The art of imperfection: How to turn our flaws into strengths

In a digitally enhanced, social media-obsessed world that increasingly glorifies perfection and shuns imperfection, embracing our flaws can seem counterintuitive. Yet, it is precisely through accepting our imperfections that we find true beauty and personal growth. As a psychotherapist and creativity counsellor, I have discovered that the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi encapsulates this concept. By merging Kintsugi with gestalt therapy we can not only accept but leverage imperfection to bring out the wholeness and beauty of our previously fragmented and broken lives. 

Understanding Kintsugi

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver lacquer, turning the cracks and flaws into something more beautiful than the original. The philosophy behind Kintsugi is simple yet profound: rather than hiding our brokenness, we should celebrate it as part of our unique story. This ancient practice teaches us to see the beauty in our scars and to understand that our experiences, both good and bad, contribute to our wholeness.

The paradoxical theory of change in gestalt therapy

Gestalt therapy, developed by Fritz Perls, is a holistic mind and body psychotherapy that proposes that one way healing and psychological growth occur is through leveraging our flaws and limitations in a process known as the paradoxical theory of change. 

The paradoxical theory of change was formulated by Arnold Beisser, a successful tennis pro who was paralysed from the neck down by polio at 25. As a paraplegic, he realised that if he wanted to continue to live a fulfilled life, he needed to develop a radically new way of thinking about himself and this is when he discovered that true psychological change occurs not by trying to be something we are not, but by fully accepting what we are. Only by acknowledging our current state of being without judgment, however painful, do we create suitable conditions for transformation. For Beisser, this awareness helped him overcome the disability of paralysis to become a professor of psychiatry at The University of California and a key figure in the development of gestalt therapy.

In my clinical practice, I have seen countless clients struggle with the concept of self-acceptance. They often believe that change requires rejecting their current selves. However, gestalt therapy teaches us that embracing our present state, however flawed or imperfect, is the first step toward meaningful change. 

The liminal space: Embracing the In-between

In gestalt therapy, the concept of liminal space is crucial. This is the threshold between what was and what will be – a space of uncertainty and potential. It is in this liminal space that true transformation occurs. By leaning into this fertile void between the end of one state or experience and the beginning of a new one and embracing the discomfort it brings, we open ourselves to new possibilities and growth.

Kintsugi, with its focus on transforming brokenness into beauty, perfectly illustrates this concept. When we are in the liminal space, we are like broken pottery waiting to be mended. By accepting and honouring our imperfections, we can emerge from this space not only repaired but stronger and more beautiful than before. This is how Arnold Beisser viewed his life after he lost the use of both his arms and legs and relied on an iron lung to survive. 

A client's journey: From procrastination to action

Kiera, a bright and articulate 27-year-old client of mine, was taught from a young age that she had to be perfect to be a success. But despite her confident and well-presented exterior, she felt deeply unfulfilled and dissatisfied with her life. Financially supported by her boyfriend, Kiera had never held a job down and struggled with completing simple daily tasks, such as getting out of bed and grocery shopping. She wanted a career but never completed her CV or applied for vacancies. She habitually procrastinated and described herself as constantly frozen in the headlights.

In one of our sessions, Kiera expressed that she felt she had no agency over her destiny. She explained that since she was a child her parents had always set her goals and controlled how she set about pursuing them so that even when she achieved them, she derived no satisfaction. Now as an adult, the idea of a job let alone a career was a high peak she felt incapable of climbing, despite her best intentions. Deep down she considered herself too anxious and indecisive to be employable so why bother trying? So she procrastinated as a way to avoid being rejected. 

To help Kiera embrace her imperfections and drawing inspiration from Arnold Beisser, I suggested a paradoxical experiment. I invited her to intentionally make no progress in finding a job for a week and to fully accept herself for what she was - a procrastinator.

When she returned the following week, Kiera shared a remarkable transformation. By accepting herself as flawed and imperfect, she felt lighter and more capable. She chose to work on her portfolio on a night out at a friend’s house and applied for two jobs that interested her. She even found herself getting up at 9 a.m. every morning to look for other vacancies.

This experiment illustrated the paradoxical theory of change: by accepting her current state, Kiera created the space for true transformation. Her journey from striving for perfection to embracing her authenticity allowed her to recognise and celebrate her imperfections. This removal of expectation to perform freed her up to give job hunting a go with no pressure to succeed. Before long she landed a job she applied for which she has kept now for over two years.

Overcoming perfectionism with vulnerability 

Self-acceptance is at the heart of both Kintsugi and Gestalt therapy. By embracing our imperfections, we can begin to heal and grow. In my practice, I have seen how recognising and accepting one's flaws can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth. This process often involves owning disowned and disassociated parts of ourselves we find shameful and integrating them into our whole being.

Healing through vulnerability is another crucial aspect of this journey. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we open up to deeper connections with others and ourselves and lay the ground for healing. This vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a pathway to strength and resilience and gestalt therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space to practice being vulnerable.

Practical applications for life

Incorporating the principles of Kintsugi and gestalt therapy into our daily lives can be transformative. Here are some practical steps to help you embrace imperfection and foster personal growth:

• Practice self-acceptance: Start by acknowledging your imperfections without judgment. Recognise they are part of your unique story and contribute to your wholeness.
• Embrace the liminal space: Lean into the uncertainty and discomfort of change. Trust that this space is where transformation and growth occur.
• Owning disowned parts: Work on integrating parts of yourself that you have disowned or disassociated from. This can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
• Practice mindfulness and presence: Focus on being present in the moment. Mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, allowing you to accept and work through them.
• Build emotional resilience: Use the principles of Kintsugi and gestalt therapy to build emotional resilience. This involves acknowledging and honoring your emotions, rather than suppressing them. You will then have the solid grounding you need to move on. 

Achieving self-actualisation

The ultimate goal of embracing imperfection is to achieve self-actualisation. This concept, introduced by Abraham Maslow, refers to the realisation of one's full potential. Self-actualised individuals live authentically, embrace their imperfections, and strive for continuous growth.

In my practice, I have seen how clients who embrace their imperfections move toward self-actualisation. They become more resilient, less self-critical, and more fulfilled. By integrating the principles of Kintsugi and gestalt therapy, you too can embark on this journey toward self-actualisation.

The power of being imperfect

The art of imperfection lies in its ability to transform us. By embracing our flaws and seeing them as integral parts of our unique story, we can achieve personal growth and fulfilment. Kintsugi teaches us to celebrate rather than disown our scars, while Gestalt Therapy provides the tools for self-acceptance and transformation.

As a gestalt therapist, I invite you to embrace the art of imperfection. Let your scars be redrawn with gold, and allow your imperfections to guide you toward a more authentic and fulfilling life. Through this journey, you will discover the true beauty of being a flawed, imperfect human being.

In the end, it is our imperfections that make us whole. Embrace them, celebrate them, and let them illuminate your path to success.