Ready, set, secondary school

Starting secondary school is a major milestone for children and parents alike. It’s an exciting time, but it can also bring a mix of nerves, challenges, and new experiences for everyone.

However, with a little preparation over the summer holidays, you can help your child develop the confidence, independence and resilience they’ll need not just for September, but for the years ahead.

Here’s how to turn the weeks before term starts into a powerful foundation for a positive transition.

What is resilience and why does it matter?

Resilience is the ability to cope with difficulties, learn from setbacks, and grow stronger. 
Resilience isn’t something children either have or don’t have – it’s something they can build and strengthen over time, and every new experience or opportunity can support that.

Resilience grows from everyday experiences and relationships. As a parent, you can nurture it by helping your child:

Feel supported

Knowing there’s someone they can rely on builds emotional security.

Recognise their strengths

Confidence grows when children understand what they’re good at.

Understand their feelings

Naming emotions helps children process them.

Take responsibility

Small acts of independence build self-belief.

Meet them where they are

Acknowledging their current skills and comfort levels creates a supportive environment where they feel safe, valued, and confident as they explore new experiences and develop new skills.

These building blocks are especially important during big transitions.

Encouraging growth through small steps

One of the most powerful ways to build resilience is by gently encouraging children to step outside their comfort zone. This doesn’t mean pushing them into overwhelming situations.

Instead, think small, manageable challenges:

• trying a new activity
• starting a conversation with someone new
• taking on simple responsibilities, like packing their school bag or organising lunch

These firsts may feel daunting, but they can quickly become confidence-boosting wins.

Reframing failure and self-doubt

Many children experience negative self-talk, telling themselves “I can’t do this,” or “I’m not good enough.” As parents, we can help reframe these thoughts. For example, we can gently challenge them with evidence: “Is that really true, or is that how you feel right now?”

We can also celebrate effort as much as success. Remind them of the word “yet” – they may not be able to do something yet, but they will learn. Normalising mistakes is also key. When children understand that even adults get things wrong, it removes the fear of failure and encourages them to keep trying.

Friendships and connection

For many children, the biggest worry about starting a new school is making friends. This is completely normal, and it’s something parents can actively support.

Start by helping your child think about what they value in a friendship by starting conversations with: What do you think makes a good friend? What kind of person would you like to be friends with? This helps your child begin to understand their own values and what they bring to friendships.

Also encourage them to practise simple social skills, like starting conversations or asking questions about others’ hobbies. You could role-play these scenarios at home.

At the same time, reassure them that many other children feel the same way, others will appreciate someone making the first move and that it’s OK to stay connected with old friends while building new ones.

Connection comes not only from finding the right people, but also from understanding who you are.

Building organisation and independence

Feeling organised can significantly reduce stress.

Support your child by:

• reviewing their timetable together
• helping them pack their bag the night before
• practising travel routines (walking routes, bus journeys, or cycling safety)

It’s also helpful to plan for things going wrong, such as what to do if they miss the bus or what to do if they get lost. Having a clear plan builds confidence and reduces anxiety.

Helping children ask for help

Many children hesitate to ask for help, worrying they might get in trouble or appear weak. It’s important to reinforce that asking for help is actually a strength.

Encourage your child to:

• speak to teachers or school staff
• ask questions in class
• reach out to peers or older students

Remind them that if they’re unsure about something, chances are others are too. Confidence in asking for help is one of the most valuable skills they can take into secondary school.

Preparing for the practical details

Sometimes, it’s the small, practical worries that feel biggest to children: Where do I eat lunch? What does the school look like? How does the timetable work?

You can ease these concerns by:

• looking at school maps or virtual tours
• practising wearing their uniform
• discussing daily routines

Even washing a new uniform so it feels comfortable can make a difference.

Embracing the learning curve

The first few weeks of secondary school are a learning process for everyone. There will be forgotten homework, wrong classrooms, and missed buses – and that’s OK. What matters most is helping your child understand that mistakes are part of learning, every challenge is an opportunity to grow and that they don’t have to get everything right straight away.

A skill for life

While much of the focus may be on starting Year 7, resilience is a skill that will benefit your child far beyond their school years. By supporting them now through encouragement, understanding, and practical preparation, you’re helping them build the confidence to face whatever comes next.

Be kind to yourself

It’s natural for parents to have worries at this stage, but these feelings often reflect how much you care and want the best for your child. By focusing on the positive steps you’re already taking, you can feel reassured that you’re giving them a strong foundation to thrive in this new and exciting chapter.

For further support with your child's emotional well-being and mental health, see adapted resources for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND).

Content written and provided by Eikon Charity. Eikon helps young people in Surrey feel safe, heard, and supported through any emotional well-being or mental health challenges they may be facing.