Learn to discover your internal validation

When we hinge our self-worth on external validation, we hand over control of our emotional state to others. This creates a relentless cycle where our confidence and happiness are tethered to others' opinions, making us vulnerable to stress and anxiety. The inconsistency and unpredictability of external feedback can create a sense of instability in a constant chase. Breaking free from this means focusing on internal validation, acknowledging our accomplishments, and building solid self-
esteem independent of others' judgments. Ultimately, self-affirmation is the antidote to the stress of seeking external approval.

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Feelings are the force that influences our choices and behaviours in our life journey. If left unchecked, they can lead us astray. That's why emotional resilience and equilibrium play a role in achieving fulfilment and joy. Being able to transform situations into chances for learning and self-improvement defines someone with internal validation. You can spot a set of shared characteristics among individuals, with fortitude reflected in their actions and daily routines.


10 habits of emotionally resilient people

Here are 10 essential habits emotionally resilient people practice - habits you can start incorporating into your own life.

1. Be self-assured and believe in yourself

Self-assuredness is the ability to exude confidence when entering a room without always craving attention. People who are self-assured already recognise their own value and worth independently of external validation from others. It is a secure relationship they have taken time to develop within themselves.

Even if life in the developmental years, when our emotional regulation is formed, got off to a rocky beginning, it is never all lost. Developing secure attachment later in life is possible with conscious effort and dedication.

Here are some steps:

  • Self-awareness: Reflect on your past and understand your attachment style.
  • Therapy: Until we feel ready to talk, we may be storing up repressed feelings. Seek out a therapist specialising in stress, anxiety and attachment issues to work through past trauma and develop healthier relationships.
  • Communication: Practice open, honest communication and express your needs and feelings. It is OK to ask for what we need.
  • Mindfulness: Engage in the practice of mindfulness in order to become more present and reduce anxiety.
  • Self-care: Prioritise self-care and self-compassion to build a strong foundation of self-worth.

2. Surround yourself with positive influences

Life often presents us with challenges that are out of our control; however, we can choose who we allow into our lives and influence our journey forward. Those who possess strength recognise that the company they keep reflects their values and beliefs. While it can be tough to let go of individuals who hinder our progress, it is crucial for fostering an optimistic life path.

3. Practice understanding and forgiveness

It's not worth holding grudges because they can drain you mentally and emotionally. Too much energy is wasted not forgiving someone when they genuinely apologise for their mistakes and move forward from them. 

4. Do what you want - not what others expect

Emotionally resilient people are confident in their ability to stay true to themselves and don't feel pressured to conform to norms or expectations. People who exude confidence rarely question their abilities; they are clear about their goals and approach the future with an outlook. 

5. Demonstrate kindness

Individuals who act unkindly are often too busy dealing with their insecurities. This rings true indeed! Those who possess resilience do not resort to bringing others down to boost their self-esteem. 

6. Show affection without fear

Confident people pour out their love without fear of being hurt, taking chances despite the outcomes that may follow. 

7. See each day as a fresh opportunity

Don't spend nights feeling anxious about tomorrow; instead, embrace each day with gratitude and view it as a chance for growth and progress. 

8. Say no without guilt

In maintaining your well-being and avoiding burnout, it's crucial to recognise that it's acceptable to decline requests at times without feeling guilty or overwhelmed by trying to please everyone around you, akin to pleasing people.

9. Prioritise your mental and physical health

Taking care of your health is frequently underestimated; however, it holds as much significance as our physical well-being. Emotionally resilient individuals make self-care a priority and understand that rest, nutrition, exercise and emotional processing are all part of a balanced life.

10. Choose your mindset and happiness

Emotions don't necessarily mirror reality; they often mirror our perspective on the reality of the truth itself. We can manage our emotions and shape our understanding of each circumstance. By adjusting our mindset and outlook, we effortlessly transform a day into a positive one. 


Incorporating these practices into your routine will significantly contribute to a wholesome outlook on life.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author. All articles published on Counselling Directory are reviewed by our editorial team.

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London E1 & Woodford Green IG8
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Written by David Pender
MBACP, Transformational | Specialising in Anxiety
location_on London E1 & Woodford Green IG8
I am an anxiety specialist and developmental coach. I have helped hundreds of clients develop a growth mindset and overcome a wide range of anxiety traits. My clients have discovered practical skills & techniques to advance in a life of confidence.
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