Striving for balance is like looking for a unicorn

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve no doubt heard the phrase “finding balance.” It’s often used in terms of work-life balance, conjuring the idea that once we achieve this elusive state, life will be easy, happy, calm, and healthy. But have you ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed, caught in a seemingly endless busy period?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve no doubt heard the phrase “finding balance.” It’s often used in terms of work-life balance, conjuring the idea that once we achieve this elusive state, life will be easy, happy, calm, and healthy. But have you ever found yourself feeling overwhelmed, caught in a seemingly endless busy period?

Maybe it feels like you’re constantly juggling life’s demands, and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t find a happy balance. Perhaps you’ve looked at friends or people on social media and wondered, how on earth do they manage to get it right? The struggle to maintain your physical health, nurture your social life, progress at work, and still be an available parent or partner—while also staying sane and hydrated—can feel utterly exhausting. The list of demands is endless, and when you inevitably falter, you might start to wonder: Am I the problem?

This is a place I’ve found myself in countless times: frantically spinning all the plates, desperate to keep them perfectly balanced, only to feel utterly drained and inadequate. Here’s a secret that changed everything for me, and I hope it can free you too.

Balance is a myth

It’s literally impossible, and even more than that, it’s completely misunderstood. When we think of balance, we imagine a perfectly stable equilibrium where all aspects of life are equal. But life doesn’t work that way. By its very nature, life is unpredictable and in constant flux. We change every day, as do our circumstances, needs, and priorities. Doing life “right” isn’t about achieving perfect balance; it’s about learning to pivot and adjust without guilt. What works today might not work tomorrow—and accepting this truth is vital for protecting our mental well-being.

I know that’s easier said than done, so let me give you an example. Imagine everything is running smoothly: work is great, you’ve nailed a solid self-care routine, you’re exercising three times a week, eating well, and getting to bed on time. You’ve carved out time to socialise and pursue hobbies, your home is tidy, and your kids are thriving. Absolute perfection. Then, out of the blue, you’re handed a massive work project—a golden opportunity to shine. You take it on with enthusiasm, willing to put in the extra hours. At first, it’s manageable. But before long, the late nights pile up, and keeping up with everything outside of work becomes a struggle. Plates start to drop. You miss a workout here, skip a family dinner there, and suddenly your once-flawless routine feels like a distant memory.

That’s when the guilt creeps in. You berate yourself for not being organised enough, disciplined enough, or capable enough. So you double down, setting rigid new targets to “get back on track.” But here’s the thing: it’s not possible to give 100% to every area of your life all the time. We have finite energy and capacity. When one area of life demands more, it’s natural—necessary, even—for another area to receive less.

Learning to distribute your energy with compassion

The key to maintaining good mental and physical health isn’t about achieving perfect balance. It’s about learning to distribute your energy and capacity effectively, and—most importantly—with compassion. When one part of your life requires more focus, another part will need to take a backseat, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re failing; it means you’re human.

So how do we navigate this?

Identifying your non-negotiables

Start by identifying your non-negotiables for good health—your “bare minimum” practices that keep you afloat. These should have a flexible range: a “floor” for when you’re stretched thin, and a “ceiling” for when you have more capacity. For example, maybe you know eating well helps you stay energised. On busy weeks, your “floor” might be choosing pre-prepared healthy meals or delegating cooking to a family member. On easier weeks, your “ceiling” could be cooking from scratch and meal-prepping. Similarly, if movement boosts your mood, your floor could be a 10-minute walk at lunch, while your ceiling might be three gym sessions a week, a steam and sauna!

How therapy can help

This is also where therapy can help in profound ways. A skilled therapist can guide you in letting go of the negative beliefs that hold you to unattainably high standards. Therapy can relieve you of the idea that slowing down or letting go is a mark of failure. It can also help you see that comparing your life—full of struggles and mishaps—to someone else’s highlight reel is neither accurate nor fair. By uncovering and challenging these limiting beliefs, you can cultivate a more compassionate, flexible mindset that prioritises what truly matters to you.

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s sustainability. By giving yourself permission to put a few plates down, you’ll find that life becomes less about spinning and more about savouring. You’ll begin to see that what you really need isn’t balance, but the freedom to not do everything all at once. Embracing this mindset will gift you space, resilience, and a kinder relationship with yourself. And that’s far more powerful than chasing a mythical unicorn.