Endings: Initiating, navigating and managing

Endings. Should I end this? Or should I just carry on as I am?

Friendships, relationships, destructive behaviours. These are all things we can end. I work with clients who express a burning, and entirely rational desire, to conclude certain aspects of their lives. But we often get stuck. Paralysed by obstacles including:

• Uncertainty: Endings can mark the start of something new and unfamiliar. Fear is the unknown. 
• Loss: Ending a relationship can cause feelings of loss, similar to mourning and grief. Feelings of sadness and grief may arise when contemplating the loss associated with ending a relationship or behaviour, making it difficult to let go and move on.
• Guilt: You might worry about hurting yourself or the other person.
• Self-doubt: You might question your choices and feel scared or disappointed. Negative self-talk and limiting beliefs can undermine one's confidence and belief in their ability to make a change.
• Concern about others: You might worry about what others think or say.  Feelings of guilt about hurting others or shame about past actions can create internal conflict and self-doubt, making it challenging to move forward.
• Motivation for change: As humans, things need to often become BAD before we are motivated enough for change, if things are okay, or manageable - we often stay still.
• Abusive situations: We may be trapped by our abuser, navigating away from this can be dangerous.
• Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, or fear of rejection: This fear can hold individuals back from taking necessary steps towards change or ending a situation that is no longer serving them.

How can therapy help?

Navigating these emotional obstacles requires self-awareness, self-compassion, and support from others. Therapy can be a valuable resource in helping individuals identify and address these emotional barriers, develop coping strategies, and build resilience to overcome them and move towards positive change.

When all of these blocks stand in our way, we can often bury the very rational and reasonable need to initiate our ending, because it all becomes just too difficult… and too painful to even consider anymore. 

Therapy provides a platform for addressing and exploring various dimensions of anxiety and apprehension. Through this process, we analyze, assess, deconstruct, and reconstruct these feelings to facilitate a rational, mindful, and well-considered decision-making process - facilitated by the therapist, and led by the client.

The closure of a relationship or a friendship can offer valuable insights into personal boundaries, communication, and relationship dynamics. From a therapeutic standpoint, endings serve as pivotal moments for self-reflection, growth, and introspection.

Therapy can be a powerful tool for individuals seeking to find the autonomy and courage to put an end to harmful behaviours or toxic relationships. Through therapy, individuals we can explore thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behaviour in a safe and supportive environment.

Therapy can help clients develop assertiveness skills, set boundaries, and practice effective communication techniques. By working through their fears and insecurities in therapy, individuals can build the confidence and resilience needed to take decisive action towards ending harmful patterns.

By navigating these endings with sensitivity and self-awareness, individuals may emerge with a deeper understanding of ourselves, and our interpersonal relationships.