Menopause and mental health: The unspoken truth

Is menopause linked to mental health? The answer is a resounding yes. This is a reality that countless women of a certain age will readily affirm. Yet, for many of us, we were never forewarned that menopause could have such a significant impact on our mental well-being. 

Understanding the link between menopause and mental health

We grew up believing the narrative that menopause was simply about hot flushes, night sweats, and periods becoming irregular or stopping altogether. Looking back, it is clear why previous generations – our mothers and grandmothers – may have played down the emotional and psychological effects. Perhaps they did not want to alarm us, or perhaps they themselves were unsure of what was happening and how to articulate it.

It was common to hear phrases like “it will pass”, “you’ll be fine”, or “we all go through it”. Dismissive comments such as “she’s going through the change, ignore her, it’s just part of the mood swings” were frequently used, contributing to the silence around the true impact of menopause.

The silence surrounding emotional and mental health symptoms

As a young woman, I remember listening in on conversations between older women. Sharing stories and experiences is something we are naturally inclined to do, but there was a marked lack of openness about the mental side of menopause. There needs to be greater honesty and kindness in how we discuss the process, not just with others, but with ourselves. We should not be afraid to look after one another, as this is something women are particularly good at.

Rarely did anyone mention that menopause could cause mental turmoil – feelings of anxiety, depression, or even suicidal thoughts. The fear of speaking these truths aloud – the fear of what others might think – meant that we often kept these struggles to ourselves. Admitting to losing our zest for life, our libido, our self-worth, and our confidence felt almost impossible. Instead, we put on a brave face: we smiled, applied a bit more lipstick, put on more make-up, dressed up, and pretended everything was fine.

The hidden toll of pretending everything’s fine

This act of pretending can continue until it becomes overwhelming. Over time, the motivation to get dressed, to wash, or even to eat properly can simply fade away. Before we know it, we may reach a point where we no longer care about living at all. It is difficult and unsettling to see these thoughts written down, but for many, this is a genuine reality.

How do we reach such a point? Especially after navigating the challenges of childhood, adolescence, education, relationships with parents, siblings, partners, and friends – and then going through it all again with our own children. All of this, without even taking into account the state of the world we live in today.

Strategies for coping with menopause and mental health

Coping with the mental and physical changes that accompany menopause is often met with the usual advice: eat well, drink plenty of water, exercise to stay fit, manage your stress levels, aim for better sleep, and limit your sugar intake. While well-intentioned, these suggestions do not always reflect the individual nature of menopause – there is no universal solution.

For some, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) offers relief, but it is not suitable for everyone. Even when options such as tablets, patches, gels, herbal remedies, or the occasional glass of wine bring comfort, their effectiveness can be short-lived. Sometimes, what initially helps stops working, and in the case of alcohol, it can create more problems than it solves.

The fear of how others might react keeps many silent. Voicing that we feel out of control can be daunting, and this silence only intensifies negative thoughts, making even simple tasks feel insurmountable.

So, how do we manage? We make the best of what is available to us. We tap into our creativity – something women are well known for – and emerge with renewed determination and good intentions. We draw on our nurturing, fun-loving, bold, and supportive sides, summoning the strongest parts of ourselves to face these challenges. Most importantly, we lean on each other.

By talking openly, asking for support, and offering help to others, we remind ourselves that we are part of a community of women – whether pre, past, or present – capable of providing the love and encouragement we all need.

Shared wisdom and practical advice

When I finally summoned the courage to write this article, I reached out to several of my friends, asking if they had any advice to share. I was also curious to know what words of wisdom they might offer to their younger selves. Their responses, shaped by personal experience, provided valuable insights into navigating the challenges we face, especially during menopause. These shared reflections underscore the importance of honesty, self-compassion, and mutual support as we journey through this stage of life together.

Reflections and practical advice

The following insights, shared by friends who have navigated similar paths, offer meaningful guidance for anyone facing the challenges of menopause:

• Do what’s right for you, not everyone else.
• It is important to prioritise your own needs and well-being, rather than feeling pressured to conform to what others expect or advise. Trusting your instincts and making choices that genuinely serve you can be empowering during times of uncertainty.
• Read lots of other people’s journeys. It helped me through the toughest times when I really thought I was going insane.
• Seeking out and reading about the experiences of others can provide reassurance and comfort, especially during moments of doubt or distress. Knowing that you are not alone in your struggles can be a powerful source of support.
• Staying active and focused on doing more of what made me feel well.
• Engaging in activities that promote your well-being – whether physical, creative, or social – can make a significant difference. By focusing on what lifts your mood or helps you feel healthy, you can better manage the ups and downs of this stage of life.
• Reminding myself that waking up at 3 am is not a superpower thing. It’s time to think about menopause symptoms and solutions. Why else would I feel totally exhausted all the time?
• Recognising that symptoms like insomnia or fatigue are part of the menopause journey can help normalise the experience. Instead of blaming yourself, it may be helpful to explore practical solutions and acknowledge that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Advice to my pre-menopausal self

The value of supportive friendships

One of the most important pieces of advice I would give to my pre-menopausal self is to keep your good friends close. Their support and kindness will be vital as you navigate the changes and challenges ahead. Surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being can make an enormous difference during this time.

Preparing mentally and physically

It is essential to be prepared, both mentally and physically, for the journey through menopause. Take proactive steps to put things in place that will help you enjoy every era of your life. By anticipating your needs and making preparations, you can approach this stage with greater confidence and resilience.

Navigating social media and finding honest conversations

It's easy to become overwhelmed by the flood of information and opinions on social media, much of which is unhelpful or even misleading. Avoid getting bogged down by these sources. Instead, focus on doing thorough research and having honest conversations with others who are experiencing similar changes. Openness and truthfulness can equip you to handle the realities of menopause more effectively.

Recognising commercialisation and staying grounded

In recent years, it's become increasingly clear that menopause has turned into big business. Many platforms offer seemingly good advice but ultimately try to sell products that promise miraculous results – thicker hair, better skin, improved sex drive, a clearer mind, and more. While these promises can be tempting, it's important to recognise the commercial motivations behind them and remain cautious.

Embracing the journey and looking ahead

Ultimately, the goal is not to chase miracle cures but to come through menopause with a sense of accomplishment and readiness for the next chapter of life. The most rewarding outcome is reaching the other side with a smile, feeling proud of yourself, and adopting a “bring it on” attitude for whatever comes next.

It is important not to overlook the impact that menopause has on our partners. This period can be unsettling for them as well, as they observe the changes we are experiencing and often feel unsure about how best to offer support. Their instinct may be to try to fix things, but this is not always possible or even necessary.

To navigate this together, it is crucial to communicate openly and honestly about what we need from those around us. By expressing our needs clearly, we give our partners the opportunity to support us in meaningful ways. Equally, it is essential to show kindness and understanding – not only towards us but also to those close to us – as we move through this journey together.