Finding stability in life's transitions

Change is one of life’s few certainties, yet it can often leave us feeling destabilised and unsure of our footing. Some changes are within our control — like deciding to move to a new home, change careers, or embark on a new relationship. Other changes, however, are imposed upon us. Unexpected losses, organisational restructures, or sudden shifts in our health can all leave us feeling powerless and overwhelmed. Regardless of whether we choose change or it happens to us, how we respond can shape our well-being and determine whether we feel stuck or able to move forward.

Think back to a time when your life took an unexpected turn. Perhaps you were faced with the loss of a job, or maybe you experienced the end of a relationship that once felt solid. How did you respond? Did you resist, hoping things would return to the way they were? Or did you eventually find a way to adapt and grow through the experience? It’s natural to resist change — after all, humans are wired to seek out safety and predictability. But understanding why we resist change and how we can learn to navigate it with more flexibility and compassion can help us find a sense of stability, even when life feels uncertain.

Our brains crave routine. From an evolutionary perspective, sticking to familiar patterns kept our ancestors safe, reducing the risks of danger and unpredictability. When we face change, even positive change, our brains often interpret it as a potential threat. Promotions, new relationships, or a move to a different city can all spark anxiety because they disrupt what we know. This instinctive reaction is why many of us hesitate to embrace change, even when we know it might be for the best. It’s a natural, protective mechanism that’s trying to preserve what feels safe and secure.

Interestingly, change feels more manageable when it’s something we choose. When we decide to start a new job or embark on a new personal project, we often feel empowered by the possibilities. The act of choosing gives us a sense of control, which can help counteract some of the anxiety that comes with uncertainty. However, even self-initiated changes can bring doubts and fears. Will I succeed in this new role? What if I’m not good enough? In moments like these, adopting a growth mindset can make all the difference. People with a growth mindset believe they can develop their abilities through effort and learning. They see challenges as opportunities to grow, which helps them approach change with more curiosity and less fear.

Of course, not all changes are within our control. Life throws curveballs — a redundancy, an illness, or a global event — that can leave us feeling helpless. When faced with unexpected change, it’s easy to get stuck in a loop of “what ifs” and “should have beens.” We expend energy wishing things were different or trying to undo what’s already happened. This mental struggle is exhausting and keeps us trapped in a cycle of frustration and anxiety. In these moments, psychological flexibility becomes a crucial skill. It’s about learning to bend with life’s changes rather than breaking under their weight.

One approach that can help us develop psychological flexibility is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT encourages us to make room for uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, rather than pushing them away. When change disrupts our lives, it’s natural to feel sadness, frustration, or anxiety. Often, our first instinct is to suppress these feelings or distract ourselves, but ACT teaches us to acknowledge them without judgment. Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity or resignation — it’s not about giving up. Instead, it’s about letting go of the exhausting battle to control what’s beyond our influence and focusing on what we can do.

A helpful ACT technique is cognitive defusion, which involves stepping back from our thoughts and seeing them for what they are: just thoughts, not absolute truths. When faced with change, it’s easy to get caught up in catastrophic thinking — “I’ll never recover from this” or “Everything is ruined.” These thoughts can feel overwhelming, but cognitive defusion helps us create distance from them. Instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” we can reframe it as, “I’m having a thought that I’m a failure.” This simple shift can reduce the power that negative thoughts hold over us, allowing us to move forward despite them.

Another key to navigating change is staying present. When we experience significant upheaval, our minds often drift to the past or future. We long for how things used to be or worry about what’s coming next. This preoccupation can prevent us from fully engaging with what’s happening right now. ACT promotes present-moment awareness, encouraging us to ground ourselves in the here and now. Whether through deep breathing, mindful observation, or simply noticing our surroundings, staying present can reduce anxiety and help us make better decisions in challenging times.

Change can also shake up our sense of identity. Many of us define ourselves by our roles, routines, or the relationships we hold dear. When those things shift — for example, when a job role changes or a relationship ends — it can feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. ACT offers the concept of self-as-context, which reminds us that we are more than our thoughts, feelings, or roles. Our core selves remain constant, even as our circumstances evolve. Holding onto this perspective can help us adapt to new situations without feeling that we’ve lost who we are.

One of the most grounding ways to navigate change is by focusing on our values — the guiding principles that give our lives meaning. Values remain steady, even when everything else is in flux. They act as a compass, helping us make decisions and find purpose, no matter what’s happening around us. For example, during a challenging work transition, someone who values integrity might focus on staying honest and fair in their interactions. Someone who values connection might prioritise maintaining relationships, even when life feels chaotic. When we act in alignment with our values, we find a sense of stability and purpose, even in uncertain times.

Taking action is another key part of navigating change. Often, we wait for fear or doubt to subside before moving forward. But ACT teaches that committed action — taking steps toward what matters to us — is essential, even when difficult emotions are present. Change requires action: learning new skills, adapting routines, or making tough decisions. Progress doesn’t have to be perfect or immediate; small, meaningful steps can make a huge difference. Over time, these actions build resilience and remind us of our ability to handle whatever comes next.

It’s also important to show ourselves compassion during times of change. Emotional responses are natural, and models like the Kübler-Ross Change Curve remind us that people often go through stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance when adapting to a new reality. These stages aren’t always linear — we might move back and forth between them. Understanding this can help us be kinder to ourselves and others during difficult transitions.

In the end, navigating change is about balancing acceptance and action. We can’t control everything that happens in life, but we can choose how we respond. By focusing on what’s within our power, letting go of what isn’t, and taking small steps aligned with our values, we can face change with more confidence and grace. Life is inherently uncertain, but it doesn’t have to feel like chaos. By adopting a flexible and compassionate approach, we can learn to find stability within ourselves, even when the world around us is shifting. Change doesn’t have to be something we fear — it can be a doorway to growth, resilience, and self-discovery.