How can psychotherapy help with loneliness

The word ‘loneliness’ is difficult to define and can mean different things to each person. In general terms, I use the term ‘loneliness’ to refer to feelings of isolation in both a physical and emotional sense.

What is loneliness? 

Physical loneliness refers to a physical lack of connection with other people. This can be exacerbated by life events such as bereavement or illnesses in yourself or others. You may have experienced a decrease in mobility which means that physical access to other people is reduced, or perhaps you have changed jobs or school and therefore left your social circle behind.  

The COVID pandemic has changed the way in which we physically interact with other people, both in terms of the actual lockdowns which prevented physical contact, but also the ongoing change to working patterns which has resulted in significantly more people working from home and away from their colleagues. Jobs which were previously based in the office for 37 hours per week are now increasingly worked in a hybrid way. This means that the actual physical contact that many people have with others has been significantly reduced.

Emotional loneliness refers to feelings of disconnection from other people in your life. You may have family, friends or colleagues around you but find it hard to relate to them on an emotional level. You may feel that other people don’t ‘see’ you and that you are left to deal with everything on your own. At the end of the day, you may feel exhausted because you have been keeping your emotions to yourself as they feel too difficult to share with others.

How can psychotherapy help with loneliness? 

Psychotherapy can help with loneliness in a number of different ways:

1. Expressing your loneliness

Psychotherapy can give you the opportunity to explore your loneliness and think about the impact that this has on you and your life. You may be experiencing both physical and emotional loneliness, or perhaps just one of these. The therapy room can give you the space to talk to your therapist about your situation and to express how your loneliness feels for you.

2. Think about your coping methods

Perhaps you engage in activities to help you alleviate feelings of loneliness?  You may drink alcohol or take drugs to escape the experience of feeling lonely. Maybe you have developed disordered eating or participated in risky behaviour? Your therapy can help you to understand how your coping mechanisms relate to your loneliness and how this impacts other areas of your life.

3. Understanding the reasons why you are lonely

Loneliness often starts in childhood and your therapist will work with you to understand historical patterns throughout your life. It may be that you have always found it hard to engage with others and make friends and that you recognise repeated patterns of behaviour.  

Understanding your early emotional connections with your caregivers and family members can be pivotal in helping you to make sense of the loneliness that you feel as an adult. Perhaps you were not encouraged to share your emotions or speak out as a child? Maybe your caregivers looked for you to provide them with emotional support and there was no space for your own feelings?

You might have suffered an early bereavement which resulted in an absence of a parent to look after you, or you may have been removed from your family and taken into care at an early age. Whatever the reason, your therapist can help you to navigate through your life and help you understand the underlying reasons which lie behind your loneliness. They can then support you in making changes for the future.

It can be incredibly difficult to talk about loneliness, particularly if you have been feeling this way for a long time. However, finding an empathic and understanding therapist to work with you could enable you to make significant changes in your life.