How do I cope when I feel overwhelmed and stuck?

In this article, I will reflect on being overwhelmed and stuck. Sometimes we don't understand what is happening to us and deny or push the feelings of stress and anxiety away, or try to ignore them. It is so important to know when we can cope with one more thing and when we really can't.

The world and overwhelm

We all know that there is no peace to be found in the news. The media seem to thrive on endless reports of disaster or impending disaster. We may find ourselves unable to stop doomscrolling. We may be looking to politicians to tell us whether we are safe or not.  This strategy does not work because they are also dealing with many unknowns.

This can flood our brain with adrenaline and cortisol, which are stress hormones. The sense of powerlessness we experience can lead to us losing hope and our ability to build a meaningful future.

Overwhelm puts our nervous system into a state of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn (also known as people pleasing).

What do you notice in your mind?

When we are overwhelmed, we may find that we can't think straight as our mind is racing. Perhaps our thoughts go from one to another, and we can't seem to get hold of one thought that we are able to follow through to its conclusion. Maybe we are shut down and feel low or depressed. We lose motivation and no longer enjoy the things which once gave us pleasure and a sense of meaning and purpose.

What do you notice is happening in your body?

Tension causes tight muscles, a change in our body posture, difficulty sleeping and getting good quality rest, teeth grinding, headaches, stomach-aches and more.

How are your relationships?

When we are overwhelmed with anxiety and stress, we may find that we are short-tempered. We may also find that we lose empathy with other people when they want to share their worries with us. Sometimes when colleagues, family or friends express their concern, we may be dismissive or passive-aggressive and insist that we are fine.

What coping strategies are you using?

Maybe you are drinking more than is healthy or using drugs to try and escape or anaesthetise your distress. Sometimes people who are used to being driven will try and push through and find that this becomes more and more difficult. They may look as though they are doing well if you don't look too closely. The signs of not coping are there. Are you willing to look closer and take some action? I recognise that this can be uncomfortable and anxiety-provoking – shame-making even.

How can I help myself?

It is important to understand that our feelings are there for a reason. They contain information about how we are. They sit in our story, past and present. No one likes feeling sad or anxious or stressed, but these feelings are perfectly reasonable when we consider our lived experience. What we do with our feelings matters. A good start is to acknowledge and name them.  

Find a quiet space

I understand that this can be difficult or uncomfortable or unfamiliar, but it is so important. Sit well back in your chair with your feet on the floor and exhale. Notice what your body and mind are doing. When your mind tries to wander, say gently to yourself, 'I am giving myself time and space to be still.' Find something that you can focus on nearby that is calm. This tells your survival brain that in the here and now, you are safe and will help you to be in the present. What we are trying to do is find some peace, even if/when you are facing difficult and challenging circumstances. The more gently we speak to ourselves, the better chance we have of gradually slowing down so that we can think clearly.

I suggest that you work through this list slowly, at your own pace. I recognise that this can be difficult, but it can help us to begin to feel empowered. One step at a time with self-compassion helps us to think about what we can/will do.

Finding a meaningful future

When we value ourselves, we are better able to take care of our mental and physical health.  We are then able to see the way forward ....even in the midst of circumstances which we don't understand and the outcome is uncertain.

Ask for professional support

Do ask for professional support. We are here to validate your lived experience with respect and compassion. We will help you process what has happened or is happening to you. Your life matters – please find a way to slow down so that you can consider the best way forward.