Fighting depression with connection

As humans, we are hardwired for connection. We are pack animals, and like every species of pack animal, the further and longer we spend estranged from our pack, the lower our chances of surviving — let alone thriving.

We’re born knowing this. Babies emerge wailing, instinctively commanding attention and connection. They can’t articulate their needs, but they know how to make themselves heard and won’t stop until they are soothed. Meanwhile, the frazzled adult runs through a checklist: temperature, hunger, thirst, comfort, pain — check!

Imagine being able to vocalise what displeases you so freely, what a joy that would be!
By adulthood, many of us lose touch with our needs. We struggle to tune in to what we feel and often lack the vocabulary to articulate our emotions, let alone figure out how to meet our needs. For many, the first sign that something is wrong comes when we find ourselves in a downward spiral of low mood or depression, scratching our heads trying to understand why.

When it comes to low mood and depressive episodes — whether chronic or acute —connection is often tied to both the cause and the cure. We live incredibly busy lives. In today’s world, busyness and productivity are celebrated, but at what cost?

We often prioritise busyness at the expense of connection. Long hours at a desk replace long lunches and staff room chats. The rise of remote work can exacerbate this, where once we were forced into connection, now we are forced to leave the house to find it.

Rushing from one activity to another to fill our children's schedules leaves no time to savour experiences or enjoy each other's company. Quick meals replace leisurely family dinners. Even maintaining our health has become a rushed task—20-minute home workouts, a quick run at lunchtime, or a hurried yoga class which I’m sure defeats the object!

These activities aren’t inherently bad, but when life becomes a series of rushed tasks, we lose opportunities to connect. Connection requires time — time to settle in, relax, and truly reach one another on a deeper level.

Think about the best conversations you’ve had with your children. They likely happened during slow, unhurried moments — strolling through the woods, cooking together, or watching a movie. The same applies to your relationships with family and friends. Connection cannot happen when we’re in a constant state of panic or rushing from one thing to the next.

The role of connection in depression

Depression often begins with disconnection. When we can’t express our feelings or find relief and support, isolation inevitably follows. This is often when people seek therapy, which is a vital step. Reaching out to a therapist is an act of connection — though many may not realise that’s what’s happening. It’s an instinctual, biological drive to connect.

The body and mind are remarkable; everything they do is in service of our well-being. But when behaviours that once protected us become barriers, it can be hard to make sense of. Therapy helps us explore these behaviours and uncover the motives behind them. It fosters understanding and self-compassion, which are key to navigating darker moments.
Connection reminds us that we aren’t meant to thrive alone. Needing others isn’t a weakness — it’s a necessity.

When depression clouds connection

When depression sets in, connection is often the first thing to fade. We retreat into ourselves, feeling too exhausted or overwhelmed to reach out. Sometimes we’re too numb or distracted by sadness to hold space for conversation.

We may believe our low mood is a burden to others or think no one would understand even if they tried. This belief keeps us in isolation, retreating further into darkness. Over time, the outside world feels more distant, and even the memory of connection fades. Hopeless, withering, and alone — it’s a painful place to be.

Finding hope through connection

There is hope. Even the smallest cracks in the darkness can let light in, and that light often looks like connection.

• Spiritual connection: Connecting with a higher power, passion, or purpose can provide a reason to keep going.
• Creative connection: Channelling your energy into a project — writing, painting, or crafting — can help you connect with your inner self.
• Nature connection: Spend time outdoors, watch birds, or notice the changing light throughout the day. Maybe chat to your local squirrels, mine will chat to anyone for half a biscuit. Even small moments of mindfulness in nature can ground us.
• Physical connection: Reconnect with your body through gentle movement, self-massage, or simply focusing on your breath. Begin to notice your body's cues to connect to things like thirst, hunger or cold.

If you’re able to venture out, try small “micro-connections”:

• Walk through a busy area or visit a coffee shop.
• Smile at your barista or say good morning.
• Opt for a staffed checkout line rather than self-service.
• Offer a compliment to someone, the giver and the receiver benefit here. 

These simple gestures — eye contact, a smile, holding a door — can remind you that you’re part of the world.

If you have the capacity, reach out to a friend with a message or call. Consider joining a local support group or hobby club. Small moments of connection, even tiny ones can create a ripple effect, leading to significant improvement in your well-being.

Connection is vital, especially in the face of depression. Start small, be patient with yourself, and let the light of connection guide you back to yourself and the world around you.