OCD does not have to rule your life - you have choices

It often starts with a single thought. A flicker of fear that seems to come from nowhere, sending a jolt through your body. For some, it might be the fear of harming someone, despite knowing they never would. For others, it could be a gnawing doubt - Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the stove?

The harder you try to push the thought away, the louder it returns, looping endlessly like a song stuck in your mind. Some days are easier than others, but the underlying fear lingers. This is the nature of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

What OCD really is - and isn’t

It is not just about being neat or careful; it's about a deep struggle with uncertainty, fear, and shame. Shame is something that is not talked about much with OCD, but it is the major driver of the fear, uncertainty and self-doubt that fuels OCD and which makes the lives of those going through it feel much more difficult.

The mind, therefore, clings to a need for absolute certainty, but the more one seeks reassurance, the further it drifts away. Reassurance is not a comfort for people with OCD. It might seem to feel like it is, but ultimately, it strengthens ruminations and fears and strengthens the cycle of the OCD.

Healing from OCD is not about stopping thoughts or feelings - it is about changing the way we respond to them. This means allowing the thoughts to pass through, to come and go and to work through the feelings and thoughts that come to mind. Yes, that particular moment may bring up self-doubt, even feelings of self-disgust, but it is important to realise that they are part of the OCD and not of the moral framework of the individual going through it. Like everything, the moment will pass, and things will settle. 

Learning to sit with uncertainty and discomfort

Most people with OCD instinctively try to push their anxious thoughts away. The fear or even the thought feels unbearable or brings up revulsion, so individuals engage in compulsions - whether mental or physical - to find temporary relief. But relief is fleeting, and soon, the anxiety returns, stronger than before.

What if, instead of running, we turned to face it and to go through it? It is by going through it that the fear can be seen for what it is - a paper tiger that is based on a false premise of thoughts.

Mindfulness teaches us to observe rather than react. Instead of judging thoughts as dangerous or bad, we practice noticing them without attachment. “There’s that thought again,” we might say, “I see you.” We don’t have to fight it or believe it. We can acknowledge its presence and continue living anyway, whilst staying in the moment.

Facing fear without letting it take control

Imagine you are standing in the ocean as waves roll toward you. The instinct might be to run, to tense up, to resist. But what if, instead, you allowed the waves to wash over you?

Anxiety, like the ocean, rises and falls. If we allow ourselves to feel it fully - without resisting or trying to make it disappear - we begin to see that it doesn’t last forever. By facing fear head-on, we retrain the brain to understand that discomfort is not dangerous. 

The power of self-compassion in OCD recovery

OCD thrives on shame and self-criticism. Many people feel broken or guilty for having these thoughts. But thoughts do not define us. We are not our fears, our worries, or our compulsions. We are the ones observing them.

Speaking to ourselves with kindness is a powerful tool in healing. Instead of saying, “Why can’t I just stop thinking this?” we can shift to, “I see that I’m struggling right now, and that’s OK.” Imagine speaking to a friend in the same situation - what words of comfort would you offer them? So, self-compassion is essential in knowing more about yourself, understanding triggers for the OCD and in working through difficult moments that it may throw up.

Finding joy amidst the struggle

OCD can feel all-consuming, making it easy to forget the things that bring joy. But healing isn’t just about reducing symptoms - it’s about reclaiming life. Engaging in meaningful activities, even when OCD tells us we shouldn’t, is an act of defiance against fear. It is an act of building up confidence in yourself, in knowing what you like and in making choices for yourself. 

So go for that walk, paint that picture, call that friend. Joy doesn’t need to wait for OCD to be gone. It exists alongside the struggle. The more we engage with life, the less power OCD holds.