Using therapy to overcome self-criticism and build compassion

Many people struggle with a constant, harsh inner critic - a voice that insists we’re not good enough, not achieving enough, or somehow falling short. This inner critic often becomes deeply ingrained, draining self-confidence, fuelling anxiety, and impacting how we interact with the world. Therapy offers effective ways to challenge and transform this critical voice, helping you replace it with self-compassion. This shift can lead to greater self-acceptance and a more balanced inner life.

Understanding the impact of self-criticism

Self-criticism often takes root early in life, influenced by family dynamics, societal pressures, or high expectations. Over time, this critical inner voice becomes internalised, creating a cycle of self-doubt and harsh judgement that can hold you back from pursuing goals, connecting authentically with others, or feeling at peace with who you are.

The cost of ongoing self-criticism is significant. It can lead to heightened stress, anxiety, and even depression, and it often impacts relationships by making you overly sensitive to perceived failures or flaws. Ultimately, this inner narrative undermines your ability to live confidently and authentically.

The role of self-compassion in personal growth

Building self-compassion isn’t about overlooking flaws or ignoring areas for growth. It’s about meeting those areas with understanding and creating a foundation for meaningful change. Self-compassion helps us approach challenges and setbacks with resilience, without letting self-criticism take over. It has been shown to reduce stress, improve emotional resilience, and support overall well-being.

In therapy, cultivating self-compassion creates a supportive internal environment where clients can grow. Self-compassion allows for honest self-reflection without fear or shame, making it easier to take healthy risks, build relationships, and pursue personal goals. This balanced inner voice fosters courage, encouraging people to live fully and authentically.

4 types of therapy that can help

For those struggling with self-criticism, several types of therapy offer powerful tools and structured approaches to help quiet the inner critic and nurture self-compassion. Here are four effective therapy types:

1. Reframing self-beliefs with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

One way to challenge self-criticism is through cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT, which helps people examine and reframe negative self-beliefs. Many of us experience critical thoughts that we accept as 'truths', even when they’re not accurate. For example, you might find yourself thinking, “I never get things right,” or “I’m always falling short.” These generalisations can hold you back from recognising your actual accomplishments and strengths.

CBT offers a structured approach to identifying these unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with balanced, realistic perspectives. In therapy, we can gently challenge these beliefs and examine the evidence for and against them. Through this process, people often discover that their self-critical thoughts are neither accurate nor helpful. This shift allows for more constructive self-reflection, opening up space for self-compassion to take root.

2. Embracing self-compassion with acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT)

Acceptance and commitment therapy, or ACT, offers a compassionate approach to self-criticism by encouraging acceptance rather than resistance to negative thoughts. Instead of struggling against self-critical thoughts or trying to silence them, ACT helps people observe these thoughts with curiosity and understanding, creating a sense of distance.

By learning mindfulness practices, ACT can help you 'make space' for self-critical voices without becoming overwhelmed by them. This shift allows for a compassionate inner response, where you can acknowledge the self-critical thought without letting it define your self-worth. Through ACT, many people develop a more flexible relationship with their thoughts, leading to a kinder, more accepting way of being.

3. Fostering self-compassion in person-centred therapy (PCT)

Person-centred therapy, or PCT, is rooted in empathy, acceptance, and genuine regard, creating a therapeutic space where people feel safe to be themselves. By offering unconditional positive regard, PCT helps clients see themselves through a more accepting, non-judgemental lens. The warmth of the therapeutic relationship in PCT mirrors the kind of inner relationship you can build within yourself.

As you experience this unconditional support, you start to internalise this compassion and carry it forward. Over time, PCT can help reduce the power of the inner critic by nurturing a self-view based on acceptance and compassion. This self-compassion allows you to approach challenges with patience, giving you the courage to take risks and grow.

4. Working with parts of the self in internal family systems (IFS)

Internal family systems, or IFS, therapy is another powerful approach to addressing self-criticism. In IFS, we explore the different 'parts' of the self, including the inner critic. This approach helps people understand that the inner critic is just one “part” of the whole self.

By viewing the inner critic as a part, you can start to approach it with curiosity and compassion, understanding that it often stems from a desire to protect against failure or rejection. IFS allows you to interact with your inner critic in a compassionate, non-defensive way, gradually integrating this part and fostering a sense of inner harmony. This approach supports self-compassion by helping you see yourself as a whole, complex person, rather than defining yourself by your inner critic.

For those struggling with self-criticism, therapy offers a transformative path to building self-compassion. Whether through CBT, ACT, PCT, or IFS, therapy provides a structured and supportive way to understand and quiet the inner critic, making space for a kinder, more compassionate self-view.

This journey isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Developing self-compassion is a gradual process, but it’s one that can lead to lasting change, helping you replace self-criticism with an inner voice of patience and kindness. Therapy can be the first step on this path, offering tools to live with greater confidence and self-acceptance.