Feeling overwhelmed: The importance of self-care

When that feeling creeps up on you

I was at the beach, on the most glorious day. The sun was shining in the bright blue sky, and there was barely a cloud in sight. My husband and children were playing in the sand, laughing and joking joyfully as I went into the sea to paddle. As I went further into the sea, I closed my eyes to take in the warmth from the sun on my skin. I could hear my children laughing in the distance, and I felt at peace.

When I opened my eyes, the air went cold, the sky had turned to this dark purple and grey colour, the water was cold and hard, crashing against my thighs. I turned to see how my family was and if they had seen the change, but I couldn’t see the beach. I could still hear them laughing joyfully, but they weren’t in sight. This sense of being lost and alone washed over me, and this immense panic rose within me. This feeling was like I was suddenly on the outside of my life, unable to see in, to see my family and what mattered. This overwhelming emotion of being lost.
 
This dream still haunts me today, years after I had it. At this point in my life, I had no idea that this sense of being overwhelmed had engulfed me. I was so trapped, unable to see what was going on. Trapped in this fight or flight mode. Too consumed by the stresses of life to ask for help, to even recognise I needed help. I couldn’t get off the hamster wheel that my life was on at that moment in time. Hundreds of thoughts are constantly running through my mind, and this constant need to be doing something kept me going, never stopping, barely sleeping, and often missing meals.

My husband was the one who caught me. He could see where I was and encouraged me to stop and take a break. At that moment, I stopped and allowed everything to slow down. After sleep (oh how lovely it is to actually sleep when you have been emotionally exhausted), time having fun with my family and some self-care, I was able to re evaluate and put in boundaries for myself. As someone who pushes themselves constantly, admitting you have limits is difficult. Like many, I had taken too much on, a lot of responsibility that didn’t even belong to me. I had forgotten what actually mattered to me and who I was.

The importance of self-care: Remember to fill your cup first

Self-care is often overlooked when it comes to managing our emotions and stress. The old saying “you can’t fill from an empty cup” is so true. How can you look after everyone and everything if you are not taking care of yourself? I have been programmed to think that doing things for myself is selfish or unproductive, but it's the reverse. Looking after you equips you, recharges you, enables you to perform at your optimal. An athlete is not going to win a race if they do 6 or 7 races back-to-back.
 
Self-care can be big or small; the aim is to fill your resilience and capacity. It could be a glass of wine (or any other drink if wine isn’t for you) whilst soaking in the bath, a run to clear your head (as long as you enjoy running), watching a film, a walk in the countryside, reading a book, time with good friends who energise you (not those who require your energy). Whatever fills you with joy and energises you is your self-care, the petrol to your car. Think about how capable and energised you are after a really enjoyable holiday; that is the power of self-care.   

For me, I love the sea. I always get my family to paddle every time we go to any beach (even in winter). That contact with the sea gives me that sense of being part of something bigger. The ocean is so expansive, for me, it feels spiritual, nature at its greatest. The sea air just makes you feel lighter, so even if it was a stressful journey getting there, it’s like pressing a reset button when you inhale that saltwater air. The sea holds something magical, which gave that dream such power.

What if you can’t refill your cup? Finding support when you need it

Sometimes, though, we need more than everyday self-care. When you’re so consumed by a sense of overwhelming emotions, it can be hard to see a way out. Working with a counsellor can help you to find that clarity, to focus on those feelings, experiences and behaviour; to give you back control and enable positive changes that can give you well-being and happiness.

Person-centred therapy allows you to gain a new awareness, an understanding of yourself and the issues that have you trapped. Even if you are not sure what the difficulties you are facing are, being able to hear yourself truly can give that unique insight into what you are experiencing, by supporting you to unpick and understand what is happening and find a sense of hope

Finding a counsellor who understands, offers acceptance and makes you feel able to challenge the narratives and barriers that are holding you back, allows you to find yourself and the strength you need to fill your cup again.