’ll be there for you when you come back the following week.  
• Counselling is empathy, and through the experience of feeling kindness, it is learning to have compassion for yourself. Recognising the value within you as a person and acknowledging the human imperfections.
• Counselling can feel challenging; it can bring up things that feel uncomfortable. If you’re with a counsellor you trust, working within the discomfort can be where a lot of the change happens.  
• Counselling is existential, taking a plunge into the worries of the unknown, uncertain, and uncontrollable. Building tolerance to feelings that overwhelm, bringing stability and a sense of hope into the present.  
• Counselling is a weekly mute to the outside noise. The space is quiet and peaceful. A time to rewind and replay the week, to look ahead and feel more able to manage after each session.  
• Counselling is working with you, as you are; quiet, angry, fidgety, sad, tired, scared, happy, excited. Whatever you bring that day will be what we explore together, no directing or judgement, no 'shoulds' or 'musts'.
• Counselling is having someone share in your grief, despair, distress, trauma, or pain for as long as you need. Counselling is patience and compassion for you and the feelings you’re still trying to understand and process.  
• Counselling doesn’t have all the answers and can’t offer you advice, but it believes in your ability to make choices for yourself. Counselling is belief, trust, and empowerment.
• A counsellor is not the expert of your feelings or your life, you are. A counsellor is the guide helping to get you back to yourself. It’s not always a straightforward process; long-lasting change takes time, and the journey doesn’t always take you down the path you expected to follow.  

I hope that the descriptions I use above help you to see how varying the process and meaning of counselling can be. So, when asking the question “What is counselling?” I also encourage you to consider, “What would I like it to be?”

Thinking about this might be useful for you if you’re looking for a counsellor and have an introductory call booked in, as it will help you find out if what you’re looking for aligns with how that counsellor practices.