Managing parenting burnout: Self-care tips for exhausted parents

Being a parent is both incredibly rewarding and incredibly draining. The feeling of being overwhelmed does not let up once our kids hit their teenage years. In fact, managing the ups and downs of living with an adolescent can often intensify these feelings, leaving you exhausted, stressed and anxious. Tweens and teenagers are unpredictable, emotionally intense and socially complex even on their best days, which can intensify your feelings of stress, leaving you wondering if you'll ever manage.

We are becoming more aware of the impact of burnout on our working lives (or at least, we are beginning to), but what about the burnout experienced as part of being a parent? It's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Parenting burnout is a common experience, and it can affect even the most loving and dedicated parents. By understanding parenting burnout, you can recognise the signs, take proactive steps, regain your energy, and create a calmer and more balanced family life.

What are the signs of burnout?

When you feel drained, overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted, you may have reduced patience and find yourself losing your temper more easily with those around you. You may also feel detached emotionally. You might notice physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches and trouble sleeping. 

Burnout leaves you overly tense and disconnected, and with a patience and empathy bypass, it impacts you and those around you.

You may feel emotionally detached, as though you're going through the motions of parenting but without the connection you once had. This makes you feel guilty and frustrated, more drained and exhausted, and so it goes around, leaving you wondering if you'll ever regain your energy or patience.

What can you do to avoid burnout when parenting adolescents?

First and foremost is recognising the common triggers (what presses your buttons). Your child's adolescence can be a time when communication with them becomes more difficult, and you notice more conflicts around boundaries, them stretching their independence and the classic teen attitude.

By now, you are probably all too aware of the mood swings, defiance and rebellion that wear you down. The juggle of parenting, keeping up with your work, household tasks and their social and academic needs. Also, the constant comparison that it's so easy to fall into, worrying about how other parents or society perceives the way you parent.

How to manage and prevent parental burnout

Burnout can affect your mental and physical health and your communication with your child (and others around you), leaving you feeling overwhelmed, guilty or hopeless. You don't have to manage this on your own. Burnout in parents is a more common experience than you might realise, and it is nothing to feel guilty about. Even small changes can make a big difference in managing and preventing burnout. 

Be kind to yourself

It's crucial to find ways to recharge yourself through rest, hobbies or being with friends (other grown-ups!). Show yourself some compassion by scheduling breaks and time to do the activities that suit your unique needs.

Learn not to sweat the small stuff

What can you let go of? You don't expect your kids to be perfect, so why impose perfectionism on yourself? Accept that sometimes stuff happens. 

Practice mindfulness exercises

Doing this daily can help to reduce stress. Mindfulness helps you stay grounded and present, which can stop stressful thoughts from spiralling. These small acts build up over time and can make a big difference in how you handle the challenges of parenting.

Don't feel you have to go it alone

It's OK to seek help from your partner, friends, family members or professional help. Seeking support shows strength, not weakness, and counselling can give you the space to talk about your feelings and provide practical strategies to help you manage and prevent burnout. 

The steps you take to manage and prevent burnout will also help those around you. When you're open about how you're feeling, it encourages your teen to share their own frustrations.

Having healthy boundaries between being 'mum' or 'dad' and personal time shows your teen the importance of balance and boundaries. By delegating tasks and involving them in household responsibilities, you lessen your load whilst helping them build independence and responsibility. This can increase their self-confidence and help them feel more in control of their own environment.

And remember to recognise small wins: focusing on progress, no matter how small, enables you to stay motivated and positive.