The critical inner voice - and what we can do about it

Generally, everyone has an inner voice that tracks our successes and failures - what we are good at, and what we struggle with - letting us know their verdict about almost everything.

This inner voice is also known as the 'inner critic' and it can appear in the form of a judge or jury - or it is also known at the 'shitty committee' because of the way it makes us feel as each voice takes turns in heckling us.

The inner voice can be panic-ridden and humiliating, calling us disgusting names that we would never call anyone else. It tells us why we will never be any good because we are idiots and never get anything right. The inner critic can become so negative that it will never let us forgive ourselves or have self-compassion when things are going wrong. 

Where does the critical voice come from?

The inner critic generally starts with our childhood by experiencing harsh parents, caregivers, or teachers or even a school bully who has repeated their negative messages so they become lodged in our way of thinking.

The harsh voice can determine the way we think about ourselves. Continued negative thoughts impact our self-esteem, causing anxiety and making us miserable and sad as we continually remind ourselves that we will never be good enough.

To deal with the critical voice, many people may start drinking alcohol, take substances, overeat, spend excessive time on social media, or even exercise excessively to feel better, which in turn impacts other relationships. Unfortunately, these strategies also have their problems, which may exacerbate the situation rather than help.

Of course, not all inner voices are critical, and some can lend us a hand by being appreciative of what we are trying to achieve, encouraging us to get over that final hurdle, or have that final push to achieve the goal we have been working so hard towards, thus giving us a better view of ourselves. When we are upset, the nurturing voice will encourage us to calm down or let us know that all is not lost, and we do not have to be perfect, as mistakes are inevitable and part of everyday life and will help us problem solve. 

How can counselling help?

Counselling can also help us develop a more nurturing voice and understand the origins of a negative voice to begin to alleviate the negative impact it has been having on us. We can learn how the inner critic has shaped our overall thinking and how we may perceive the world, and how this affects our emotions.

Through counselling, we can start to reframe our thoughts so that, over time, we can start to develop compassion or self-love, giving us a more balanced way of judging ourselves.

For example, failure is part of life, and we can start to see it as an opportunity to learn and embrace challenges while learning not to judge ourselves, the same way as we would communicate with a friend. With a professional counsellor, we can develop techniques to manage the inner voice so we stop judging ourselves negatively, but also learn to judge ourselves in a more compassionate, nurturing way, to overcome problems, and to get over those final hurdles of a project we are working on.