How to get the best out of remote counselling

My entire practice used to be face-to-face, and then Covid changed our way of working practically overnight, and it has never quite returned to normal. The Lockdowns that occurred during this time meant that we had to adapt our way of working or not work, and with the mental health implications of the pandemic, not working didn’t feel like an option even if we had wanted it to.

Covid 'ended', not with the grand relief and celebration that perhaps some of us thought it might, but instead with a sort of stealth transition into the way we exist now. We still see social distancing markers on the floor where once we would have queued, and there are those who now work the majority of their working hours from home. As a counsellor, I now see a good percentage of my clients online; many of these clients will have never been in the room with me, or any counsellor, and will therefore probably be unaware of some of the impacts that accessing support remotely will have on the experience.

What makes it so different?

There is no journey to the session

In the lockdown days, many of the people I supported reported struggling to define a boundary around their working days. Without the commute, they found it hard to change mode, to get into the right frame of mind in the morning and leave work behind them at the end of the day. Together, we discovered work-arounds that involved things like taking a walk around the block to aid the transitions. The journey to counselling can also be a very useful aid to the transition into and out of the counselling space. Many clients report using the space on the way to our session to check in with themselves. They also use the journey away to process some of what has been discovered in our work.

Is it really so private?

When a client comes to see me face-to-face, I can guarantee them confidentiality because I am in control of the space. It can be really hard for a client who is coming to their session from the comfort of their bedroom to know for sure that they will not be interrupted or overheard. It can also be incredibly hard to speak freely when you are in awareness that you are in a workspace or home that is shared with others, even if they are not there at the time of the session.

Technology can sometimes fail us

I have had sessions before when a client has frozen or lost connection just as we are exploring something particularly sensitive. It is not a nice experience, and it means that I am always holding in awareness the possibility that it could happen again. I think in this way the screen can be a barrier to a certain depth of connection that can facilitate valuable change.

There is something about sharing a space

There is so much more to the therapeutic relationship than the words that are spoken. There is something about what happens in the space between a counsellor and a client that consolidates the relationship. Shifts in the atmosphere are felt and responded to in a way that feels so much more available if the counsellor and client are sharing the same air.

I am a great believer in not letting the perfect get in the way of the good, and the rise in the availability of remote counselling has made support so much more accessible. What used to take at least two hours out of a day when you factor in travel can now be achieved in less than an hour, therefore factored into a working day or after the children are in bed. For many counsellors, it has meant that they can avoid room rental charges and can pass on the savings to clients. It also means that clients can access counsellors with specific expertise even if they live on the other side of the country.

How to make the most of remote sessions

If remote counselling is going to suit you, then I urge you to take into consideration the following ideas to enable you to get the best out of your sessions:

Journey to your sessions

This may look like an actual journey, such as a little walk in your local area, or it could be just a mindful shift in mindset. In short, take a little time before your session to step away from whatever you have been doing and check in with yourself. Try to do the same when the session is over. It is not always possible and certainly not always necessary, but it might support the work.

Be mindful of where you are

If you are having your session at work, be sure to find a private, soundproofed room where you can be certain not to be disturbed. Think about what you can see, too. It is harder to leave work behind you when you are surrounded by work-related paraphernalia. If you are having your session at home, think about what works best for you – what are the implications of having a session in your bedroom? For example, how will you be able to focus on yourself if you are able to see a sink full of dirty pans? Be clear with anyone who might be able to interrupt that you cannot be disturbed.

Check your connection

Make sure you are somewhere where you can rely on the internet. You and your counsellor should discuss and agree on what will happen if the connection is lost. Trust me, having a plan will take some of the anxiety out of it.

Consider a face-to-face first session

Sharing the space with your counsellor may not be something that logistics will allow in the long run, but some time spent in the same room will strengthen a relationship. If you can meet your counsellor in the flesh, you may get a better feel for whether or not this person is going to be the right person to support you. Consider seeing a local counsellor, even if remotely, because there may come a time when you would like to move to face-to-face sessions or may value a one-off.